Suicidal teenager, any advice?

[Apples66]

Sorry if I am slightly vague due to the personal nature of the situation but any advice would welcome as I don't know what to do.

Yesterday I got a phone call from the police as DC (15) was feeling suicidal whilst out with friends so someone called the police. I took him to a and e as advised and we had a short chat with someone from Camhs who said they were safe for now and they would refer us to our local Camhs so I'm currently waiting for a phone call today with the next steps. Has anyone been in this situation or can advise what is likely to happen next?

DC is adamant they don't want meds or to talk to anyone. They said they don't think they would have hurt themselves (they were found in a risky situation) and it's just they feel that way. They aren't sure why they feel that way. I feel so worried and helpless. I'm so scared they might try and harm or kill themselves in the future and I can't do anything to stop it. What should I do? Do I continue to let them go out and live normally while accessing help? I feel like DC was expressing their feelings rather than intending to try to act on them but I also feel as a mum I don't see all sides to DC so I can't be sure.

Also they have recently been caught vaping. The vaping stuff has been removed and we talked about it in particular the health concerns and that while DC is welcome to make their own life choices when they are older and I know they will experiment/do it with friends, at the moment they are only 15 so as a parent I cannot condone or facilitate it. DC once spoken to has said they won't do it again (they are usually very good for example all the friends drink but DC doesn't as I've said once they turn 16 then they can start having 1-2 at parties but would prefer not until then which they have stuck to). DC said it has helped them de-stress at the moment and admittedly DC has GCSE exams at the moment and is Coping with losing a family member on top of feeling like they do so is stressed. Am I doing the right thing? Should I let them vape as a coping method in the short term until help is sorted as it's better than trying to hurt themselves? The vape is nicotine free.

DC is my eldest so I haven't got experience in this area, there have been no issues until now so it's all new to me. I'm also feeling like a terrible mum right now and just want to do what I can in the right way.

I would turn a blind eye to the vaping for now. More important to keep the lines of communication open and for DC to feel they can be honest with you, and that home is a haven where they don't have to make an effort.

@flameproof Thank you. I felt like may be the better option but I wasn't sure if I was giving in, it was the wrong decision or if I was being a bad parent to do so.

I know, it's so hard. When ours was self-harming and suicidal I felt frantic, not knowing what the right things to do were and getting conflicting advice. Our GP told us to take away his cutting implements and comb his room for sharp objects, CAMHS told us to give them back to him! It was awful, and terrifying - the stakes couldn't be higher. I think the most important thing is to keep her communicating, take as much pressure off her as possible and let her know that she can come to you with anything and there'll be understanding and no judgement. I can offer a hand-hold and solidarity, I know how scary it is when your teenager is suddenly veering into this danger zone and you don't know what to do

I can totally sympathise. My dd 17 is the same, she's done all sorts of risky and dangerous stuff where members of the public thankfully called the police.
My dd is already with camhs and at the moment is having sessions with outreach who come to the house once a week but she says she doesn't feel it's helping. She's on meds but is mostly refusing to take them she takes them approximately every other day.
Every day I wake up with a sinking feeling in my stomach wondering if today will be the day she succeeds.

Sign up for a therapist, say there’s no commitment, they don’t have to carry on if they don’t find it helpful. If you rely on NHS you will be waiting years.

Can you afford private help?

We are almost 3 years in and CAMHS were so very very bad that DD now refuses to talk to anyone.

If we had our time again we would not pin our hope on CAMHS.

@flameproof that's what we will try and do for now. Thank you, I feel somewhat calmer now having someone to talk to about it all.

@cantthinkofabetterusername I'm sorry your going through it currently also. I can imagine how you must be feeling. Yesterday I daren't let DC out of my sight just in case. I hope your DD comes out the other side and is ok.

@SunshinePie I will start looking around for somebody, thank you.

@Pimpernella I don't but I will find it if needed! I've already had a very bad experience with Camhs as my other child has additional needs. We had to go privately then too! Hope your DD gets through it also.

Slight update - after waiting most of the day with no phone call and ringing 7 different numbers to try and chase up who was dealing with it, DC has now spoken to the crisis team and they will call him over the weekend to check in and arrange a face to face meeting next week.

That sounds positive.

Sometimes you just need something like that to hold onto to get you through.

I hope things become more peaceful for you all soon.

@Apples66 it's the most difficult thing I've ever gone through as a parent. DD has been like this for around a year now, it's so hard to see them suffering and not being able to make it stop.
There's a useful group on Facebook called Parenting Mental Health, I joined it and it's full of people who know exactly what we're going through, it really does help me to know I'm not alone and there's people in there who just get it.

Going through something similar, but with my 10 year old. She's really struggling. Writing notes and stuff. I'm also at a loss