Adhd son causing us anxiety

[Meandmykids1]

Hes not diagnosed but obviously adhd
He is super loud, shouty, talks too much, too fast, too loud.
Bossy to younger sister, its hard at times to have a conversation he creates such a stressful environment.
I am now on anxiety meds,
Oh often has to go upstairs as he can’t cope with the noise especially after a ten hour shift.
Anyone have tips/ experience

How old is he? My relative is in the process of trying to get her 6yo assessed / diagnosed. It's hard going.

He’s 9

Get him diagnosed and consider medication.

Hes been waiting coming up to 13 months now for diagnosis
Oh doesn’t want him on medication due to possible side effects 😭

My next old door neighbours ds got diagnosed with adhd. We could hear him through the walls of our semi detached house and we used to think crikey that is some noise going on but obviously understood it must be 100x worse being right next to it our poor ndn, every morning he'd scream and screech. He was absolutely lovely though it's just he had his moments due the adhd.

Anyway long story short, my ndn were the kind that cooked everything from scratch only ate organic blah blah basically did not want their dc on drugs of any sort but eventually they felt they had to go down the drugs route. I used to babysit him a lot and it was like a new boy after the drugs. Nearly all the loud and shouty sounds disappeared. He was still quite active and fidgety but way more manageable.
I'd probably speak to the GP and see what the drugs may or may not do and go over whether the benefits outweighs any side effects.

Thank you @roseinagarden

Yeah my relative is going down the private route due to NHS waits.

How old is he? I would suggest a coffee, my boy was 6 when I introduced it. Sounds odd, but google it. It's a stimulant, that does the opposite to those with ADHD, Will chill him out. Can you imagine his brain going a 1000 miles an hour, with thoughts in all directions, he has to release it all some how, it's confusing otherwise and will just become angry with violent outbursts. So you will get weird noises, constantly on the go, bouncing off everything, it's knackering just watching, I know. It made a big difference for my boy, his school even allows an iced coffee in his packed lunch, so he is not so bouncy for the PM lessons.

Also have a google on homeopathy, that's the route I went down. While you are waiting diagnosis. Then you can decide if you want to medicate, when the time comes.

Thanks @Loopyloulou007
He is 9
He’s finally settled down watching cartoons, after bouncing off the walls all evening
Hes been to martial arts for an hour today and been shopping and walked the dogs so not like he’s been sat in.
Im not sure if he will like coffee but worth a try i guess

He’s hurt his sister a few times,
Not malicious but whilst playing

Sorry but your husband doesn't get to opt out of parenting because he can't cope with the noise but block efforts to help your son by stopping him from taking medication.

I had a student of college age and he was on ADHD medication. One day he forgot to take it and he was unable to sit still and focus at all. I understand being reluctant to take medication but in some cases it really helps. I hope you get the guidance you need. Perhaps contact an ADHD support group. They might have some tips to help manage your situation and it is always helpful to share experiences.

I have had ADHD medication described as 'magic' by some people I know. It's not always the case and can take a while to get right.

That's so interesting about coffee.

Meandmykids1. Milky coffee with a sugar, or an iced coffee, milk shake style with ice cream. my boy even likes espresso , but he is weird with the things he like. Good things to have in the garden is a skipping rope and a pogo stick. They have to concentrate to use both and be physical. It won't wear them out mind, just helps them sleep. My boy before homeopathy was always in trouble, daily with school. Couldn't express how he felt, so just lashed out, all the time, that changed to not even being called now. It's hard though. I was literally in bed at 8.30pm, when he went as just watching him and keeping a constant eye, exhausted me. There are some goods kids books, to help explain adhd to him, so he just doesn't feel like the kid who is always being told off, I remember my boy, just saying he wanted to be normal, so he knew he wasn't like everyone else. Loses friends easy, through being over rough or saying things without thinking and fighting people who accidentally hurt him, assuming everyone does it on purpose. You will get there and get a balance, just takes forever. Even when I was struggling, the only help I got was medicate, nothing else is ever offered, like it's the fix, so read up on it all to see if it works for you and yours. Facebook group is good for advice from fellow parents. Good luck

ADHD medication can be extremely effective. You could always stop it again if it doesn't work for him.

We all have ADHD in my family (hereditary), although DS is the most badly affected. He screamed his way through baby and toddlerhood but it was when he started school that a diagnosis and treatment became absolutely necessary. We tried everything before starting him on medication.

DS was prescribed Concerta by a child psychiatrist when he was six, by which time we were desperate. Not just for our own sanity but for his well-being academically and socially. Ritalin was eventually found to be the most effective and yes, he lost weight and had trouble sleeping. So he was put on Ritalin LA (long acting) which helped his appetite and insomnia.

At 18, DS has finally stopped his meds. He's 190 cm (6'3) and well-built, sleeps like a log and no longer bounces off the walls, although he has a temper and is fairly impulsive.

Thanks everyone
Those who took medication were there any side effects?
Im hoping he gets seen & diagnosed soon.

@Jjjayfee

I had a student of college age and he was on ADHD medication. One day he forgot to take it and he was unable to sit still and focus at all. I understand being reluctant to take medication but in some cases it really helps. I hope you get the guidance you need. Perhaps contact an ADHD support group. They might have some tips to help manage your situation and it is always helpful to share experiences.

Like this l had a child in my class about 9 who had diagnosed ADHD. When he took his meds he was fabulous, full of energy but very pleasant and manageable. But the few times he forgot to take them he was unreal. Never saw anything like it. I thought the meds were brilliant for his sake( as well as mine) as he could not have sustained using some much energy long term and his whole education, friendships and family life would be seriously affected. On meds he could play on a team ..off them no way. So be open about meds as they could save ye all.

My 2 sons both had ADHD. I found if I physically wore them out they were better after. Consultant told me to buy a trampoline and get them to bounce for 30 mins every day after school. Also swimming and running. Basically exhaust them if you want them to be calmer. This on top of the Ritalin. If you go down the meds route feed child before taking drugs. He won't want to eat after as drugs suppress wanting to feed. After my son started on the Ritalin he went from 3rd Maths set to top set within a month.

I second the idea of a trampoline, and would add a decent punch bag into the mix.

I wasn't a fan of medication, but I found a relatively low dose for a short time (6 months in ds's case) really helped him to realise how out of control his brain could be. When he decided to stop taking the meds he could sense when he wasn't concentrating and he learned to take himself for time outs, and also learned what helped - certain music, chewing gum, rhythmic movement etc. Basically the time on the meds helped him to slow down and learn to self-manage.

dh was very, very against it, but looking back ds would say it really helped.

Side effects are growth slowed and child does not feel hungry, child has to have regular blood pressure checks, some children get blurred vision. Ritalin does not taste nice. I used to feed my son a cooked breakfast every morning before taking Ritalin in morning before school. I used to only medicate school days. At weekends and school holidays we made do without. A lot of excercise used to help at weekends and school holidays. I know it seems like it will never end but after my sons stopped taking medication at around 18 and 19 they were more calm. Eldest son is impulsive and never seems to spot danger. He was medicated later and although much.improved after medication he never had time to catch other children up so consequently only got lower GCSEs. Younger son medicated earlier did much better at school and medication allowed him to get good A levels. I still feel guilty for delaying older child's meds. He is just as bright as younger son but due to my hesitation in agreeing to meds, when I look back I realise he never stood a chance at school.

@Meandmykids1

Hes been waiting coming up to 13 months now for diagnosis Oh doesn’t want him on medication due to possible side effects 😭

Does your OH understand the possible negative outcomes of untreated ADHD? Poor education outcomes, increased risk of criminality/prison time, lower life expectancy from increased risk of accidents, risk taking behaviour, and poor choices (food, exercise, drug and alcohol use), issues with social skills and therefore lack of friendships, low self esteem, depression, anxiety.

Have a watch of this. It's a long one but excellent. You may want to watch in stages.

Thank you everyone

There is a course you can do online on Future Learn on Adhd. It’s free and covers meds and all the latest research

Thanks everyone. Those who took medication were there any side effects? Im hoping he gets seen & diagnosed soon.

Yeah, sure. Side effects were ability to concentrate normally at school, home and out in social settings, normalise behaviour, not be in constant trouble and have positive meaningful relationships with peers. How awful.

Mine has been in ADHD meds since 6 or 7yo and is now in their 20’s. They are not one to have ‘grown out of’ ADHD like most when brain wiring finally comes together properly and will be on meds for life. It’s meant they have had the opportunity to do brilliantly at school, uni and in their chosen profession. Without meds they seriously couldn’t get dressed or figure out how to make toast. No side effects other than a decreased appetite and for them was an issue as they were already in extremely underweight as a child PRIOR to starting the meds, however on balance they needed it to function. They are still rake thin as an adult but have always had extremely robust health even with no body fat, they just need to rug up well. They would eat more in the evening after coming off their meds than most of their siblings combined, eating substantially right up to bedtime, you just need to be flexible.