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Help son says he needs phone all night to manage distress. I don't know what to do

3 replies

freckles20 · 12/02/2021 07:49

My 14yo DS has within the last month told me he feels low, sad and unmotivated. I had no idea he was struggling prior to this. The night he told me I found him trying to self harm.

He's been given access to a school counsellor. He's had 3 sessions and has 3 left.

After the first session I had a call to say that they needed to share with me that he has had suicidal thoughts. This was the most terrifying news.

They've not shared anything else, due to confidentiality.

He's also spoken to a friend of mine who is an children's consultant in a different county. She has of course kept his confidence, but she has said she doesn't feel he is in danger.

I know that the school counsellor has helped him put a safety plan in place for if he feels very low. This includes calling or messaging friends, or contacting helplines.

Because of this I decided he should have access to his mobile phone over night. But he's on it all night, often until 3am or later. I pop in to check on him, being as kind and understanding as I can. He won't talk to me about anything at all that is bothering him, or tell me anything other than he is struggling.

It's so hard to know what to do. I feel this lack of sleep must be exacerbating his low mood.

Can anyone help please?

OP posts:
Boopear · 12/02/2021 07:55

I'm dreadful with help on the mental health side (sorry. It sounds really hard. I hope someone else will be along soon who can be of more help) However, on a purely practical level, you could investigate cutting data at night - a lot of phone contracts allow mobile data to be stopped at certain times and you can turn off the WiFi router. This would allow him to have the phone to ring for support if needed but not spend all night browsing. Would that possibly help?

freckles20 · 12/02/2021 08:16

@Boopear thank you. It's a clever idea thank you. Some of the helplines are text and web based so it could be complicated. Also I'm not sure why but it feels like I need to have an agreement with him rather than instigating controls - I'm keen to keep communication open. Maybe that's part of my problem, maybe I'm too soft. Xx

OP posts:
Noregrets78 · 12/02/2021 13:05

Totally better if it's all through agreement- maybe plug it in just outside his room? That way by default he's not on it, but he can access it easily if he needs to?
It's so hard - these teens can often see the logic of why they shouldn't be on their phones at night, but then they're so addictive

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