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Child mental health

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Original poster

Inattentive ADHD

22 replies

wingman · 11/02/2021 21:13

So my 16 year old daughter has an assessment today with psychiatrist. Said certainly has inattentive ADHD but as report from school said all ok she can't diagnose!
She hasn't been at school for more than 3 months. Teacher that did questionnaires sees her for social care class once a week!

She's struggling so much but is very bright and pulls low A/Bs at school with continual support from us. We sit beside her like coaches. I've taught myself most of her subjects so I can tutor her. One hour homework assignment will take at least 4/5hours of on/off work including tantrums and distractions. I physically can't go on like this. She can't start any work. Gets super stressed. Procrastination to the extreme. She's never slept well from baby hood as her mind is so cluttered.

So because we have basically held her up and not allowed her to fail they say all is ok?
She has no notes /forgets /breaks everything.

The school is low performing state school with many troubled children. No streaming for anything but maths. She doesn't shout out or disrupt class. She had just fallen under the radar.

Has anyone had experience of this. Lockdown makes it harder. I feel the school will think I'm just looking her labelled but that's so far from the truth. I just want her to be able to concentrate and learn more easily without the stress

OP posts:

Noregrets78 · 12/02/2021 13:12

Oh gosh so familiar! When our kids are high performing the perception seems to be that nothing is wrong. But sometimes there's mad scrambling to get to that (or parents seriously propping up from behind).
I think you're right to push - is there someone who has had more contact with your DD who can fill in the assessment? There are ways of helping with ADHD but it needs diagnosis first.

Original poster

wingman · 12/02/2021 14:17

@Noregrets78 yes I've emailed the teacher who filled out the questionnaire saying thank you she's been flagged as strongly suggestive of inattentive ADHD and they would like questionnaires filled in by teachers who know her better!
Hard though as no behaviour issues and pulled up grades this year with my mum tutoring service.
This will again be a problem as she's been in school so little this last year , they really only gave grades to go on. They won't even know her. So many many disrupted kids in her class too so I know they will be like 'wtf'
I know teacher i contacted thought I was off my rocker.

1st lockdown she barely handed anything in but I sat with her for days before end of term to complete all assignments as I knew it was unlikely any exams would take place.
Teachers have commented to her how hard she had been working which is great they are basically complimenting the family teamwork to get her to this point! An hours work would take most of a day.

I'm on my knees with it all. My heart drops when I hear or another assignment or test. Last year I might have just let her deal with the aftermath but this year every single hand in /class test counts. Do I let her fail her GCSEs to get her diagnosed because she's on course for high (ish ) grades but if I stop now she will fail every single test and won't do assignments.

Now being home schooled I can manage things even more closely as all assignments get posted with hand in dates so I'm ensuring it's all done (it's her own work - I don't even proof read for mistakes) but it's the coaching that's involved is so so time consuming and stressful as I work full time and 2 other younger kids that do all their work and hand ins alone!

Basically providing this intense support system means she won't get the help she needs for A Levels and I'm not sure I'd have the time to tutor her at that level anyway!
So I've actually done her a disservice by masking the problems

OP posts:

Bookmarket · 11/03/2021 15:21

I feel for you OP. I have a similar Year 10 Dd. This is probably the reason so many girls are undiagnosed. How did you get to the point of seeing a psychiatrist? Is that a private appt.?
Assessment criteria does not work for bright inattentive girls who come from supportive homes. Does the school have a Senco who might understand adhd better? Have you ever flagged anything with the school they might have on record? Overwhelm, anxiety, apology for her not finishing homework?

Where is she due to go to 6th form?

smileybridge · 29/03/2021 21:06

So pleased to have found this post....have only recently heard about inattentive ADHD and as soon as I read about it I felt I may at last have figured out what is causing my sons struggles.
I’m also interested in how you go about getting help/diagnosis. What are the main things that can help children with this type of ADHD?

namechangeforthisjjjjjj · 31/03/2021 17:25

This is my daughter.

Age 15 diagnosed with ADHD. Got fast diagnosis from private psychiatrist as told it would take too long via CAMHS given GCSEs so close.

School said impossible anything wrong as high achieving. We knew she had "foggy brain" and "felt different to all the other girls".

Eventually she saw their senco after much persistence - who was brilliant and said 99% certain ADHD and referred us to psychiatrist.

Not sure why your psychiatrist is saying that she can't diagnose - presume that's her job?

Process for us

First visit - lots of listening - questionaires for teenager, parents and ideally 3+ teachers
Second visit - having analysed - and YES. Plus did pay extra for strange machine which confirmed. Interestingly not all teachers questionaires provided evidence. It is more than what the teachers say, it is a rounded diagnosis. And yes girls especially under diagnosed.

Put on Elvanse. Worked immediately. Clear brain for certain number of hours. Leapt ahead in Maths and Physics again. Got top grades in all GCSEs. And had added benefits of being given 25% time (slow processor) and printed on blue paper and being in quiet room.

Still though needs our help - A level - with not getting overwhelmed, not procrastinating, etc. Haven't found anything to help with "Executive Function" and wish we could .

namechangeforthisjjjjjj · 31/03/2021 17:26

ps She did have regular sessions at school with SENCO after diagnosed - weekly coaching for a few weeks, several times which did help - and Teachers given instructions on what she needed to support her

namechangeforthisjjjjjj · 31/03/2021 17:28

Melatonin for sleep helps a little but not enough... yoga and weighted blanked and hot baths all helped at different times Sleep issue ongoing sadly for most ADHD girls like this

vdbfamily · 31/03/2021 17:39

I have DD18 awaiting assessment and about to fail A levels. Lockdown has been a disaster as one teacher was just sending work and no online lessons. We both work full-time so could not help her although when I thought b- tecs were going ahead I came home every day and revised with her for weeks.....I feel your pain.... constantly trying to get her to focus and managing a few minutes at a time. She was considered gifted and talented at primary level as had an amazingly imaginative brain and answered all the questions. Got slowly worse at secondary but teachers just said she was annoying, inattentive( oh the irony) daydreaming, disruptive, talkative. She was predicted to fail most subjects and actually passed them all as seems to function under pressure. There more I read about ADD, the more convinced I am that I am also affected and undiagnosed and that is why I never organised myself to a point of insisting she was assessed. I emailed school a couple of times with concerns that were never addressed and here we are now. Ironically she has changed her phone this week and in the process somehow lost the form she had been sent to kick off the process so we are stuck again until one of us remembers to chase it up! Good luck OP. It is so difficult for the child and parent.

namechangeforthisjjjjjj · 31/03/2021 19:04

vdb good luck and feel for you.... and it is NOT a disaster if she does fail A levels. Mine did last year - too much illness and procrastination, and had always done better under pressure in exams. Like yours, excelled in GCSEs

And this year she is doing them again - hasn't been easy but so far she is on track for As and A*s - and it has given her time to reflect and understand herself better. Not as much as I would hope but going to Uni this year would have been a total disaster for her.

So don't forget that she is funded until she is 19 - there is the capacity for three years of A level funding. (Or something different - mates of DD have been doing a Foundation Arts year fully funded before heading off to Uni or elsewhere)

FunnyWonder · 31/03/2021 22:17

All of this is so familiar to me. DS(12) is in the process of being assessed for inattentive ADHD. All through lockdown we have chased him from virtual class to virtual class. We are, effectively, his tutors. All his teachers praised him at the Parent Teacher zoom meetings for turning in his work and keeping on top of things. Again, all done with us micromanaging him and learning his subjects with him, in the hope that he won't fall behind. All very, very stressful, especially as DP has ADHD and I'm as good as certain that I do too!

We were lucky in that the diagnostic process started before the first lockdown, so the forms were filled in by his P7 primary school teacher who knew how he was in class. He hasn't been at his new school long enough for them to know him. As far as they're concerned, he's quiet and well mannered. They have little experience of the daydreaming, the fidgeting, how many things he forgets/loses, the total inability to be on the same page as the rest of his class etc. The consultant who is assessing him told me I shouldn't organise him, but should just let him forget stuff, get into trouble for missing homework and so on. Let him face the consequences and learn self management. But I can't bring myself to let him drown.

I feel your pain, OP. Sorry I have no answers. Lockdown learning has been hellish for us. And don't get me started on the inability to shut down his brain at night ... !

vdbfamily · 31/03/2021 22:18

"04namechangeforthisjjjjjj"
Thanks for that. She has just said that for Sociology they will set them work now to grade and after Easter break they will give her some one to one support so all may not be lost and I know she will find something she loves and excel at it but the school years have been very trying for us all!

vdbfamily · 31/03/2021 22:19

Sorry... have not worked out the bold thing yet! Googled it and tried quotations🤔

coodawoodashooda · 31/03/2021 22:23

I highly recommend homeopathy

NoraVayom · 06/04/2021 06:01

Following this closely as my 17 year old DD has likely got inattentive ADHD. She dropped out of Year 11 due to anxiety (she had perfectionistic tendencies and used to work extremely hard - now we know why)
I just saw this webinar and it really resonated

FunnyWonder · 06/04/2021 08:47

@NoraVayom

Thank you for posting that link. My DS is being assessed for inattentive ADHD, but that video describes my own adolescence to the point where I feel quite tearful. I haven't watched it all yet (ADD) but it's absolutely fascinating.

notanothersaveusername · 06/04/2021 08:50

Is she medicated? May be worth trying, as it must be dreadful for her trying to cope with this. DS also adhd. He refused meds but has coping mechanisms and doesn't sound as severe as your DD

RoadTripsOceanDips · 23/04/2021 21:33

This all sounds so much like my DD who is only just 9. However because she is high achieving and masks in school, school don’t believe there’s an issue.

HerRoyalNotness · 23/04/2021 22:00

Our school was the same for my D.C. and diagnosed them with high anxiety. Their new neurologist used the QB Test that diagnosed them with inattention type at the first appointment. We’ve been using Brillia (part homeopathic) which has helped and would have been suggested by the neurologist as a first pass anyway. It’s over the counter and originated in Europe. I’m finding it’s not enough now and as they have abnormal brain activity we’ll be looking at adhd prescription meds for them

Squeekybummum · 25/04/2021 06:51

Same here, my son has been on adhd pathway for 2 years. School see small issues but because he is quiet and masks in school things aren't moving forward. We are having a terrible time at the minute, he isn't sleeping and his anxiety is through the roof. But as the school don't see these issues nothing is getting done. It's like sometimes they don't believe us.
Anyway we have been in contact with some outside agencies to try and get some support.
He is going into year 7 in Sept. I very much doubt we will get a diagnosis once he goes into high school.

RosesAndHellebores · 02/05/2021 12:27

It is a grave concern that there is so.much involvement at the school level in confirming diagnoses. School staff are not clinicians and the health of everyone should be dealt with confidentially by the NHS. If a girl had issues with menstruation the school would not be involved but in relation to clinical mental health issues the approach changes. It is wrong on so many levels.

Our dd was diagnosed by a private psychiatrist, we got nowhere with CAMHS who wanted only to look at potential social issues and parent blame. I suppose that avoids them taking any clinical responsibility to put things right. I recall dd's CAMHS nurse laughing when I told her of the diagnosis because at 17 dd was too old for it. To counter that, the only route was to raise a formal complaint. It is absurd and is a system designed to provide the bare minimum.

ittakes2 · 28/09/2021 21:13

Very helpful post thank you.

abjwu38cvdh · 25/10/2021 14:50

@namechangeforthisjjjjjj