Very concerned

[Jeyd1993]

So, I have 3 kids, bit Of background; my twin 5 year olds have delayed speech etc and a bit behind developmentally so I have been fighting for the support they need through school etc. my daughter is 11 on Sunday 12th June, so pretty much there.. her mental health doesn’t seem to be great. I keep finding her watching YouTube songs about suicide. She is writing notes and hiding them where I won’t find them saying she wants to harm herself, she keeps sneaking food from the cupboard in the mornings and late at night to the point I’ve had to take all food pretty much in to my room at night to prevent her. Also, she seems to have this weird fascination with death and dying and like funerals and murder etc. like I mean documentaries on murders and how they happened. She searches it all in the night on YouTube???? I’ve taken electronics away but it’s like she’s addicted.. she sneaks it back?! Any words of wisdom?? I’ve taken her to the GP a month ago and they said refer her for counselling once’s she’s actually 11 which I will do but the CAMHs have said they can’t do anything unless she’s pretty much cutting her arms up or attempted suicide multiple times.. crazy. I myself have borderline personality disorder and anxiety.. I worry for her. Has anyone been through anything remotely similar???

Could you afford private counseling? Do the school know? They may have access to help for her.

Turn the wifi off at night so she can’t access YouTube. Parental controls on your router might let you block YouTube altogether.

Do your twins get more attention and she is trying to compete?

Yes they are aware and haven’t been of much use tbh, they said she can’t have their counselling as she’s moving up to secondary school come September

yes I have looked into it and thought I had successfully added parental controls. AppArnetly not. and no I honestly don’t think they do now, maybe at one point but not now… I go out just me and her a lot to make time for just us whilst my husband has the twins

Seriously. Buy a cheap safe or put stuff in a locked cupboard?! Turn the WiFi of and stricter rules

It’s quite normal to go through a phase of being interested in death. Crime and horror are very popular genres that loads of people are fascinated with. I think the notes are attention seeking- she knows you’ll find them. Don’t worry yet x

I think you're not trying hard enough to stop it imho

I have a very similar situation so I really feel for you.
School have been better for us but CAMHS is a complete joke. We are on the waiting list, although CAMHS won’t say how long the list is but implied it’s years.

I put all my concerns in an email to school and then asked for a minuted meeting to discuss and generate actions. Ask school to make this a TAC / CAF (might be called something different where you live) meeting. Keep the notes she has left you and take them to the meeting. They have safeguarding responsibilities to your child as long as she is at their school. Awful (and unacceptable)
that they are trying to shirk this because she will be leaving in July. Admittedly they can’t do much now in primary but they should be planning her transition to high school so that she can get the right support there. Hopefully her high school will be better.

Ive linked our local safeguarding team policy for children self-harming or expressing thoughts of self-harming. There should be something similar where you live. There are also some contacts for charities that may be helpful - papyrus in particular I would call if I were you.

I Hope you get the support you /she needs.

greatermanchesterscb.proceduresonline.com/pdfs/stock_pw.pdf

Yes safe I can look into. But stricter rules?? She has no regard for them. She literally isn’t bothered no matter what I say or restrict or take away. So what can you do with that

This. Just get rid of the devices In a locked cupboard. She should not have access to the dark things she is watching. Get her out of the house as much as possible doing things outside Why is she sneaking food ? Is she hungry or binge eating. As soon as she starts secondary scho ask for her to get counselling as a priority. But seriously remove the internet from her life fo now. A ten year old does not need it whatever she says she doesn't

What’s her relationship like with dad… with you. Her siblings?
How does she interact with you and dad in particular?

OP, please please please get your daughter private counselling asap.
Excessive interest in suicidal material and the “hidden” notes are such a strong warning sign. If she didn’t want you to find the notes she’d hide them in the same spot, thinking they were well hidden.

You mention your have a borderline pd which means you will know better than anyone here how this can affect your life if it is unmanaged. Like with other pds there is a generic component so there is a chance your daughter inherited some predisposition to it.

My brother was around the same age when his Pd started showing and early and consistent counselling would have helped him massively in life. He didn’t get that chance. Please give it to your dd. She and everyone in your family will benefit from it. Please don’t ignore these warning signs.

I went through a death Jack the Ripper crime phase but yeah that sounds heavy. Self harm notes are definately asking for help by leaving them around. Take her to gp, 11 is very young. Maybe she’s being influenced online or something bad going on at school?

Thank you for all your responses guys! I don’t let her have it I hide them and she finds it. We live in a 2 bed flat and I haven’t got many hiding places. My husband is her stepdad and they have a good relationship. Her biological dad has
not been on the scene since she was 3 and he was.. let’s just say a waste of air and a written. She’s had no contact with him since he left in 2015. I have tried to like limit all of this stuff and turn things off to prevent it. I have enabled the safe thing on my broadband but I didn’t know she was going to stay awake and go on it at 1am and all hours so I only had it restricted through day. I will now change that obviously. I believe the food is comfort eating and she has a very good bond with her twins brothers. She loves them and they love her. I have taken her GP but they just said refer to counselling when she’s 11 which was a over a month away at the time so not helpful… I have spoke to 111 this morning and they are very concerned so I have spoke to a nurse and she now thinks we need to have an assessment by a doctor so awaiting a call within 2 hours

@Jeyd1993 I understand how hard it is, especially when you have been to school and GP and got such a lacking response from them.
Its very easy for people to say you’re not doing enough and don’t let her have a phone/internet access but actually at this age it’s really not that easy and it sounds like you are doing everything you can to help her.

Wishing you the best of luck OP, please keep strong and fight for her.

Even if she doesn't seem bothered by rules and punishments, they are boundaries she probably wants you to provide

She's just hitting puberty it's a horrible time

Can your provider disable internet overnight ?

We live in a 2 bed flat and I haven’t got many hiding places you can lock a cupboard

Heck you can keep it on you or under your mattress whilst asleep

Hope you sorted things out op and she is feeling better x

Oh aren’t you a delightful soul… lol.

thank you everyone that has tried to give actual advice. Camhs saw her in the end and deduced it was probably like some Level of trauma from when she was 3 and younger when her biological dad left her. Referred her for therapy. But again waiting lists. We will see how she goes anyway and I’ll keep an eye on her 🙃

Hey,

So my twins are 5 and started with a sick bug last Wednesday night (15th). Well one twin started first and was sick for about 5 hours and then was completely ok after that until yesterday. He went quite quiet, not himself and took himself to bed at 5pm which is definitely unheard of. It is normally a daily struggle to get him
and his twin to settled before 10pm. He woke at 7pm ish and was sick once and slept the night, again today has been ok just a bit quieter than normal.. but once again at 9.30pm ish he was sick-just the once and now asleep again.

Then the other twin had the bug last Saturday morning (18th) again for a few hours and then was fine until last night when he was sick again once around 11.30pm. He went back to sleep and has been fine all day, went to sleep earlier than normally but was his normal defiant self about going to bed initially. He woke at 10.15pm this evening and again was sick and now back asleep.

Their older sister (11) had the bug from early hours Sunday (19th) until midday and has not had an issue since completely back to normal. Their dad was sick one time early hours on that Sunday but again was ok. I haven’t had it at all.

I have spoke to 111 as I don’t really understand what’s causing it. They have sent referrals for both boys to our gp so I can call tomorrow and get them appointments to be checked over. They have absolutely no other symptoms really other than maybe a lessened appetite and a little more tired.

I just wondered had anyone else experienced this? I feel sure it must be linked to the sickness bug they had but why did it disappear for them for days and now these random bouts. I called GP this morning and she said keep an eye on food they eat etc and so today I’ve been very careful about what they have and how much which isn’t a great deal anyway as like I say - no appetite.

I’ve googled as I know you shouldn’t but just comes up with things like asthma or food poisoning etc.

Thanks 🙏🏻

Hi My Grandson age 5 lives with his Dad.
He has told My Daughter that his Dad let him see the Trailer for Winnie The Poo.
A horror Movie coming to the Cinema in March.
I am concerned and it’s a horror movie.
what can l do to protect My Grandson?

At times he lashes out at his Mum?