Where can we get help?

[enoughtime]

DS is 8 and we need help. He's had behaviour issues for a while and it's been getting worse since before Christmas. We think he has all the symptoms of Oppositional Defiance Disorder, to give a picture of his behaviour.
We've been in lockdown for 5 weeks and his behaviour has got progressively worse each day. Phoned the GP last week as we were at crisis point - violence, aggression and non-stop abusive language and behaviour. It's so awful. I have two other children aged 10 and nearly 2.
The GP referred us to the Child Mental Health team who phoned me yesterday. They gave me a list of websites to check out and told me to contact the School Nurse and see if they can refer for an assessment (which is obviously going to be a long long way off). But we need help now. We can't cope. Tonight he has bitten my husband eight times, kicked, punched, screamed relentlessly - all because DH had the audacity to ask him to get ready for bed.
We can't cope anymore. Who can we turn to for actual help in the here and now? This is destroying our family.

Is he better when he's at school due to the routine etc?

If so, I would phone your school tomorrow and ask for a place for him under the 'vulnerable' category.

Your DS sounds very much like my niece. I’m afraid to say, but it has been a long old slog for the authorities to finally diagnose her with autism and ADHD (you should get your DS checked for this when you can) my sister has also had to jump through hoops to request an ECHP! It’s a very long drawn out process, but fingers crossed they will get the help they need. I wish you the best of luck, I know I’m not a help, but nothing can be done immediately, you just have to look to the future when you will be able to access the help you so much need 😘

I think speak to the school or again to CAMHS and explain that you need help putting together some strategies to use in this interim period to tide you over, especially in terms of coming up with a family safety plan and training the other DC to move out of the firing line quickly and quietly when DS kicks off.

Also maybe have a look The Explosive Child book and some online resources and try out some strategies that you think might work for you. It will be a case of trial and error to start with anyway, and it's important to remember that and to know that you would have the same period of trial and error even with a full CAMHS service running.

We're in a similar position waiting for ADHD diagnoses, but even without the diagnosis, if the strategies work, it makes sense to use what you can in the circumstances.

Routine is often key for children with these issues, so it's worth thinking about that too. My most violent DC (several issues including ASD, anxiety and LD) is quite a bit older than yours, but if it's any consolation, she has calmed down somewhat now she's settled into her new lockdown routine.

It's bloody hard, OP, but you will get through it and things will improve - it just takes a lot of time and positivity.