Behaviour and mental health

[davelectronic]

Hello, I'm new to all this parent forum stuff. I might not have posted in the right place for this topic, I'm not sure.
Anyway, I've been a single dad since my partner walked out on my Son and me, about 18 months or so now. I have two Daughters as well, but they are young adults now and in there 20's. I struggle a lot as I have a chronic illness, but we get along for the most part, my Son and me. He is 15 years old and growing up fast. Since he's Mum left us, I have had a recurring problem with behaviour.

When my Son is annoyed or hacked of with me, he gets spiteful, often spoiling food. I'm at a loss on how to avoid this happening, needless to say it really gets me angry. I've said in chat's with my Son, if your not happy about something, talk to me, and I can try and put it right. There is Family history of this spiteful behaviour, my ex partner did similar things with food, on one occasion putting me in hospital, where I recovered from what she had done. I feel really sad that my Son is going down this road, almost starting to mirror what his Mum would do when she was unhappy with me.

We had a Family history with social services, probably 6 years or more ago now. My now ex partner was found to be neglecting all three of our kids back then. There would be terrible rows with my two Daughters and my ex partner. It got t the point where I couldn't deal with it anymore, and often switched off buring my head in the PC.

I had tried to stop these arguments between my two Daughters and there Mum, but would end up stuck in the middle of a war zone. On top of this my youngest Daughter sexually abused her younger brother. This is how we ended up in the care of social services back then. Today my younger Daughter and my Son get on fine, but I don't know if there are deep seated bad feelings between them. There doesn't appear to be, so my Family over some years suffered a large degree of disfunctionality.

I'm at a loss how to approach the spiteful behaviour my Son is exhibiting, but want this problem to stop. I bend over backwards to do things for my Son, but I'm starting to feel he's got little compation for me. And maybe doesn't want to be with me. I really don't know what's going on in his mind when he gets spiteful like this. I try to do as much as I can with him, he recently built he's own gaming PC with guidance from me, and has achieved other constructive task, again with guidance.

He seems ok most of the time, but just resorts to the distructive spite when he's unhappy with me. If anyone has any suggestions on how I might tackle this problem I would really appreciate the help. Thank you for reading.

What exactly do you mean by ‘spoiling’ food? What’s he doing to it? And how were your children being neglected while you were living with them? Weren’t you taking care of them?

He needs a psychologist OP...why is he not receiving counselling? You all need family counselling too.

Your son needs professional help, as soon as possible. He has been sexually abused and clearly has serious issues he needs help with. Forget the NHS and go private.

My Son has had counciling, he was then discharged from the councilors care when they thought he no longer needed it. Neglect accurred where by my now ex partner would receive the money for clothing footwear etc, but cut corners or make the kids wait longer then necessary for them. Or skimp on the food shopping etc.

I never actively checked the cupboards, or thought that she wouldn't get the items they needed. When we where in social services care, all three of my kids where asked, who looks after the finances with regards food shopping and clothing shopping, they replied dad does. I would give my partner what was needed, but she never did what she was suppose to do with it.

And currently my Son has been offered counciling, but at school meanings has declined this. He is allowed to do that, I have tried to get him to see the school counselor, but has refused.

What do I mean by spoiling food, putting holes in sealed food products, or sometimes adding liquid, water I presume, although I'm not certain on what the liquid is. All I know is it's not usable, neither would I use it.

Other than your suggestions for counciling, nothing above helps me with this problem. I've been through accesments as a parent through social services, it was considered I was and am a responsible parent. I have close contact with my Son's school, and they are fully aware of my family's history and current family life.

I joined this forum to try and fined a solution to an on going problem, or I see it as a problem. We have had regulator school meetings to try and arrange counciling, but my Son refuses to see the school counselor. We have been discharged from social services care a long time ago now, but the school leason officer and school staff have always kept in contact with me.

I don’t know what else we can suggest? Your son has had to witness domestic abuse, he’s been neglected, sexually assaulted and mentally abused by his mother and sister, while his father sat passively by and didn’t even notice. Did it not cross your mind to leave his mum after her treatment of the children? You’ve left him to live in that situation until his mum up and left herself. It doesn’t sound like you ‘bend backwards’ for him at all. This is much too little too late. I’m surprised the only behaviour he’s exhibiting is being ‘spiteful’ after the terrible things that his own family have done to him/allowed to happen. And all you can feel is anger towards him when he acts out, and it says a lot how he’s behaving in the same way as his mother, this is the behaviour that he’s witnessed and learned growing up. He needs professional help.

I didn't sit passively by letting abuse go on, I never knew it was even happening, had I done I would have called the authority's at the first instance I found anything going on. And I did once I had discovered what had happened. I called my Police department and Social services.

I knew this would get twisted in the wrong way ! I wished I hadn't asked for help on a forum. I didn't leave because the hate and evil from my ex partner would continue if I left. I wanted to leave her, but not at the expense of my kids wellbeing. The arguing with my Daughter's I did witness, I did not witness sexual abuse.

Your implying I let it go on regardless. My Family has been free from any disfunctionality for more than 6 years now. The opening post was asking for help with a current problem. I don't intend returning for future replys. After we where discharged from Social services, another damages Social worker ask me if we wanted to claim compensation. I had no idea how that worked, my Son was found to be wronged by his older sister, neglected by his Mum, whilst his dad was chronicly I'll. My Son was awarded over sixteen thousand pounds from the compensation process.

My Daughter's are young adults now and have careers of there own. My oldest Daughter is s nursery practitioner. My younger Daughter is a shop assistant. My Son is still in school, he wants to be a motor mechanic. I'm not returning to this forum, I will take up my current problem with my Son's school first, they might initiate further help.

Kind Regards.

Dave.

Sorry but you say your daughter SEXUALLY ABUSED your son, but now they get on fine?

No.

Sorry, but I wouldn't make the poor lad clap eyes on her ever again. I don't care whether she was my child or not, if she did that to another one of my children, she wouldn't be welcome in my home, anywhere near him.