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Child mental health

Anxiety/depression but wants to party!

4 replies

AMBC25 · 27/02/2020 23:04

Hi all, I suppose just need to 'talk', shoulder to cry on and get some level headed advice. I've posted here before about my dd15 and ongoing MH difficulties and behaviour problems. She is currently with a child psychiatrist and has been prescribed Prozac for anxiety and depression/ self harm history and therapy has started. She has completely dropped out of school, won't do anything , doesn't leave the house practically but yet again coming up to the weekend is asking to go to a party where there will be no parents and alcohol and weed which she will definitely partake in! We had a horrendous year with her meeting a group of friends that we would love her to break from, getting drunk, collapsing, us frantically looking for her because she didn't meet us at arranged time. It's calmed down a bit but recently asked to meet friends, she cries to me and says it's so hard being in the house all the time and she sees them having fun. She assured me she wouldn't touch any drink if I let her meet them, picked her up, stinking of drink and she got sick at home. Now she's asking again and I live in fear saying no because she has in the past said she would kill herself if she had to stay in. I should say we are making massive efforts to give her extra love and attention and her siblings are too. Im starting to feel so ground down, I know I'm feeling weak and sorry for myself but I just think that I'm going to be battling to keep her away from this group for years as she seems to be so drawn to them.
Apart from this long winded moan 🙂 what do you all think? Do you live in fear and let her go I to situations where she is potentially unsafe or cope with the fear and say no to her drinking, possibly smoking weed and even underage sex. Thanks all

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jesterbun · 05/03/2020 16:00

Hi op - I remember your posts from before. Our dd’s sound so similar and I too am really struggling with knowing what to do with regard to her going out. I know she needs her independence but her behaviour is so risky when she does meet friends that I find it hard to trust her. We’ve had so many suicide attempts after she’s got drunk and I’m just too scared to give her the freedom she craves. Camhs have said we need to build trust by allowing her to go out but that is easier said than done. I just can’t cope with another night in A &E. it’s not helped by the fact that my mental health is not great. I’m exhausted and feeling really low. I can’t offer you any advice - just to say I hope you found a way to compromise with her that worked for both of you.

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AMBC25 · 08/03/2020 13:23

Snap Jester! I've had the whole ' build up trust' bs from a two counsellors but my DD is highly manipulative and at one stage I found all we were talking about is how hurt my DD was that I didn't trust her. I felt like saying I'll give you one of my nights where she cajoles me, gets allowed out , swears she won't get in to anything and then we find ourselves looking for her, she's not answering her phone and we find her drunk and in potentially dangerous situations. I finally told myself that her poor mental health does not give her the right to do what she is doing. It's an ongoing struggle. I feel for you, my mental health is nearly in the toilet so to speak. Right now we are getting her the best help possible, to great expense, I've quit my job, we are working hard on giving her extra love and attention and buoying her up on her bad days but her behaviour, not her mental health is destroying us , family life and ultimately I believe will ruin her life so she isn't allowed out at all after dark. During the day she can meet her friends or have them up here but absolute no no outside that. I've told her if she does go off I will call the police. I have also told myself to try to stop living in fear of her threats to kill herself if I don't let her out, although it's hard to push it aside. I'm doing everything I can as a mother, I'm at peace with that. Of course the possibility of her hurting herself is beyond my worst nightmare but she is so young and is heading down a bad road with her group , I can't as a parent let her do that. What worries me is she likes this type of socialising, drinking and smoking weed and feels absolutely no guilt about the worry she puts her family through. What is also 'interesting' is that her group all suffer from anxiety and /or depression. They are in a group chat and are telling each other not to kill themselves. I don't know if this is healthy. A few are also self harming and there's a lot of talk about that. I've no answer really,, I live day by day and try to stay positive and believe that things will get better. Try to take care of yourself xx

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AMBC25 · 08/03/2020 13:29

Just another thing Jester. In terms of CAmhs saying build up trust, we ' outed' our DD to her psychiatrist. She had as session with her and we were called in and she was saying it was great that DD met her friends and it went well and she stuck to the rules. I said ' no she didn't, she was drunk'! Dd was raging.put in back on them and ask how are you to build trust when she does such and such when out and endangers herself? Ball back in their court. I also found/find my DD gets unstable when drunk , dangerously so.

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jesterbun · 09/03/2020 14:57

Oh Op l do feel for you. Our lives seem very parallel at the moment. The drinking is my biggest fear and I feel beyond my control but I also feel manipulated too. She just can’t see the problem. I know we are doing all we can but the affect all this is having on family life is devastating and some times I despair of it ever ending. I’ve given up looking too far into the future - one day at a time is my mantra and I’ve also acknowledged if I don’t look after myself better then it will only get worse. Hang in there - we can do this!

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