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Original poster

What has happened to my 8 yo DS?

68 replies

Riddlediddle · 14/12/2021 10:56

A month ago I had a happy, outgoing and confident DS. Easygoing and nothing phased him. Went to clubs, plays for sports teams and obsessed with football. Over the last month he has changed completely - this started by him withdrawing from activities (he had a cough and cold at the time so by him saying he wasn't up to going because he was poorly we just accepted that and didn't notice what was happening) but now we are in a position where he will not watch TV, refuses to go to school, won't even go to a park or have a kick around on a field. It's clear he has anxiety about even leaving the house but he says he doesn't know why. On any attempt to even leave the house he needs the toilet for a poo and then yawns continuously and lays on the floor saying he is too tired. Then he gets upset and shuts himself in his room. We've had blood tests to rule anything physical out - all normal so it is clearly a mental health issue. With all the covid stuff going on and school being understaffed they can't really support at the moment. I've contacted GP who made a CAMHS referral but they rang me and said the wait times are months if not years for support. Please what can I do to help him??? We just want our son back - being trapped in like this is no life for him it's heartbreaking to see Sad

OP posts:
Mama1980 · 14/12/2021 13:52

My eldest had years of all kinds of therapy including art and play.
A lot of the initial recommendations were what has been suggested here, keep his world small, lots of affection, attention and a totally united front. Stabilise the foundations of his world.
Likewise an initial assessment might be the way to go, especially if you feel his anxiety is getting worse rather than better. A proper therapist will be able to offer some more concrete strategies and advice.

Inquisitivearchitect · 14/12/2021 13:55

Oh @Riddlediddle what a worry for you! You aren’t a bad parent at all.

Have you and DH sat with your DS and played Lego as a family? Or maybe drawing / colouring together? He needs to feel part of something, secure and loved.

I highly recommend that you and DH put on some gentle music (like Ben Howard or Jack Johnson), sit down and play. All 3 of you and no tv and no mobile phones.

Is that something you can do? x

Inquisitivearchitect · 14/12/2021 13:58

Another thing you can do is the worry tree. You draw the tree @Riddlediddle and DS adds his branches of things he likes and he’s proud of / good at. He can just make a verbal list and you do the rest.

Would a new school help in anyway? Bit drastic but sounds like he needs a fresh start.

I was depressed when I was 8 but I had dance therapy and my mum got a cat to help me (my parents split up & I missed my Dad lots).

Do you have pets? Can you get one? X

SobranieCocktail · 14/12/2021 14:01

Given that the change followed him having a virus, I wonder if it could be "PANDAS"?

HumphreyCobblers · 14/12/2021 14:03

I was going to say PANS/PANDAS. There might be an physical cause. Worth ruling out.

Polmuggle · 14/12/2021 14:03

Op is there any chance he had an accident while out the house and has managed to cover it up? I know someone who can't leave the house without going for a poo and it's because they're anxious of this

toddybell · 14/12/2021 14:09

Please look up PANS/PANDAS. There was a thread on here about a few weeks ago.

www.panspandasuk.org

toddybell · 14/12/2021 14:09

About it**

Original poster
Riddlediddle · 14/12/2021 14:14

@Polmuggle no I definitely don't think so. It is just the general anxiety about having to leave the house that causes him to need the toilet poor thing. He also starts excessively yawning too when we need to leave and lays on the floor saying he is too tired (despite him having been fine about 30mins before this). It's all anxiety related

OP posts:
FrownedUpon · 14/12/2021 14:19

He may be scared of leaving you in the house in case you get hurt or Dad leaves again. I’d go for private therapy. The longer he doesn’t go out/attend school the worse it will get.

Original poster
Riddlediddle · 14/12/2021 14:22

Ive just looked at PANS and he hasn't got the OCD or food issues so I really don't think it is that. There are moments at home when he seems happy and fine (e.g. when playing board games) but any talk or thoughts of doing something out of the house and he literally changes into a shell of himself. Same when it is about tv - if anything other than his cartoons or lingo is put on he gets panicked and has to leave the room upset (we obviously then just turn the TV off). Even shows like the chase which he loved are now banned for us.

OP posts:
Loopyloulou007 · 14/12/2021 14:23

My boy, changed overnight. All the round about questions, never got anywhere, but he started getting more and more angry. He knew I knew something was up and let him know that whatever is on his mind, a problem shared is a problem halved. My boy was 13 though, in the end it was a text conversation, didn't want to say it to my face. He is a soft soul, but good at sport and the problem was, he beat a boy at table tennis, the boy had not taken it well and was making constant digs at him, all classes, walking past in corridors etc and then everyone else laughing, so starting chipping at his confidence. He was never good at quick one liners, so we practiced some and I called the school, told his older sister and she told all her friends (in confidence) so they would watch out for him. The school got the other boy and him in a meeting to discuss and it went away, but he hasn't still played table tennis yet. My advice here, would be, being that he is 8, maybe a journal, so that he can write down how he feels in his own words, in his own time, might give you some insight as to how he feels and also for any counsellor you may find.

SobranieCocktail · 14/12/2021 14:23

Yes I could see that article focused more on the OCD side of things, but I've heard of it manifesting "just" as separation anxiety.

Original poster
Riddlediddle · 14/12/2021 14:50

No he won't write it or draw. He just says he doesn't know why he feels like he does but he would like to know and realises that we also want to know so we can help him. Even now my dp just mentioned popping out to grab a coffee and for ds to go too - he literally froze and said he can't because it will be busy. This is heartbreaking

OP posts:
gogohm · 14/12/2021 14:54

On the time scale you describe it's got to be an event or situation rather than general mental health, you having a disagreement let's call it with his father could be a catalyst. I also wonder if the lack of daylight could be a factor, it is for many people - did he have mood changes in previous winters?

Camhs are overrun with youngsters with lifelong issues so something so sudden will take time to get prioritised, perhaps try talking to him, or a trusted adult talking to him.

To be honest my instinct was bullying or abuse, I would revisit these as possibilities

Iggly · 14/12/2021 14:55

Is he 100% over his cough/cold? It sounds silly but are you sure it’s not post viral
Fatigue? My ds had a bad cold and he just took a few weeks to shift it properly. We noticed once he was properly over it, his energy levels jumped back up. We ended up getting antibiotics as he had a chest infection but was so up and down with it.

Budapestdreams · 14/12/2021 14:57

Poor thing, he is very anxious isn't he. I would definitely get school involved. There has been an increase in anxiety in children over the past few years, a good school will be experienced and want to help.
I'd also go private for therapy if you can afford it.

Hellocatshome · 14/12/2021 15:01

If you can afford it try to get himmsome sessions with a therapist. My son has various anxiety related issues and we found a therapist who accessed some funding for him and so the sessions were £25 an hour. We are still paying them off now but they definitely helped. They also ran a sort of youth club 1 evening a month that he found very helpful.

Original poster
Riddlediddle · 14/12/2021 15:05

When you say therapist what exactly should i be looking for? I've googled but it's overwhelming. What qualifications should they have?

OP posts:
AntiHop · 14/12/2021 15:08

Just take a look at this just in case it could be what's happening. Very rare condition

www.panspandasuk.org/what-are-pans-and-pandas

Joystir59 · 14/12/2021 15:10

Trauma, abuse, bullying, bereavement? Something has happened for sure.

Mama1980 · 14/12/2021 15:12

The GP is a good starting point, they will be able to recommend someone locally or direct you to local services especially if you're willing to pay.
The school should also have the details of local services if you don't speak to a GP

Turquoisesol · 14/12/2021 15:14

My ds is super sensitive and went through a really difficult phase like this. One thing I found helped was I ordered on eBay or Amazon or something a laminated sheet with emoji faces of all the emotions they could be feeling. It was a good starting point for discussing how his day went or how he was feeling. He could point to an emotion instead of say it. Or you can go through them together and tell him you felt x today cos such and such. Dh you feel x at all today?
You can also be silly and play acting out an emotion and guessing which one it is, just for a laugh.

I hope he feels better soon xx

Turquoisesol · 14/12/2021 15:17

If he goes back to school go to the playground and watch to see if he has friends to play with and if he is happy