Suspect 15 year old DS had OCD.

[freckles83]

Hello - I am looking for some advice. My 15 year old son is displaying OCD behaviours, I recognise the signs as I suffer from it myself. I've noticed some things that he does that are concerning me as I know from experience how out of control OCD can become and I want to talk to him about it but I know that he will just close up and tell me that everything is fine. Some examples of what I've noticed include straightening things on side boards, he always looks at the clock to check the time before he starts to eat his dinner, I walked into his bedroom earlier and as he had his headphones in, he didn't know I was there and he was walking from his bed to the wall, touching each twice. This is a similar OCD that I developed as a child.

He is a happy and level headed kid with a good group of friends. He has had some changes in his life recently with his dad moving away and I have had a recent relapse of depression and anxiety, which isn't always easy to hide from him as he is home all the time at the moment due to Covid. He has also just completed his mock exams which he worked really hard for but he put a lot of pressure on himself as there is a possibility that his exams in the summer may be cancelled and his mock results could be significant to his final grades.

Has anyone else experienced similar with their child and do you have any tips on how I can approach it that may encourage him to open up?

Does he know about your diagnosis?

You could say something about when you were his age you did these things and thought these things and you have noticed he's doing similar things and wonder if he's thinking similar things? That you don't want him to have the same struggles as you had and that he doesn't need to put up with it.

There are a few good forums and an OCD charity that you could frame the conversation round.

Our DD17 has OCD, it was pretty bad before I realised. She's on sertraline and has started with a psychologist. Psychiatrist said that because young people's brains are so adaptable they can recover fro OCD. Talking therapy on it's own has a cure rate (not improvement, but, cure) of 65%, sertraline on it's own has the same - but combine them and the cure rate is 95%.

DD is getting better, but it is slow. And her intrusive thoughts scare me. But, I have hope that she will not have to tolerate them for her whole life, it seems that things have changed since we were teenagers!

Good luck.

My 14yo (well, in 2 weeks!) has OCD, primarily intrusive thoughts which are really disturbing. I am in the referral process for talking therapy but it's really interesting what you say about sertraline. I only said to DH last night that I feel like she needs some medication to just settle her brain a little so she can be more receptive to talking therapy but I wasn't sure they would consider medication for young people.

Did you use a private psychiatrist or NHS?

We went private, principle. She was referred, and chased, by the GP as an urgent, and we waited a year - during which time she got much worse.

I'm not critical of CAMHS, they are chronically underfunded and our daughter has two loving parents and a stable home, so she's unwell and needs seeing but is safer than a lot of kids on their list, CAMHS have impossible choices to make. She did get psychologist under CAMHS now, 18 months after urgent referral, who is excellent and sees her face to face even with the pandemic.

After an A+E trip I decided that we couldn't wait any longer and I really do wish I'd done it earlier. She masks brilliantly, I had no idea that things were so very hard for her and if I'd known half of what I know now then I'd not have obediently waited on the NHS.

It's expensive, but, once she is stable on the meds the psychiatrist will hand the care to the GP. It was the GP who obliquely suggested going private. Used the money I'd normally use on a holiday, not as if we're going anywhere, is it?

GPs can't prescribe to under 16 s because of the initial increase in suicidal ideation. We have 2-3 weeks of hairy symptoms when they increase her meds, and then it settles down. She is honestly much better on the sertraline - still up and down and still not well, but, I am hopeful and I can see she is too. Which is nice, just really nice.

Actually, what you said about the meds is exactly what the psych said to me. My googling had suggested CBT and I asked why she'd gone straight to meds. Pscyh said that our daughter's distress was such that she wouldn't be able to use CBT effectively because she wasn't able to actually access her emotions. Once the sertraline calms the symptoms then she'd be able to reflect and articulate how she was actually feeling.

That is exactly how it has panned out since she started on the meds in September. Of course, that means she is also now sharing stuff with me that makes me scared, but, she has always had these thoughts and has just never been able to voice them - so, it's hard to hear, but it is progress.

@vivariumvivariumsvivaria

Does he know about your diagnosis?

You could say something about when you were his age you did these things and thought these things and you have noticed he's doing similar things and wonder if he's thinking similar things? That you don't want him to have the same struggles as you had and that he doesn't need to put up with it.

There are a few good forums and an OCD charity that you could frame the conversation round.

Our DD17 has OCD, it was pretty bad before I realised. She's on sertraline and has started with a psychologist. Psychiatrist said that because young people's brains are so adaptable they can recover fro OCD. Talking therapy on it's own has a cure rate (not improvement, but, cure) of 65%, sertraline on it's own has the same - but combine them and the cure rate is 95%.

DD is getting better, but it is slow. And her intrusive thoughts scare me. But, I have hope that she will not have to tolerate them for her whole life, it seems that things have changed since we were teenagers!

Good luck.

Thanks for you reply and I'm sorry that your DD is suffering.

He's never really known about my anxiety/OCD issues as they tend to 'flare up' every few months when I'm stressed out and most of the time I have things under control. He does know that I've been suffering with anxiety the past few months as he's old enough to realise that something is wrong and due to Covid, we're both always at home so there's no hiding it.

We went for a walk the other day and i brought the subject up, told him that I noticed some OCD behaviours and asked if there was anything troubling him. As suspected, he said that they're just things that he does and has done for a long time. I asked him if there was any particular reason that he does it and he said it's just habit. I told him that I also have some OCD tendencies and that sometimes it can become out of control, especially in times of stress. I didn't push any further but I reminded him that he doesn't need to do these things and can talk to me any time.

I will have a look at the OCD forums and keep an eye on things. I know if I push it too much he will get quite defensive and close up.

Sounds like excellent parenting to me, Freckles.

My DD told me she was 10 when she realised it wasn't normal to hear voices. That's when her anxiety started. Prior to that she assumed everyone had horrible thoughts.

Your DS knows he's not alone. That is very important, good for you.

@freckles83 you said your son mentioned he just does them. My son said that to me that it makes him feel better. His is fidgetting fingers in patterns worse when very stressed. Go referred to cahms but I was told this would be @ a children's centre not cahms. I don't want cahms involved and has settled from severe following alot of stress. Do you think it can't be left then? I thought if the patterns make him feel better "said it helps him make sense of the world" I could let him be him and leave it. Is that wrong of me should I accept cahms? Does it sound OCD?

@vivariumvivariumsvivaria

We went private, principle. She was referred, and chased, by the GP as an urgent, and we waited a year - during which time she got much worse.

I'm not critical of CAMHS, they are chronically underfunded and our daughter has two loving parents and a stable home, so she's unwell and needs seeing but is safer than a lot of kids on their list, CAMHS have impossible choices to make. She did get psychologist under CAMHS now, 18 months after urgent referral, who is excellent and sees her face to face even with the pandemic.

After an A+E trip I decided that we couldn't wait any longer and I really do wish I'd done it earlier. She masks brilliantly, I had no idea that things were so very hard for her and if I'd known half of what I know now then I'd not have obediently waited on the NHS.

It's expensive, but, once she is stable on the meds the psychiatrist will hand the care to the GP. It was the GP who obliquely suggested going private. Used the money I'd normally use on a holiday, not as if we're going anywhere, is it?

GPs can't prescribe to under 16 s because of the initial increase in suicidal ideation. We have 2-3 weeks of hairy symptoms when they increase her meds, and then it settles down. She is honestly much better on the sertraline - still up and down and still not well, but, I am hopeful and I can see she is too. Which is nice, just really nice.

Where did you find your private psychiatrist, if you don't mind me asking?

[quote Bambi1222]@freckles83 you said your son mentioned he just does them. My son said that to me that it makes him feel better. His is fidgetting fingers in patterns worse when very stressed. Go referred to cahms but I was told this would be @ a children's centre not cahms. I don't want cahms involved and has settled from severe following alot of stress. Do you think it can't be left then? I thought if the patterns make him feel better "said it helps him make sense of the world" I could let him be him and leave it. Is that wrong of me should I accept cahms? Does it sound OCD?[/quote]
As it doesn't seem to be causing my DS any distress and he seems happy in himself, I think it's best to let things be for now. He's been through a stressful period with his exams and his dad moving away so this may have fuelled it a little. I will keep an eye on things and speak to him again if I need to.

[quote Bambi1222]@freckles83 you said your son mentioned he just does them. My son said that to me that it makes him feel better. His is fidgetting fingers in patterns worse when very stressed. Go referred to cahms but I was told this would be @ a children's centre not cahms. I don't want cahms involved and has settled from severe following alot of stress. Do you think it can't be left then? I thought if the patterns make him feel better "said it helps him make sense of the world" I could let him be him and leave it. Is that wrong of me should I accept cahms? Does it sound OCD?[/quote]
It's difficult to tell whether it is OCD or a safety behaviour in response to stress or anxiety. I am going to leave things for now and be vigilant for any signs that suggest things could be getting out of control. It sounds like your DS knows that he can talk to you if he feels he needs to.

erm, google, principle

Turns out the psychiatrist is also the consultant at CAMHS. I suspect a lot of them do a few shifts.

I had no idea where to start, so I googled "private paediatric psychiatrist" and the clinic came up. It's all been done on zoom, she sends the prescription to the chemist and I pick it up from there.

Have to say, I'm impressed at how well zoom works. The kids are used to screens, I suppose.

@vivariumvivariumsvivaria

erm, google, principle

Turns out the psychiatrist is also the consultant at CAMHS. I suspect a lot of them do a few shifts.

I had no idea where to start, so I googled "private paediatric psychiatrist" and the clinic came up. It's all been done on zoom, she sends the prescription to the chemist and I pick it up from there.

Have to say, I'm impressed at how well zoom works. The kids are used to screens, I suppose.

Don't be embarrassed! It's great that you've found someone suitable and it reassures me. Dd's school phoned me before. They definitely want me to get a referral to CAMHS ASAP but also mentioned an ex-CAMHS private counsellor that another family are using who he is going to forward the details of. Feel like things are moving forward and DD is much better for being in school this week.

Yes, I'm glad we did it, but, I do think I should have had a bit more of a process, ha ha ha.

My impression is that if they suggest there are private options it means they don't think that waiting on the list is ideal. I'm glad they can point you in the direction of someone they think is helpful.

Sorry about school, assuming you are in UK.

Yes in the UK. Got DD a place in school during lockdown due to being vulnerable and I'm so glad I did. She's been so much better.

Oh, that's good news. Consistency is helpful.

There is going to be a massive impact on teens mental health from lockdown. It's not going to be an easy ride for lots of people.