School attendance and anxiety

[Northernsoulgirl45]

Dd is in year 10 but has been unable to attend school for much of year 9 due to severe anxiety.
Due to a series of issues including Lockdown dd has only just started hospital school for three hours a week.
Whilst I am happy that we are moving forward the realisation has hit me that my bright dd is probably only going to sit 4 GCSEs at most and only at foundation level.
Back in year 8 she was top set for everything.
I just feel we should have had more support from Mental Health Services ,the school and the LA.
Instead it seemed preferable to blame the parents rather than providing the right support.
I just feel broken.
Not even sure why I writing this but I just have to vent.
Thanks for reading.

I’m sorry to hear your DD has been struggling and not getting the support she needs, it’s sadly common.

Your DD is taking the scenic route, so many like your DD do reach their potential they just take a bit longer.

I really hope your DD gets the support she needs. Have you looked into online schools like Interhigh (if physically being in school increases her anxiety and working from home would suit her better) Perhaps if you applied for an EHCP your DD could go back a school year to give her a chance to recover and get the support she needs.

Thank you. We are in the process of applying for an EHCP. Going back a school year long term may be a better option long term.

Hi,

I've just popped on to reply. Our experience was very similar. DD was top set, but started having problems in school from the end of y9. She was predicted all good grade GCSEs

By y10 she was school refusing, we had multiple agencies involved, as you say the easiest option was to blame my parenting so I had to do parenting courses. We were on the waiting list for cahms having been through pcahms and assessed as needing additional help.

It was then that her secondary school piled the pressure on and demanded an increased from under 25% attendance to 95 in 4wks, with zero additional support. My feeling is that they saw she would be diagnosed with something and I felt she was managed out of mainstream education. As a result I had to dereg to homeschool as they were completely unreasonable and I had to give up work to facilitate.

She then started at a college unit for children who had struggled in mainstream and it was brilliant. Her attendance wasn't amazing but it was better and they were supportive.

She was diagnosed with anxiety and depression at 16 and given medication which made life so so much better for her. She was also diagnosed at 17 with ASD. Again far too late and meaningless as I was given a link to a website and parenting group and basically get on with it.

But the positives. Now she is out of education, despite only having 3 GCSE she has got every job she's gone for and at 20 works in a very fulfilling role and I'm incredibly proud of her.

But I am still angry at school, at the delays in the Camhs system, at the lack of support even with a diagnosis. That the LA was happy for me to dereg without any plan (not their problem!) The pressure they put on her and our relationship, on our family as a whole was immense. Cahms were brilliant when we finally got there but it was a year in the waiting. Maybe if they had intervened earlier, who knows.

It's just so wrong.

Thanks for your reply. Sadly these situations seem all to common. Tbh CAMHS was the start of the serious attendance issues. They were also the main parent blamers. Than we were abandoned for about 6 months where she had no education.
School just threatened fines. In the end I politely lost my rag and action was taken.
She has just got an ASD diagnosis too.
My mental health us shot now too.
Even worse dd3 is having problems at school too

@JomoNotFomo your daughter sounds amazing. Good to hear that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

There is @Northernsoulgirl45 but when you're in it and living it it feels unending. It feels like GCSE are everything because that's the expected path and if your child falls off there is no support. But there are access courses or the OU or apprenticeships. DD has been open about her diagnosis with employers.

My DD2 is also having issues but I take less shit and ask more of school etc because I'm confident it's not my parenting this time. And her issues are slightly different.

If DD's mental health allows it she should be receiving more than 3hrs a week. The guidance is clear on that. The law doesn't specify the number of hours but it should be full time, although not necessarily school hours because 1:1 or small group is more intense, and include SEN provision.

An EHCP can last until 25yrs so the is no reason DD can't take GCSEs later or over a longer period of time.

Make sure the LA stick to the EHCP timescale and the needs assessment is carried out properly. If the LA refuse to assess, issue or issue but it is woolly, without adequate provision/the right setting do appeal. The majority of appeals are upheld.

The SN section on here is brilliant for advice and support regarding EHCPs. As are IPSEA and SOSSEN who both have advice lines and useful websites.

If anxiety is the main barrier to learning this is where you focus support.

Sadly what is on offer to schools around mental health is lacking. There is lots of training on recognising signs and the causes but less on what strategies are available.

Thank you
She is under CAMHS having CBT. I don't actually think she can manage more than 3 hours sadly but will request increases as and when able.

I will look at the SEN boards thank you. I have SENDIASS on board but am struggling to find right words for EHCP letter.

Your story sounds similar to ours. A very bright DD who was forecast all Grade 7s for 10 GCSEs, who has really struggled with her mental health this year and now I'm really not sure she'll pass anything. She misses about half of her classes and doesn't do any homework or revise. It is really disappointing, but I know there are options re college courses or private GCSEs in future.

I just wanted to empathise with your feelings of loss to some extent, and worry, but their mental health is the most important thing.

Thank you for sharing. I know they will find their way.

IPSEA have a model letter you can use for the EHCNA.

Be careful with SENDIAS, some can be brilliant, but some are rubbish. They receive LA funding so will ultimately toe the party line. IMO IPSEA and SOSSEN are better.

SN Chat and SN children are the busiest SN boards.

Thank you. Great tips.