Found draft suicide letter - what to do

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My DS16 has just started some private therapy after being very anxious and depressed for a while. He was working on something over the weekend that he said was to do with therapy. I accidentally came across it this morning and it’s a draft suicide note. What do I do? He’s ok, he’s out with his Dad at the moment. I don’t know if it is just a way of getting his feelings out or a plan. What do I do? Who do I contact?

I want to talk to him but I know I need to handle this right.

Sorry to hear this OP. Personally I'd call your GP today and put them in the picture, and see what they suggest in respect of safety, unless your DS is already in contact with support services at CAMHS?

I’d ring his G.P and therapist. I’m sorry I’ve no experience, how awful and upsetting.

Call your gp now, they can do an urgent referral or arrange for him to come in.

Thank you, will try to GP appointment. He’s not under CAMHS or anyone else, so hope GP will talk to me even though he’s not a minor?

Call the therapist. Even if they (sorry my knowledge is very muzzy as I haven’t worked as a therapist for a very long time) say they can’t discuss because of data protection, then make sure that they know what you I’ve found.

It could be an ‘exercise’ but I wouldn’t have even given anyone a ‘negative’ thing like this to do.

Is the therapist a specialist in dealing with young people/children and depression? These are two of the areas that do (in my opinion) need a lot of skill/ specialist techniques to treat.

Accidentally? You have two issues here I think. His potentially deteriorating mh and him not trusting you again if you’ve gone snooping.

I would definitely call his therapist now and insist on speaking to them urgently, while they can’t discuss him with you without permission you can make them aware and they will have to act accordingly.

I’d try not to let your DS know that you know until you’ve done that. Then you need to have an honest conversation about how you came across it and how it’s made you feel. Depending on your relationship he might talk to you about it but if not make sure he knows who he can talk to is therapist, breathing space, Samaratins.

If you have gone looking for it be honest, tell him it’s because you’re worried sick and that you’ll try to respect his privacy but you have to know he has strategies in place to keep safe

Thanks. Will do all of this.

He left it on the kitchen table, upside down. So absolutely no snooping, I just turned it over. I wonder if he wanted me to, even subconsciously.

Definitely sounds like he wanted you to see it whether he knows it or not!

I would not talk to him about the note as this would impact the trust you have between you (at 16 I would have taken this as my mum snooping).

However, talking about suicide does not make people more likely to try it. Talk to him. Talk about times you've felt low yourself. What it was like. Talk about how sometimes we have to sit with our negative/low feelings - there is not always a magic wand cure. Sitting with our discomfort is ok and normal. Make it very very ok for him to talk about how he is feeling.

Don't judge, instead try eg "you've said X, it sounds like you have a lot of thoughts/feelings/emotions you're working through at the moment. What can I do to help?" And LISTEN don't give advice unless he is directly asking you for it.

Google while he's out. You'll find professional advice saying to talk to him, don't pretend like nothings happening.

Hugs. this is a really hard thing to go through as a parent x

Just saw your update - x post about the snooping

If you do talk about the note, don't focus on how it made YOU feel. I mean this in the kindness way but you are not the priority here. The focus needs to be on how to help your son.

Later, speak to a therapist yourself so you can address your feelings / potential trauma. This is really important; our kids are everything to us and the thought of loosing one will impact you even if you are numb right now x

Sounds like a cry for help. Speak to your GP today, who can signpost correct service. Make sure your DS is not left unattended. Sadly, I know someone who lost a child tragically, no parent should ever go though that hell. I hope your DS feels better soon.

I would also discretely remove medicines.

I agree with speaking to the therapist. My DD sees one and she sometimes has 'homework' to write about the effects of her feelings. Perhaps he misunderstood the task he'd been given. Or deliberately decided to write his thoughts as a suicide note as a cry for help. Obviously they're very bound by confidentiality but can discuss next steps, i.e. "no that's not what I asked him to do, yes contact GP".

Speak to the therapist. When your DS is home maybe gently enquire if he left it there so you would see it, and does he want to talk about it? Then follow his lead.

Thank you all. Waiting for his GP to call me. Have emailed the therapist to see if she can talk.

I’d call the therapist - if this is something to do with her you really need to ask what is going on. Does she generally keep you in the loop? If she was concerned then she would set wheels in motion (a clients potential self harm and Any criminal activity are two things you can disclose).

Therapist is on leave till tomorrow; GP will only do phone calls which DS doesn’t want to do. He doesn’t know I’ve seen the letter yet, but we’ve been talking about his mood, anxiety etc. He’s seemed ok, happy to talk about feelings. We’ve filled in a self-referral for CAMHS as well. Hopefully it won’t take too long to speak to someone.