Child terrified of neighbour's German shepherd

[Anynamewilldo2]

Ds (just 7, year 2) has ADHD. We suspect also anxiety disorder and some ASD traits (his older sibling has ASD and anxiety). This can make him prone to fixating obsessively on things and unable to let go of something that bothers him even after a couple of years.

Our neighbours a few doors down have a large German shepherd. It's very very loud and barks at anyone who goes past. They live on a corner house with a gate to the street on one corner and a wall on the other side. The dog is not always there.

A few months ago when ds and I were walking home, the dog rushed at the gate and started barking loudly at us. We didn't know it was home and both of us got a shock. We walked around the corner and the dog must have raced across the garden and as we walked past the wall it jumped up and half onto the wall barking repeatedly at us.

I got a huge shock seeing it jump up, as it looked like it was leaping over the wall to attack us and I panicked and instinctively pushed my son behind me and he fell down. He wasn't hurt but I'm sure that added to his fear. I am not usually scared of dogs but I was utterly terrified as it's a very large loud dog and it was very aggressive.

Since then, understandably, my son has been very scared of this dog (I am too!) and we are having to walk across the road as soon as we get near this house. The problem is that he is also now terrified of every dog, of any size and he's starting to avoid going to places, including the park and friends houses because he is so scared of seeing dogs there. I really don't know how to help him with this. I can't tell him that the dog can't get over the wall because I don't know what it is capable of, and it seems to be really aggressive so we continue to walk on the other side for safety just in case it's home but that could be reinforcing his fear. I also want to help him cope with being with other dogs because it is really affecting him.

For the last few weeks the neighbours seemed to be doing building work and the dog wasn't there but I am dreading it coming back. I don't have any relationship with the neighbours at all.

Any ideas what we can do to help him with his fear of dogs? I tried taking him to a friend who has a small cuddly calm dog, and I held the dog to see if he could eventually approach it but he was hysterical at going in the house and when he calmed down he wouldn't go near it, staying frozen next to his dad and starting to meltdown if we said anything about him approaching the dog.

I've probably gone about helping him all wrong but I don't know much about dogs and I don't know what to do. Help!

I think I’d be looking for a therapist with experience of his needs to help him. A phobia of dogs will seriously limit his life and if he’s already stopped going out in case he runs into them it’s a concern.

Thanks @Sometimes, do I just Google therapists? I'm not sure where to start :/ Cahms near me were spectacularly unhelpful with my older child's anxiety and the super long waiting time has probably grown since then

I agree professional child counselling (privately sadly) is probably a good option.

Dog breeds like GSD's are often used as security dogs. They will have high boundary protection traits. While scary for you, essentially this type of dog is doing it's 'job', it's alerting to someone close to it's boundary and attempting to scare you away. I'm not sure explaining that would be helpful though?

Although the GSD is the trigger, I think you need to separate the two issues.

Your neighbour needs to improve their security if the dog is able to put top paws on the fence/wall and see you - that means he could likely scale it if highly motivated enough (unlikely as the barking is almost certainly a deterrent to come closer, or possibly even a misconstrued hello, but without knowing why take chances). Depending on your relationship with your neighbours either ask them or do it via the dog warden if you're worried about their reaction. Seeing the GSD unable to reach you will help settle your DS's fear trigger.

Secondly, you need to find people with proven calm and friendly dogs and expose your son in a controlled fashion (dog in crate initially, then on lead etc).

Thirdly, teach him to recognise canine body language (something all children should be taught).

Fourthly teach him strategies of how to manage encounters with unfriendly dogs or ones that just unnerved him.

Depending on your DS's level of fear, you may need professional help with this, but you can start with the plenty of books available; just make sure you're reading authors accredited to a professional body.

Good luck.

Looking at this from a GSD owner's side....is the dog actually aggressive, or just barking at people going past. Mine barks like a hellhound when people arrive at the door etc. but is so lovely when it's people she knows.
Could you speak to your neighbour and ask about the dog? If you get to know the dog and make friends with it, that might alleviate your fear, and you could pass that on to your child.

There's another GSD near my parents, and he's behind a railing but barks and runs at people going past. My mam has permission to give him little treats, and he runs up to her, stands on his back legs for belly rubs and attention. Maybe you could end up with this kind of relationship.

@Resilience

Although the GSD is the trigger, I think you need to separate the two issues.

Your neighbour needs to improve their security if the dog is able to put top paws on the fence/wall and see you - that means he could likely scale it if highly motivated enough (unlikely as the barking is almost certainly a deterrent to come closer, or possibly even a misconstrued hello, but without knowing why take chances). Depending on your relationship with your neighbours either ask them or do it via the dog warden if you're worried about their reaction. Seeing the GSD unable to reach you will help settle your DS's fear trigger.

Secondly, you need to find people with proven calm and friendly dogs and expose your son in a controlled fashion (dog in crate initially, then on lead etc).

Thirdly, teach him to recognise canine body language (something all children should be taught).

Fourthly teach him strategies of how to manage encounters with unfriendly dogs or ones that just unnerved him.

Depending on your DS's level of fear, you may need professional help with this, but you can start with the plenty of books available; just make sure you're reading authors accredited to a professional body.

Good luck.

Agree.

Also model the behaviour yourself, so remain calm and reassuring as much as possible.

Tbh I'd also look up YouTube videos, I'm sure they'll have stuff on this. And if not yt would be a useful resource for showing a) Why dogs react like that (scared themselves perhaps) and b) how gentle and loving dogs can be.

Good luck

The dog warden isn't going to make them put in a difference fence. The dog has never gotten out. And even if it had people have fairly unrealistic expectations that anything can be done unless the dog has actually harmed someone. A dog barking from its own garden isn't going to warrant action.

I would try a different tack. I'd approach the owners and if they are in anyway friendly I'd ask if it's ok to lob a dog treat over with your son. The dog will start to associate you with a treat and stop seeing you as a threat. It will make the whole thing positive for your son. He may need to watch you do it from the safety of the other side of the road until he's comfortable enough to do it.

When in high anxiety your thoughts aren't rational as more focused on escaping the situation. So any learning about dogs & their behaviour and what to do etc would be better achieved when there isn't an actual dog present initially.

Then perhaps when comfortable viewing dogs online/TV, see a real dog on lead at whatever feels a safe distance away, which could be far at first and as feel ok bring closer. I think interaction with the dog shouldn't be the goal until relaxed with them just in the vicinity.

There are Pets as Therapy dogs or those that volunteer as reading dogs in schools which would be good for when he feels ready to meet, you need a dog that will stay calm and avoid an enthusiastic greeting which will feel less controlled.

Anxiety is so difficult, I think you need a therapist that has understanding of ADHD/ASD as some of CBT things I was suggested like riding out the panic/adrenaline by staying put, wouldn't be that helpful and have increased need to feel in control of changes.

@SeniorSchoolShuffle

The dog warden isn't going to make them put in a difference fence. The dog has never gotten out. And even if it had people have fairly unrealistic expectations that anything can be done unless the dog has actually harmed someone. A dog barking from its own garden isn't going to warrant action.

I would try a different tack. I'd approach the owners and if they are in anyway friendly I'd ask if it's ok to lob a dog treat over with your son. The dog will start to associate you with a treat and stop seeing you as a threat. It will make the whole thing positive for your son. He may need to watch you do it from the safety of the other side of the road until he's comfortable enough to do it.

Agree with this, the dog warden isn’t going to do anything and if you TRY and send the dog warden round you’ll absolutely ruin your relationship with the neighbours when you’d ideally have them on side.

Can you try to explain to your son that barking is the only real way dogs can communicate, and it might sound every if you’re not used to it? Maybe listen to other animals noises and discuss?

Similar to a PP i have a collie who sounds like a hellhound when she barks - but it’s just the way her voicebox is, she doesn’t make any other vocalisations and she’s usually wagging her tail as she barks! I understand that someone who doesn’t know her doesn’t know which end to believe, but just to put a different perspective on jt.

Dogs bark. You have to just get used to that. Support/therapy for your son is what you need, it isn’t really your neighbours problem that your son is so anxious.

I also think you need to model REALLY positive behaviour around dogs. It’s not your fault but shoving him behind you will mean he thinks YOU think they’re scary and you’re the person he trusts most.

Do you have tiktok? Lots of cute/funny dog videos on there as low key exposure therapy.

@magicstar1 I'm not sure - the way it leaped up on the wall felt aggressive to me, like it was warning us off, but I guess I can't be certain.
Thanks for all the suggestions - You tube is a good idea to start as he's too scared around real dogs, I didn't think of that and then very low key exposure and I'm going to try find a therapist If possible.