Has anyone given up their job to support their dc(s)? How do you manage both?

[Cupcake00]

I'm a single parent to 3 dds. My eldest has left home. I have 2 teens living at home, 16 and 14. I have been a single parent for 12 years so I'm used to busy. I'm a mental health nurse and trained a few years back (the hardest thing I have ever done).
My youngest is such a caring and sensitive soul. I have had trouble getting her back to school after lockdown. However, after a return phase, she started to go full time. Although, not really liking school she still went. However, she has been really struggling with feeling sad and gets anxious quite easily. She has been struggling with intrusive thoughts and it has completely traumatised her. I have been supporting her and working through this day by day. She won't speak to anybody apart from me. She doesn't leave my side and has started sleeping in my bed with me. It's heartbreaking to see her this way. I know I can manage this and I know I can help her. However, I have taken a new job and I'm finding managing mental health in others really difficult. Along with a few personal health issues myself (caused by stress during work/pandemic), I'm struggling to juggle everything. I feel like giving the whole nursing thing up. Mental health nursing isn't like general nursing, there aren't many avenues you can go down. It's a very heavy career. I have spoken to my mum (nobody else to turn to), she keeps telling me dd is fine and I have worked so hard for this career and I'm good at my job. My mum has always put work first, this I remember as a child and growing up. My younger brother struggled and it wasn't dealt with, this spiralled and he suffered terribly as an adult.
Sorry for life story, I just needed to talk somewhere.
I have a mortgage and bills to pay. I feel very stuck.
Do I give up nursing? Or am I not thinking rationally right now?

that sounds very tough.

Could you ease the pressure by maybe taking an annual leave day every week?

Or maybe take some time off just to evaluate. It could be your DD will struggle whether you're at work or not. Hugs for you anyway

Thamkyou so much. I have had time off due to physical health. I have only just started this post. My head just doesn't seem focused on it. I know my dd will struggle but I'm wondering if a less stressful job will help me manage things a little better. I don't know. Its hard to know what to do.

If you give up work, won't the financial strain also take a toll?

Is your daughter involved in any activities outside of school? Does she have friends? Or a guidance teacher she could approach?

In my experience, the only way to alleviate this sort of anxiety is to do things that make you anxious... Joining a club, striking up a conversation with someone new, starting something new... It won't help your daughter to be always in her head, at home, looking inward, with you. I've been that teenager... And I have a mum who has been so anxious and scared to live that she has barely left the house in 20 years.

I think your job is to support your daughter by gently coaxing her into getting involved in the world and out of her head. Maybe that sounds trite and insensitive, but it's what works...

I am in this situation with one of my DC and consider myself very lucky that I work part time (from home) so have been able to be here and available literally 24\7 for the past couple of years. Even so I struggle to concentrate on my work when my child is having a bad day. I also have a partner so I can sympathise and take my hat off to you for coping thus far - it's a very difficult situation to be in and a massive strain emotionally.
Undoubtedly it would make things easier if you have a less stressful job. Can you reduce hours or change roles at all within your job? Do you have any contingency plan financially?
As a nurse you are clearly skilled in this area but I would still recommend joining the private FB group called Parenting Mental Health...for emotional support on this lonely journey if nothing else.

What would you do instead? I understand the impact of your type of role though, and have decided to leave mine to prioritise my kids. But I have my DH salary to rely on, making it easier. What a pressured situation for you.

Yes, that's a worry as I'm not sure what I would do. I wouldn't not work, just take a less stressful job.
My dd has friends but no out of school activity, she won't do anything. She has always been very shy. I try to encourage her but can't physically force her.
She has done very well in putting herself forward into what may seem uncomfortable situations, I praise her for this. I have been working on thoughts etc. Distraction techniques, motivation and building self esteem. I'm trying everything I possibly can. My head spins some days with work too. I'm aware of the consequences and determined that I will do everything possible to support my dd.

Thankyou for your messages.
I'm sorry to hear you're both in the same situation. It's so difficult. It's such a worry and yes, it's definitely taking its toll emotionally.
I have thought about working in a nursery. I did for a short while before nursing. The salary is very low, however.
I work 30 hours but they're a very intense 30 hours. I am able to work one day at home, this is why I took the position. Although I do have to travel further on the days I work.
Most roles in mental health are heavy. There isn't anything else I could go in to that would allow a Mon to Fri.

Have you thought about parental leave? It is unpaid but would give you some time to think and make sure resigning is the right decision.

Do you get DLA for DD? If not, apply as then if you do resign you can apply for carers allowance.

Is DD attending school full time now? I know you said she started to but has this carried on? Have you spoken to school and the GP? Are they offering support? Have you considered applying for an EHCNA?

Thanks for your message. Sorry for late reply, it was a difficult day yesterday. No, this is her 2nd week off. She has probably had a day each week at home since going back after Christmas. I haven't spoken to the GP. My dd won't speak to anyone. If I mention it she gets so upset. We were up late last night. Evening I found a sleep app to try to help her drift off to sleep. I'm going into work today and she is staying home. My 16 year old dd is home today too.
I'm absolutely dreading my day, I'm exhausted and have a new job to learn, my heart is not in it.
I am expecting a call from dds school teacher today. Not sure what the plan can be going forward but I need to explain what's going on. I'm not sure what EHCNA is?

If DD cannot attend school the LA must provide alternative education under s.19 of the Education Act 1996. This should begin as soon as it becomes clear DC will miss 15 days, the 15 days don’t have to be consecutive for ongoing conditions.

An EHCNA is the assessment before the LA deciding whether to issue an EHCP or not. You should apply for one.

I think you also need to speak to the GP and try to get a referral. Even if all you get out of it is a prescription to try melatonin and evidence of need.

F