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Child mental health

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Original poster

What has happened to my 8 yo DS?

68 replies

Riddlediddle · 14/12/2021 10:56

A month ago I had a happy, outgoing and confident DS. Easygoing and nothing phased him. Went to clubs, plays for sports teams and obsessed with football. Over the last month he has changed completely - this started by him withdrawing from activities (he had a cough and cold at the time so by him saying he wasn't up to going because he was poorly we just accepted that and didn't notice what was happening) but now we are in a position where he will not watch TV, refuses to go to school, won't even go to a park or have a kick around on a field. It's clear he has anxiety about even leaving the house but he says he doesn't know why. On any attempt to even leave the house he needs the toilet for a poo and then yawns continuously and lays on the floor saying he is too tired. Then he gets upset and shuts himself in his room. We've had blood tests to rule anything physical out - all normal so it is clearly a mental health issue. With all the covid stuff going on and school being understaffed they can't really support at the moment. I've contacted GP who made a CAMHS referral but they rang me and said the wait times are months if not years for support. Please what can I do to help him??? We just want our son back - being trapped in like this is no life for him it's heartbreaking to see

OP posts:

Original poster

Riddlediddle · 14/12/2021 15:22

Thanks everyone. Really appreciate your support. What's made things even worse is he had covid recently (only poorly for one day) so the 10 day isolation just really played into the situation as we couldn't leave the house for 10 days. He was almost happy when he knew he had covid as he realised that he would be solely in the house for 10 days. Covid wasn't a concern for him - we spoke through how it generally just makes people have a cold and loads of his friends have had it so its not as though covid was a worry for him. It's definitely something else that has triggered some kind of social anxiety

OP posts:

Strangevipers · 14/12/2021 15:22

Covid stressing him out if he hadn't been well maybe he thinks the dreaded Covid is after him ?

Someone has bullied him at clubs ?

He put himself forward in one of the clubs and was torn down I.e to be captain or something ?

Embarrassed himself ?

Generally lost interest ! Are other clubs an option ? Or just generally lost interest

Sounds stupid but the weather ? SAD syndrome

All a boot too much being off school, then back to school and clubs and xmas coming

Friend moved away or left ?

Shuffling in schoool with reading or writing and is effecting his confidence outside of school ?

Original poster

Riddlediddle · 14/12/2021 15:30

@Strangevipers all possibilities. I need the magic key to unlock his thoughts

OP posts:

Strangevipers · 14/12/2021 15:34

Would relaxing techniques help and maybe if you did the blow for a few days and see if he is ready to say what's going on ?

weighted blanket

-lavender under pillow -bubble bath and warm shower -head massage -foot spa -incence -get a takeaway and have a movie night With some hot chocolate and sweets -Camille tea with honey and sugar and lemon

do something fun like make pancakes and try talking

Turquoisesol · 14/12/2021 15:35

Most likely I would say is some sort of bullying or friend situation is creating this. Although my ds got very worried about the incident a few months ago where a little boy was killed when struck by lightning, so it could be he heard about something like that.

Just2MoreSeasons · 14/12/2021 15:36

In case it helps, my dd (12) just had covid. She has slept A LOT. Her isolation is up but she's still much more tired than usual, afternoon nap, early nights etc she also has been more than happy to stay in for 10 days. She wouldn't be happy at all at a busy event out of the house.
I know your son is much younger but I just want to say he may genuinely be fatigued and be anticipating'busy' and exaggerating his response to going out because he doesn't feel like it- I.e. he's too tired.
Even if that doesn't explain all of it it might be part of it.

AFingerofFudge · 14/12/2021 15:38

If the change was quite a sudden one, I can imagine (and I'm no expert) that there was a particular traumatic incident that might have triggered it. And by traumatic incident, it could be something that might not necessarily feel traumatic for one person but feel very traumatic for another. This doesn't really help, apart from perhaps widening your thinking to recent events just before the change, maybe something happened that made him feel panicky, and now he attributes similar situations to that one?

Original poster

Riddlediddle · 14/12/2021 15:40

He definitely isn't tired. He has energy at home when he wants to. It's only when we talk about going out that he says he is 'tired'. It's just a defence mechanism

OP posts:

Moonface123 · 14/12/2021 16:08

If your son has suffered a panic attack outdoors then he will be extremely frightened of experiancing another one. Panic attacks are very distressing, you feel like you are losing control, it can affect your bowel movements, this could be why he feels he needs to go to the toilet before leaving the house, and has started to avoid going out.
Home will be his safe place, there is alot of info on panic online, and a good book called "Dare" on Amazon.
There is also a forum called Not Fine At School which has many parents and students is same boat. Panic attacks are treatable but it does take time.

Original poster

Riddlediddle · 14/12/2021 16:21

Home is definitely his safe space. Oddly though tonight he has a bday card for his friend and my dp has just driven him around there to take it to him and he seemed excited about that. So it's clearly something about new people/crowds/new situations. Like he will happily watch a football match highlights for 2 mins but is petrified of putting a live match on TV. I just wish I could work it out and help him. I'd give anything to take all this worry and anxiety off him

OP posts:

parrotonmyshoulder · 14/12/2021 16:51

Something he’s seen on TV/ YouTube etc? Not necessarily on purpose but just popped up? Have you told school?

Original poster

Riddlediddle · 14/12/2021 17:21

Yes school are aware because they've seen him in the mornings not wanting to go in and had to come and meet him at the doorto rey and persuade him and I've been speaking to them about the reasons why when he hasn't been there. It's some sort of trauma and reaction to something it's so complex x

OP posts:

EvilPea · 14/12/2021 17:27

The school should be able to access some therapy for him without the need for cahms. All mine have had various bits over their time at primary. A bit of play therapy or just the “chatty lady”. They do help.
I talked to the school and they suggested what they thought. Have another chat with them

TheVanguardSix · 14/12/2021 17:28

Is he close with you and your DP, OP?
Will he leave a room if say, you come into the same room (or your DP for that matter)? Does he have siblings?

IncessantNameChanger · 14/12/2021 17:29

OP have you heard of PANDAs? It's a sudden behavioural change after a strep infection

This isnt the best link but it's a starting point
www.healthline.com/health/pandas-syndrome

Tal45 · 14/12/2021 17:44

Small steps OP. He went to his friend's house, that's brilliant. Could his friend come over to play and then perhaps he might be able to go to the friends? The more normal, positive things you can bring into his life from outside the better. Has he got any other good friends like this that he might like over and to maybe go visit? Anything you can slowly do to expand his world. What else might he watch on tv? Could he play football in the garden?

I think what's wrong with him could be agoraphobia, it can develop out of nowhere in childhood with the child not really knowing what is happening just that 'this feel safe and that doesn't'. I think it may have been triggered by the argument but he might not realise that himself and it might never be clear. An article here,
childmind.org/article/agoraphobia-in-children/

JaninesEyePatch · 14/12/2021 17:59

I know you've said he won't write it down but maybe that's because he knows you'll see it.
Years ago I bought my son a Worry Eater toy. It's a soft toy with a zip for a mouth. The child can write their worries on a note and put it in the worry eaters mouth and he eats it up.
Obviously I looked at the notes - omg heartbreaking - but I never told him I had.
It might be something that he just can't tell you.

Original poster

Riddlediddle · 14/12/2021 18:15

@Tal45 that article is VERY interesting and has made me think a lot. That does sound like it could eb some form of agoraphobia he's suffering from. I'm thinking of just before it started and we were watching a large football match with a few thousamd people there and he had a bad cough (not covid). He was constantly coughing and people were looking at him (understandably given the current situation) and maybe he felt embarrassed and scared by it??? I don't know I'm pulling at straws again but it's a possibility

OP posts:

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