How to react

[peakygal]

My almost 17 year old DD suffers with mental health problems. Shes been having a really tough time since Jan and yesterday met with a psychiatrist. Her Dad has barely been in her life and only in the past week has started speaking to her after cutting her out 6 months ago for getting a small tattoo on her wrist. He said he should have been asked about getting the tattoo and thats why he cut contact (very mature).. Last night she rang him to explain how her meeting with the psychiatrist went and he told her as follows:

She just needs to shake herself
Stop hanging around with boys and only hang around with girls ( shes only ever with her best friend who is a boy and has been her BF since she started school)
She will never get a job if shes claiming to have mental health issues because no one is interested in people like that
All that's wrong with kids of today is social media and gays being given rights ( yep he really said that )
Shes ruining her life saying she has MH issues

The list goes on...My question is how do I handle this with her Dad without totally losing my s**t?!? I am so angry over this. I thought I would have cooled off by now but I haven't. Any advice would be great.

I would suggest your DD doesn't discuss with her Dad any more details of her mental health and appointments. Clearly he isn't supportive and he doesn't understand.

Tell him he doesn't know what he is talking about, and to stop criticising your DD.

I wouldn't discuss it with him bit would help my DD with how to ignore his comments. In a roundabout way I'd be getting her to think about how he behaves towards her and is that someone she can trust, who's opinion is of value and if they were her age would she be fiends with them. Maybe using friendships as the way into the conversation and then expanding.
I'd also be talking to her about her MH and saying that communication is so key to helping yourself. What's the best way to communicate with her when she's feeling down - text, face-to-face, app messaging?

She is really good since last year about discussing things with me. She knows she can talk to me about anything at all. I've explained she never needs to fear talking to me about anything ever. We are quite close. She is a great kid. She doesn't give me any hassle at home or in school. Shes not one who is lazy or mean in any shape or form. She is just desperate for a good relationship with her Dad and no matter how many times he kicks her she takes it. I have explained to her she needs to stop discussing things with him at all. She needs to realise he isn't likely to change any time soon and his views are ignorant. I told her she needs to build up a wall in a sense against him for her own sake. My own dad wasn't great and I eventually got to a point where I expect absolutely nothing from him at all therefore I'm never disappointed. My heart breaks for her

@peakygal

I have a DS with MH problems and 2 DDs with the usual teenage angst, etc. and it's great that they all feel they can talk to me or DH. Although, DH has his own MH problems and can be too black or white sometimes.

Without wanting to sound patronising, well done for having such good channels ion communication between you and DD. Like you, my parents were a no-go area for anything like this and I was determined not to repeat that. Feeling alone inside your own family is not a nice place to be.

Sadly, she will over time come to the same conclusion and all you can do is be there for her.
Depending on your relationship with her dad, personally, I would steer away from staging him off as useless and get her to see that he is not in a position to help her because of his views.