I wasn't sure about posting this as I know it will probably all sound a bit vague but I have a niggling feeling that something is not quite right with DS9. It's kind of come to a head after spending 2 weeks with him at home over Christmas
Even since he was a baby he's always been a very anxious and sensitive child, prone to extremes of emotions. I noticed that his tolerance of anything: heat, cold, hunger, boredom was much lower than my friends babies! DH's siblings all suffer from anxiety/depression and MIL had undiagnosed bipolar for most of her life. Not sure if it's relevant but anyway...
As he's got older DS can be very anxious about things - these can be quite random e.g he doesn't like eating cooked chicken in case he gets food poisoning, won't use the toilet when we're on holiday, worries if I feed the rabbit the wrong food etc...He hates making decisions and will agonise over simple choices such as a packet of sweets at the shop, often changing his mind several times and taking forever!
He is well behaved at school - quiet and conscientious but seems to struggle to form lasting friendships and to 'fit in' though he really tries. This hasn't been helped by starting a new school 2 yrs ago and all of the time missed due to Covid. I have noticed that when he plays with friends on his headset he can be argumentative and stroppy with them just like he is with us!
At home is the worst behaviour wise. He is highly strung and emotional and likes to be in control whenever possible - of what's on TV, what we eat, what he wears, completely dominates his younger sibling if we let him (which we don't!)
DS enjoys new experiences and days out but will put pressure on himself for example he wanted to try out the drop slide at the local play park but couldn't pluck up the courage so began crying loudly in frustration and shouting at me saying he wanted to go home. Similar behaviour at a water park when he wouldn't go on the flume but became angry with himself and directed it at us.
If he doesn't get his own way at home he will often argue and shout and try to grind us down trying to get us to relent. He can be emotionally manipulative at times and has tried to self harm by punching and scratching himself or threatening to hurt himself as he knows this will provoke a reaction from me (we did also go through a period where he would write me 'hate mail' whilst in one of his rages!)
At times I feel as though his mood swings and outbursts are like a black cloud over us. Days out and holidays are sometimes an ordeal as his behaviour can be thoroughly unpleasant - moody, sulking, shouty etc. He is aware that if he yells or is rude to me or DH or unkind to his brother then there are consequences e.g time in his room to calm down or losing time on his switch and accepts these. When he is calm and happy he is an absolute delight and he can be incredibly loving and kind.
I guess I'm not sure if is just him - personality, warts n all or whether it sounds like some sort or anxiety disorder? Either way I would like to help him as I have a feeling that this could only get worse as he enters his teens.