7 year old anxiety - where to seek help

[Koalaleia]

DD(7) seems to be really struggling at the moment, not wanting to go to school, crying every morning & refusing to get ready, crying before bed. She also seems to be worrying a lot about all sorts of other things - loud noises, fires, burglars, spiders, too scared to go upstairs alone, what people think or say about her etc etc.

We’ve already approached school who are understanding but say she is perfectly happy during the day there & think she’s just messing us around at home. She’s completely distraught, it’s starting to result in her either arriving late at school or having to leave the house without being dressed or hair/teeth done.

I’m wondering if she may be suffering with anxiety and want to know how I should go about getting her some additional support as the measures we’ve taken so far just don’t seem to be helping. Is this something school can instigate or do I need to see her GP first?

Is home education an option? Or talking to school about flexischooling? She sounds totally overwhelmed by school.
Send her to a few clubs a week for socialisation? Less overwhelming. Maybe trying school again when she's a bit older and her mental health is in a better place. She's so young to be suffering.

We’re not in a position to home school & tbh even if we were I’m not sure I’d be too keen after the last 2 years! She already does a couple of out of school activities. No issues with bullying or friendships, but there has been massive upheaval within the school recently which I think is contributing. We could move schools but then she will also have additional upheaval of leaving her friends & not 100% sure that’s in her best interests right now.

I just really need to know how to start the ball rolling for mental health support for her, is it via school or the GP?

Hi my ds has anxiety connected to his ASD, I requested a referral to HYMs via school and the GP. Been waiting about 6 months and not heard anything, I'm hoping within another 6 we might get somewhere.

Speak to the senco again, get a proper meeting or in an email, we were fobbed off for a long time with similar 'oh he's fine at school.' But there are resources you need linking to, just because she's presenting fine at school doesn't mean she is fine. My ds masks all day and just follows the routine but at home he's a nervous wreck because that's his safe space for it all to come out. Our school also has outside agencies that deal with stress and mental health so ask your senco about what links your school has. They should have some connections they can refer you to!

While I wait for the referral, I've been put on various online courses to help so at the very least you should be offered resources like that.

Thankyou @SmallOrFarAway, I’ve already met with the head and am having a follow up later (in person) to discuss. Senco is only in part time so depending on outcome of today will ask if I should meet with them too. Will also ask re links to outside agencies. Also what is HYMs?

Healthy Young Minds, used to be called Cahms, but my son's GP referral paperwork was for MASSH which is multi use something or other, so ask about those.

Actually just thought HYMs might be a local name for it only in the North West, as it was previously just cahms, so your local services may well be something different if they branched off like ours did. But if you ask about cahms then your senco should know as I think that's a nationwide thing.

One of my dc is the same - I feel like one of those mothers that make up illnesses for their child sometimes as at school and once they are in activities, they are the life and soul! But getting them there has been traumatic! For my dc it has ebbed and flowed so we're currently in an okay spell. I don't know what changes things though but I'm trying for consistency in expectations and routine. I have also stuck with things they complain about - I sometimes wonder why but I read that for anxiety they have to have the chance to experience it will be okay rather than just not do it. And I find over the top praise works - I'm sure most 7 year old don't need so much gush about going into school nicely but if I time it on a relatively good day anyway then it seems to have a really positive effect. It's really tough OP - I sympathise and would be interested to hear what your school say as I haven't gone down that route yet but have got very close recently

DS11 has an anxiety disorder, linked to his dyslexia and dyspraxia. Diagnosed age 9 and was school refusing on and off for much of Yr5 and 6 so we've been through this.

Firstly, your GP can refer her to CAMHS, but you may also be able to self refer, where are you based? Wait lists can be long, but in our experience the support once you get there is excellent. DS had a course of CBT which made a huge difference to him.

Don't pull her out, don't let her stay home and I'd also avoid moving schools. All the advice at this stage is to keep sending them in, otherwise you validate the anxiety she's experiencing and it'll snowball. I know that is easier said than done when she's panicking and so distraught but you need to try and stick to your guns, even if that means agreeing a slightly later start, or going in a different way etc.

School need to get on board and acknowledge her anxiety more. The attitude "but she's fine in school" is in my opinion, twaddle. She may just be holding it together in school and letting it out where she feels safest. Google the organisation "not fine in school" I can't get it to link on my phone!

School also need to be seeing if there's something else underlying it, just to rule out possible ASD or SpLDs etc. They need to be taking your concerns more seriously.

I can share some anxiety resources you could try when I'm back later, will try and remember!