Is this anxiety? Irrational fears and rituals

[sunflowerloves]

My 7 year old daughter is on the waiting list for autism assessment, has sensory issues and has increasingly concerning and odd behaviour.

she has developed a fear that her parents spit when they talk. This means she will scream/cry when they speak close to her (she leaves the room crying.) She will then find an object to rub the imagined spit off, wash or sometimes shower. It results in a meltdown so this past week we have just tried to accomadte her.

if we talk when we cook or serve her food she will refuse to eat it. She covers her plate with her hand whilst eating to clean it clean from spit.

it’s escalating every day and today was a terrible morning as on the school run I said something (about crossing the road) which meant she had to run herself agains a tree and a fence to clean herself. She will walk really far behind me so I don’t spit on her.

it’s so disturbing and I don’t even recognise her anymore, I’m so distraught and upset for her as she’s obviously struggles massively. I just want to give her a big hug, but she would completely fall apart if I did. I try to be positive and keep it light whilst showering her with love and we often end up writing to each other as she can tolerate that form of communication and I get to be a bit silly and also tell her how much I love her etc and I understand she’s having a hard time.

she has sensory issues which means restricted clothing and I can’t touch or handle these either.

school tells me they see a sociable, happy child with no learning difficulties. I just wish they could see a glimpse of what we are dealing with everyday.

she has had no assessment and I’m ready to go private to help her. Getting a diagnosis isn’t so important, but I want to help her with this current cycle of ocd/anxiety or whatever it is? Can anyone recommend someone? We are in London.

thanks for reading.

What does she think will happen if spit gets on her/ on her food? What are her worries, if any?

It could be OCD but could also be obsessive behaviour associated with ASD. It's difficult to know without actually knowing what her thoughts are and without an assessment.

I would speak to the autism team about this, given she is on their waiting list, and if they can't help, ask for a referral to the mental health team/ CAMHS.

Speak to the school and see if they can arrange some counselling sessions. I know in my children's school - some of the staff have had additional training so they can also offer extra support. If it helps, see if you can record what happens and go and speak to the head teacher - they should hopefully be able to help or make a referral. X

As OP said school aren't seeing the same concerns, either she's masking it or school aren't picking up on it, therefore I'm not sure what support school will be willing to or able to offer.

I'd be seeking a referral. Have you spoken to the GP about these concerns?

So she isnt worried that the teachers or other children will spit on her or her food. I would be surprised if she could keep that in with OCD. Its got to have come from somewhere. If she likes the writing style of communication could you try to ask questions about it via that method. So ask why it upsets her you might spit on her but not her teachers or freinds. It sounds really hard I have an ASD 20yr old DS and have seen many an obsession and things he cant cope with all have got better in time but lots of talking has been required which is hard here. Best of luck.

Contamination OCD possibly?
I would look for a referral asap, but I'm not in UK so not much help there.
I found Clare Sanders 'Parenting OCD' helpful.
The incidence of OCD is higher in autistic people. Obviously it could be something else too, but her behaviour is similar to my DS who has both diagnoses.

My DS was referred to CAMHs for OCD at 7 and was DXed with ASD at 11 (we put it off but knew it was coming). He didn't need treatment for the OCD by the time he saw the psychiatrist as we had managed to get out under control once we realised what it was but he was put "on their books" so that he could be seen again if needed, luckily a bit of research from me and the fact he trusted me meant we managed to nip it in the bud using his logical tendencies and empowering stories about him overcoming fears and "monsters" using the "weapon of truth" made up incorporating his favourite themes. Sounds corny but he was really into knights at the time.
Initially his contamination fear grew from a visit to a "poison garden" and also grew to include intrusive thoughts about accidentally harming others.
Check out "What to do when your brain gets stuck" by Dawn Heubner, i discovered her books after DS had already improved but they are accessible CBT workbooks for children with various common issues.