Return to school HELP

[Potter10]

My son is 5 and under the Welsh guidelines he's to return to school on Tuesday.
He is my third of four children and will be the only one to be returning to school until the older two return in mid march.
He struggled when they went back in September. I had daily battles in the morning with him point blank refusing to get dressed some days. He became very emotional, started biting his nails down until they bled and lots of other little anxious.
I talked to him about going back to school when it was announced a few weeks back which immediately set him of in tears (despite me trying to make it sound like I big deal and an exciting thing). I didn't want to push it so didn't mention it again.
I've spoken with the headmaster to see if it's compulsory that he returns now rather then waiting for his siblings which might make it easier for him but was basically told he has to accept it and go back to school and I should t pander to him.
Anyway, as we are now only days away I've talked to him about how exciting it's going to be to see his friends again and trying to keep it all upbeat without bringing it up to much he has become so emotional. He cried last night while I was reading stick man because he felt sad. He is having several crying outbursts a day and running off in a strop over the smallest of things (his younger brother didn't say please when asking for cereal was yesterday's first one)
He's not like this, this isn't my little boy normally. He's honestly the easiest child. I can count on one hand the tantrums he's had previously (a polar opposite of my daughter!)
How do I help him with this return to school? His dad (my DH) is no help, I just get a shrug and "don't send him in". How on earth do I support him?

It’s so tough, poor guy and you.

I think I would really try to find out what’s causing these school related anxieties as until you know what his problem with going is it’s hard to think of a plan to combat these issues.

I think it's a separation anxiety. Before starting school he was with me nearly all of the time. We went to playgroups and met with friends regularly but he wasn't ever in playschool.or nursery.
Now with being at home constantly, him and his 7 year old brother have a very close relationship, it's like taking him totally out of what he's used to and expecting him to get on with it.

I suspect I will be in a similar position when schools go back in England, only my youngest (YR) will be going from the looks of things and I don’t think he will be happy at all. He is a home body and likes to be at home anyway.
It’s a shame the HT wasn’t a bit more supportive or reassuring at least. I’ve been thinking about what I will do with DS and so far my only plan is to give him lots of attention, special breakfast before he goes, lots of attention when he gets home. I’m hoping once he gets in he has so much fun he will be happy to be there, but when they are little that doesn’t always mean they will remember this when they get home and want to go back again!

Hi op. My ds is older (8) but this exact thing happened when schools reopened here after the last lock down. Initially i felt sorry for her and kept her home for the odd day, always on the promise she'd go in the next day. It got to the point where over 3 weeks she'd been in about 5 times and i knew I'd have to change my approach. I spoke to the head teacher and she was sympathetic but said she thought we'd need to be a bit sterner about it. The next day i had to physically dress her myself, ignore the crying and basically force her up the road. My promise to her was that if we got there and she couldn't go in we'd deal with that then. Once there she wouldn't go in. I had to ring to get the head teacher to come out and we had to force her in between us. Once in we had to force her into her class and since that day she has been fine. She just needed to see that it would be ok. And it was. I was in a terrible state myself crying in the school, outside the school etc etc but it was the best thing I'd done because i knew there was nothing "wrong" with her, i knew if i kept pandering to it, it would not help her in the long run.

Reading that i can see how some might think it sounds brutal. I struggle with my own mental health so I'm painfully aware of anxiety and panic attacks and to treat them seriously, which i did, but it had got the point where the school authorities were going to have to get involved and i wanted to try one more push to avoid her having to go through that whole process.

I should add, on leaving her at the school both the head teacher and i promised her if at any point she wanted to come home the school would call and I'd collect her immediately. The school rang me every hour or so to give me updates and thankfully there was nothing to update on, she didn't want to come home