Could it affect her?

[Supermum11]

yesterday my DH attacked me he throttled me put his hands around my neck it was only brief and didn't hurt or leave any marks but I'm worried and upset as my dd saw who is 2 I don't know if it could affect her?

We also argue a lot shouting at each other and I worry incase that could be affecting her?
I don't know what to do as I don't want to leave my Dh but I also don't want to bring my child up In a bad environment where we argue a lot and sometimes he lashes out very rarely and it's probably my fault but it's not the first time he has attached me and I'm worried about how it could affect my dd could it affect her what do you think?

Why don't you want to leave your dh? While your daughter is 2 at the moment, she will grow and will remember more as she grows. Why do you want her to witness your arguing and physical abuse? Because you clearly do otherwise you would have left him. So in answer to your question, yes it will be affecting her and you need to put her first

I don't want to leave him as I still love him we've been together for 12 years and have lots of good times together and I really don't want my dd to grow up in a broken family also I don't have anywhere to go! 😔

Your daughter is already growing up in a broken family.

She will grow up thinking it's normal to be beaten by someone who claims to love you and end up in her own relationship like this.lo

She will grow up damaged by developmental trauma. And she will suffer as a result. A lot.

Most likely she will grow up without a mum, because having been strangled already you are very high risk for him to murder.

Call Women's Aid. Let them help you.

Throttling is a huge red flag when it comes to domestic violence and suggests there's a likelihood of it escalating to extreme forms of violence and even murder.

I think you probably already know that witnessing domestic violence as a child affects children, young and old. There's tonnes of information online confirming this.

Do you really think it's less damaging to grow up in a violent household rather than a broken one? Think of it this way, "breaking" a family (which already sounds pretty broken to me) gives you the opportunity to build a new, happy, functional one - even if it is just your child and you. I appreciate that there are many emotions involved and things are often not as clear cut as just leaving, but be under no false illusions that staying is the better option for your child.

Do you have any support? Family or friends that you can talk to? Women's Aid can also provide you with support - https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

And it is NOT your fault. There is no excuse to "lash out" at you, no matter the context. But you need to take action to remove yourself and your child from the situation before further damage is caused.

@Supermum11

I don't want to leave him as I still love him we've been together for 12 years and have lots of good times together and I really don't want my dd to grow up in a broken family also I don't have anywhere to go! 😔

I’m currently in your situation But worse and it a horrible.

Things seems to have started to slip down a slippery slope and only worse they will get. Each time you argue I can guarantee it’s a little bit worse than before, the violence will get a little bit worse each time, and the longer you justify it the worse it will get because the boundaries you set yourself at the start of this relationship have shifted to accommodate the arguments and occasional violence because you love him and the good out weighs any bad in the relationship.

I understand how hard walking away can be. Does your partner understand his actions and behaviour is out of order sometimes? As you can’t take all the blame for this! Because recognising it is the first step in order for things to change. Maybe go to therapy, couples counselling? Seek professional help together and independently to better yourselves and this relationship. If he don’t think he’s acting inappropriately the worse it’s going to get and it will end up effecting your child.
Not also that social services could also get involved if the worse it’s going to get and they could make you leave your relationship or loose your child (obviously that’s a long shot but it does happen).

Of course it affects her ! Shes a little sponge atm absorbing everything you say and do ! Another woman putting a partner before her kids 🙄