Are these autistic traits?

[canterburytails]

I have name changed for this as I suspect that I am known on here by some fellow school parents.

DD(11) has always had issues socialising with other children and I am now wondering if she may actually be on the spectrum for autism. She is extremely bright (think GCSE+ level math ability, very interested in science and computers, very musical with a few grade 5s already). If something interests her she will throw herself obsessively into it - she started a new instrument 4 weeks ago and is already working towards grade 2 for example).

The social issues seem to be worsening though, she has acquaintances at school but no real friends and she has known some of these children since she was three years old. So some examples of her behaviour,

• difficulty maintaining friendships - she seems to have no trouble talking to new people at courses etc but can't maintain them at school;
• watching the same TV shows and listening to the same audio books repeatedly;
• can be quite direct in her speech (though not deliberately unkind) and doesn't always seem to see social cues or understand passive aggressive behaviour - so for example that people she thought that she was friends with no longer wish to be with her;
• frequently looks serious even though she feels happy apparently;
• eating one food group at a time on her plate - so all peas would be eaten, then fish, then potatoes etc;
• removal of socks the moment she arrives home from anywhere;
• emotionally she seems more like an 8 year old and is extremely sensitive and tears come quickly.

Does of any of this resonate with anyone?

See how she scores on this. This is what Psychiatry UK uses in their assessments. psychology-tools.com/test/autism-spectrum-quotient

I think they do sound like autistic traits. You can follow up by asking the GP for a referral for diagnosis. It seems to be taking about 2yrs to go through the process at the moment. I asked the school for help in my DDs case but they couldn't see it at all. They just had a high achiever, they hadn't noticed the lack of social skills and she saved all her melt downs for me when she was at home so they just didn't get that side of her. The GP did refer her through and we have now got a diagnosis which I think will help as she goes through school / GCSEs etc when pressure increases. Good Luck!

Yes some of your examples do sound like typical traits and behaviour autistic people show. I know it's harder to diagnose girls but please don't give up, I wish I had pursued things for my Ds when I first suspected autism but I was told by family members I was wrong. Consequently I let it go and he was 17 before getting the diagnosis and school was such a miserable time for him. It's the one thing I regret and even if your daughter isn't autistic then at least you know.

She does sound like me tbh and I'm autistic. If you do the RAADS test it might help you with this situation.

I was diagnosed with autism a few years back and Relate to most things on your list if that helps. Hasn’t really affected my life or friendships at all.

They definitely could be signs! The quiz linked above is brilliant. She sounds very similar to my eldest, who we sought a private assessment for in the end. Her school didn’t see much to be concerned about as she is bright and had no real behavioural issues. The GP is a good call to get things started if school hasn’t made a suggestion to. Good luck.

Does she also struggle with eye contact, prefers talking to adults too people her own age, dislike certain materials (e.g stickers) and dislikes being touched by others ?

She sounds similar to my ds who was diagnosed with autism when he was 4. He is 14 now and always watches same thing on TV, issues with food, sensory issues with clothes, acquaintances at school but no real friendships. The big thing for him is he needs routine and needs to know what he will be doing in advance. He is not as good as your dd academically but otherwise sounds similar.

To add to previous posters, I'd also say there's enough in your post to ask your GP for a referral for an autism assessment.

The poor or lack of eye contact trait and lack of empathy trait are often not present in girls, so don't think that makes any difference. It's not a matter of ticking lots of boxes on a checklist, it's more to do with the intensity of the traits and how the traits affect her daily life.

My DD is diagnosed, the only thing in your OP she doesn't do is eat her foodstuffs in order, although she does a lot of other things you've not mentioned.

In general, kids with neurodiversity have an emotional age about two thirds of their chronological age, so you're spot on with that observation.

Have a long browse through this website, it explains sensory issues and a lot more. Because you're not yet clued-up about the sensory side of things (e.g. socks off at home) you'd probably not realised they also apply to Autism, ADHD etc. www.theottoolbox.com/

I would recommend this video of a talk by Sarah Hendrickx about autism in girls and women and how it tends to present. It put me on a path to diagnosis myself. I agree lots of the things you have listed point to autism. Your DD sounds a lot like me at that age - she also sounds like a brilliant and amazing person