OCD and emetophobia in 12yo ds - help, please

[friedbeansandcheese]

DS has had emetophobia for a few years. He had private counselling for it 3 years ago which seemed to have helped but now it's back and getting worse (it's sick bug season which always makes it worse). He also seems to have developed some OCD symotoms - touching wood repeatedly, touching ten things made of wood if he has a bad thought, etc.

He has lots of rigid rules around what he can and can't do - anything from school has to stay in one specific place at home because it carries 'school germs', and he goes mad if anything from school - eg a letter - touches, say, the table. He says he can see the germs being spread around the house. It's affecting all areas of his life - he won't eat out, he's using a carton of hand wash per day, his hands are red and bleeding, he washes them so much, he won't have friends round in case they have school germs...

It breaks my heart.

I've investigated specialised emetophobia counselling for him - the THRIVE programme - but it is £795 and I'm not sure he's ready to engage with it and work on it.

Can anyone suggest anything to help? Please? It's exhausting looking after him and reassuring him that things are safe to eat, etc.

Anyone??

Oh... I feel for you 💐 and your ds. I'm emetophobic and my dd had/has it - not as bad as your ds - it was hell when she was smaller. She's 14 now and for 3 years has been much better...I think she's largely grown out of it as in she can cope better if she feels I'll. Unlike yr ds she never worried unless she actually had a tummy ache.

I'm a bit like yr ds...I totally get the 'school germs' thing, bless him ☹. My dd wanted a hug after school today and I literally recoiled as I was paranoid about touching her after shed been to school and on the school bus hime. She looked so sad, so I regained composure and did give a hug...then I had to cHange my jumper and put it in the wash. It's utterly mentally exhausting and miserable. Reassurance from you is all you can do...explore the triggers and get him some more counselling. Wishing you all the best

Oh the poor thing (and poor you). I’ve had emetophobia since primary school and used to drive my parents crazy seeking their reassurance. I’m now in my thirties and generally handling it much better, so there is hope.

What I’ve noticed is that my emetophobia gets much worse when I’m more stressed/anxious generally. So when I’m going through a calmer time in life I’ll forget all about it unless actually faced with sick. Whereas when I’m going through a difficult time and struggling with stress I’ll start to become preoccupied with the phobia even when there’s nothing relevant to trigger it.

I’ve been told the phobia is about control and not wanting to lose control and that makes sense to me, given that it gets worse at times when my life feels out of control.

If you aren’t already then I would recommend trying things which are designed to help anxiety and stress generally. Maybe download a meditation app like Calm (you can try some of the meditations for free) and see whether your ds would be willing to do a short relaxation exercise a few times a day? In the morning, after school and before bed if possible. It would be good for him to learn some breathing exercises and learn to focus on these every time his mind tries to go to a scary place.

Exercise is of course also meant to be a great way to destress and improve mental health generally. I haven’t made much progress with that one myself though!

And exposure does help if it can be done in a controlled way, which is easier said than done with this phobia! In my case getting a cat who I adored but who turned out to have a sensitive stomach helped me!

So sorry for you, OCD can be successfully treated with CBT. Find a therapist who specializes in ocd and try to get help as soon possible, as ocd sometimes progresses if anxiety is high.

If you search online there is a lot of written material about it.

I can sympathise with the emetophobia side of things. My oldest Ds had emtophobia that started when he was around 6 years old. His baby brother had been incredibly unwell whilst we were on holiday the year before. We were abroad and had to call paramedics, Ds was so scared he hid in the bathroom, that's what started it for him. I was so caught up with what was going on with baby ds as he was unconscious, I had no idea Ds was so frightened.

When Ds was 8 I approached the gp to ask for some help. Back then (he's 19 now) child mental health care was not too bad. We quite quickly had a mental health nurse do some home visits, hard to believe now! To be honest though she wasn't great and had never heard of emetophobia, so we didn't gain much from her input.

Ds has had some issues over the years and we have often offered to pay for private support. He's never excepted our offer though. He seems to be coping better now but to be honest he still would avoid any kind of situation with vomit and would turn over the TV channel if he saw someone vomiting on TV. I wouldn't say he's completely over it, just better controlled I guess. So it did improve a bit with age, he did not have any associated OCD though.

My heart goes out to you both. I had severe emetophobia growing up and into my early adulthood. In fact things have only really improved since I had my daughter and have had to deal with both her getting ill and inevitably me catching it at times. I also had CBT with was much more effective than I had anticipated. Be wary of The Thrive system I looked into it myself but most of the ‘programmes’ you have to pay for are sadly that... focused around making money. You should be able to access CBT counselling through His GP. I really can’t tell you how bad I was it was all consuming and I had severe OCD. But take heart I am now in my 30’s with a happy family life free from OCD and although sickness still triggers anxiety for me I would say it is more of an inconvenience in my life rather than a major part x