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Child mental health

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Original poster

My niece - is she a narcissist?

14 replies

Continuewithfacebook · 02/10/2021 07:38

NC for this
My niece is 14 years old. I have lived abroad since she was 5, so I only see her once a year. Obviously I have not seen her these past 2 years.
I was talking to my dsis (her mum), and she has said that she feels she's got lots of traits that she's googled, and it sounds like she's a narcissist. This is because:
She has constant arguments with friends. She falls out with people all the time.
She spoils other people's events because she's not the centre of attention
All is great as long as things are going her way, but the minute they're not, she can hurt people and never understands she's done anything wrong
Needs to be the popular girl at all costs
Dsis has been divorced for a very long time, amicable, but niece still tries to play them against each other.

I don't have teenagers so it is hard for me to understand if this is normal teenage behaviour, but it's crossed my mind that she might be neurodiverse even though her behaviours are narcissistic.

I'd appreciate some useful reading/resources for me, but also something I can potentially give to my sister. Also, any thoughts on this would be really appreciated.

OP posts:

Washeduponthebeach · 02/10/2021 07:41

Labelling a 14 year old like that sounds pretty damaging. Is your sister talking to her about her behaviour and trying to have a discussion about it? Looking for labels will not help.

MultiStorey · 02/10/2021 07:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgnesNaismith · 02/10/2021 07:46

No. She is a child.

HTH

ApolloandDaphne · 02/10/2021 07:47

Lots of teens are self absorbed and stroppy. I don't think it helps to try and label her when she is still young and her brain is still developing.

Original poster

Continuewithfacebook · 02/10/2021 09:39

Thank you, this is helpful. This are not new behaviours, so not just the fact that she's a teen. But my intuition tells me that it might be that she's struggling with something, self-esteem maybe, and that's why she's constantly wanting to be the 'winner'?

OP posts:

Thecurtainsofdestiny · 02/10/2021 09:42

Not. She is 14.

CanICelebrate · 02/10/2021 09:46

Children can be very self absorbed and can behave in ways that we would never dream of as adults!
I have taught teenagers for years and I have met loads that are selfish, rude and fairly horrid at 13/14 and lovely again by the time they are 17/18!
I think labelling her or looking at her behaviour against the criteria for NPD is unhelpful.

If DSis is concerned about her she should take her to her gp or speak to school.

Snowdropsandbluebells · 02/10/2021 09:48

I think that's a very strong term for a teen girl.
She does display behaviours that need to be addressed though certainly.

CarrotSticks23 · 02/10/2021 09:52

She sounds like a 14 year old girl. Not all 14 year old girls will behave like this but many do and they aren't narcissists, she's more like insecure and unhappy. And not surprising really considering her mum thinks she's a narcissist

Original poster

Continuewithfacebook · 02/10/2021 16:36

I really value everyone's advice and opinions. I'm recovering from surgery, so not at my best at the moment, but I am worried about it. It's not so much that my Dsis thinks that my niece is a narcissist, it's that she's googled her behaviours and that's what she keeps finding time and time again. Niece is the youngest of 4 so it's not like my Dsis is inexperienced in the teenage years.

OP posts:

nocoolnamesleft · 02/10/2021 16:39

I think your niece's biggest problem is that her own mother has decided that she is a narcissist. I cannot imagine how damaging it must be to have that colouring her mother's behaviour towards her. Poor kid.

SandAndSea · 02/10/2021 16:58

There's a narcissist in my family (now a mature adult) who had certain noticeable behaviours from a young child. (Not just lots of tantrums and naughtiness but devious and destructive in ways which were commented on.) I've often wondered about this and how much happier she would have been had this been spotted earlier. I think we should be able to discuss this. I doubt that narcissists appear suddenly as adults.

BananaRama990 · 04/10/2021 21:26

You can't be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (or any other personality disorders) until at least age 18. So no. Be very careful not to make comments like this around her as it could be very damaging.

Ezy · 21/11/2022 12:31

Hi- i don’t think your being harsh calling out a teen displaying narcissistic traits I’ve seen it in others too and narcissism does develop from childhood, so all these judgemental people saying to not label well quite frankly they either don’t live in the real world or that they have been raised with the Brady bunch. If people grew up in narcy households they know what’s what so if u know and done the research best bet is to get help coz the narc in her and in others is cunning and confusing and will make out as if your the crazy one. It’s very tough to manage but there is help and thanks for sharing your experience.

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