Child not eating due to anxiety

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DS (11) suffers from terrible anxiety which spikes from time to time and can be debilitating. He manages to attend school after much persuation but goes off food for days. Today he had 2 spoons of cereal, at school for lunch he ate half a sandwich and gave his pudding to his friend. For dinner we got a takeout because DS likes it and I was hoping he would eat. But he managed a couple of fries before saying he cannot eat any more. He just can't eat properly because of the anxiety. What can I do to help him eat? He is underweight as it is. I'm so worried.

Hi,
This must be hard for you as well as him
Do you know if he is feeling sick/ being sick due to the anxiety or is it just his appetite that's affected? This might be different for him, but personally if I try to eat much when feeling nauseous from anxiety I will usually throw the lot up (plus earlier meals!) which I'm guessing wouldn't be great for his weight. If this is the case, would he try some crackers/ oatcakes? Just dry nibbles. Ginger tea really helps me to stomach food (slice of fresh root ginger or squeeze of pureed ginger from a tube in hot water) when I'm feeling bad, and if he likes ginger then crystalized ginger is very good to suck, especially when you have that can't-eat-but-need-blood-sugar problem as it's very sweet. Very personal I expect but I find those little bags of mini cheddars good for this as well - they're so small and non-threatening and I can eat one and then come back for more in a bit.

If he's not feeling or being sick, it might be more of a case that he just has to decide he needs to eat. Obviously the problem with this is that he's only eleven and forcing him would make it worse. For me when my appetite is bad, I have a rule that I eat when I wake up, lunch at 12.30, small snack with my meds at 4, dinner at 6.30 and try to eat something at each sitting even if I can't face a full dinner. But that will be difficult to do with a DC unless he decides for himself. Is he under CAMHS? Is there any chance you could get him some professional help directed towards helping him understand that sometimes he just has to make himself eat? (horrible as that sounds!) I know it's difficult if you're on the NHS.

Other thoughts: is he on any medication? Could that be affecting his appetite? If so worth considering with a GP etc whether the timing of it could be changed. Will he drink smoothies or milkshakes? If I'm struggling with appetite a milkshake with fruit and yoghurt and peanut butter or tahini (if I'm feeling brave!) sometimes goes down easier. I know it's not ideal but it's some calories and nutrients at least. Or boiled sweets that he can suck slowly if he's really struggling with blood sugar - as I'm sure you know blood sugar dips can make anxiety much worse which then affects appetite in a vicious cycle, hence having to make yourself eat at regular intervals.

Sending big hugs to him and you!

@RosaDiazRocks thank you, lots of helpful suggestions there. I will try snacks like mini cheddars etc, I expect they might be easier for him to eat than a plate of food placed infront of him. He says he feels sick and has a carrier bag next to him when he is feeling this way. Though he has only ever been physically sick once. He also complains of tummy ache. I'm not sure if that's related to his anxiety or seperate to that (fussy eater even on a good day and does get constipated easily).

A friend suggested smoothies and milkshakes too, so I will definitely try that tomorrow. DS was just saying he finds liquids easier to take at the moment.

Yes DS is unde4 camhs at the moment, he has been referred for more counselling for his anxiety so we are awaiting that. And he is also currently being assessed for ASD. His school has been most unhelpful and unsupportive in all of this!

You're welcome, hope some of it helps. And yeah small snacks are easier to face than a proper hot meal sometimes - obviously not a permanent solution bc it's not very nutritionally balanced, but it seems like anything would be better than nothing at this point! And you can get a surprising amount into a smoothie.
School not being helpful is so frustrating, but I hope the counselling helps

Anxiety in children can be so hard to deal with. My teenager really struggled post Covid. She could not go to school and in the end dropped out completely half way through A levels and is now working. It's been a crazy ride.. I think being patient is the most important thing and not blaming yourself either (harder not to do than you'd think). I work in mental health professionally and know all sorts of tricks and brain hack to support my clients but would my daughter let me help her??? NO!!! Sometimes as a parent you are not the one to talk it out or do anything other than just be there for them and get someone else to do the support professionally.
I know of a really good book that can help with primary school age children if they are struggling with anxiety.

www.amazon.co.uk/Anxiety-relief-Children-Childrens-understand/dp/B09XZVKPWF/ref=sr_1_13?crid=2OUILWB7XDVFA&keywords=anxiety+relief+for+children&sprefix=anxiety+relief+for+children%2Caps%2C73&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1650209753&sr=8-13