Talking about 13 yr old's anxiety

[Knitwit99]

My 13 yr old's son's worrying is going beyond normal worrying. I think he has anxiety.
His main issues are around food (he is vegetarian but worries things will have meat in them) and knowing what is going to happen when, how he will get there, changes of plan etc.

I don't think it is severe, but it's there and we should address it sooner rather than later.

I am nervous about broaching it with him for the first time. Do I say "I think you have anxiety", do I talk round it without using the word? I don't know if he will feel relieved I've noticed or if he will get really upset. I guess I don't know until I try.

Should I head straight for the gp and a referral? We have private healthcare with dh's job which would cover this. Or is this overkill? Do we read some books and try some strategies ourselves first?

It's so hard.

I am trying to make some changes at home, trying to make things calmer, trying to be around the house more, make sure we sit together at mealtimes, do something together every weekend.

Life is busy, we have 3 kids all with their own activities and things going on, in-laws are elderly and not very well so taking up lots of dh's attention at random times. I've increased my hours at work so everything is shifting a bit at home. All of that can't be helping him feel calmer. But if I make him feel better about all of that, is that enough? I just don't know.
I'm rambling, I know. Thanks for reading.

I feel for you and don’t have answers but have similar questions. DS’s anxiety is affecting him and I don’t know where to start as we can control it at home but not as school where I can’t anticipate the triggers

IIWY I’d start by speaking to him. I’d explain that he doesn’t have to live with anxiety as there is help available. It sounds like there’s a lot going on. There may be some social media drama behind the scenes too, he might tell you if you ask. And definitely offer counselling.

Thanks for your replies.
I took him out for tea and a cake and had a chat. I am so glad I did.
He agreed to go to the gp which we did on Tuesday and he has an appointment to see a CBT therapist on Wednesday next week.

His reaction was definitely to be relieved that we had talked about it and acknowledged he had a problem, I was worried that he would get angry and defensive.

So there we are. We'll see what happens next.

Well done OP, good luck.

I have a 13 year old son and although not an anxiety sufferer, it's 'there' and could come out iyswim. We've had some little blips of sleeplessness and things on his mind

I spend 20 mins a day at bedtime with him. He has a hot milk, we lie on his bed and we have a chat. About anything he likes. So sometimes it's worries he has and other times it's just him being silly like a lot of them this age

It's a bit of a pain sometimes and reminds me of settling him when he was about 6 BUT it works because he has my undivided attention, the milk relaxes him and it's a consistent thing

My son was 10 and just overnight he stopped talking to his brother 13 it got so bad i had to separate there rooms. Now its 3 years on 13 and 16 and we are still no further forward we have seen gp, cahms and stronger families. All of which has not helped at all. Im really worried and dont no what else to do.