15 year old DS self harming

[undecidedforever2020]

After spotting cuts on my DS’ arms recently, he confessed he has been self harming for several months using scissors or a knife he says he doesn’t know why he is doing it. He’s had a girlfriend for the last year and it is not an easy relationship - she also has self-harm/mental health issues and part of me wonders if it’s all linked or whether this would have happened anyway. I just feel so incredibly guilty about this whole thing like I’ve failed my child somehow. We’ve tried to encourage him to see a therapist or at least the doctor but he is refusing. Is this something we should try to make happen or respect his wishes about not wanting to engage?

That is such a tough one.
I think you should least have a chat with a Dr so they are aware and so it is noted on his records so that if you need to seek help in the future it isn’t then just logged as ‘first instance of self harm’.
I have young family members scarred for life already so I know how painful this is.
You haven’t failed your child, there is nothing to feel guilty for. It’s really good he has been able to talk to you about this which is amazing so you obviously have a good relationship on the whole.
There is a huge misconception that self harm is about attention seeking -it isn’t, there is a dopamine release which causes release/relaxation in people when they cut and cause bleeding, it is a huge stress release.
I’m so sorry you are going through this and DS is suffering. I think you need to respect his wishes but keep telling him you are there when he needs you and say you will help find support if he needs it but do let someone know officially. The dr isn’t going to trigger some SS intervention-honestly, but it does need to be recorded somewhere in real time.
Is there someone else he would speak to freely-pastoral care in school for example?
So hard for you all