Dr appt with 13 yr old suicidal about school. Should I raise my ASD concerns?

[dangermouseisace]

Hello.

My son hates school. He is academically very able, and has been doing well. He just doesn’t see the point, finds it boring, and struggles with classroom disruption. A few months ago I started liasing with the pastoral team, but now he’s said that he’s not wanting to go to sleep because he doesn’t want to have to wake up and go to school, and has been thinking about suicide (no plans). He said he’d hate any school. None of the other local schools have a place for him anyway. He says he’s not being bullied and has a small select group of friends. They don’t live near here, he only meets up with them outside of school online gaming.

I don’t know whether to say anything about my concerns my son may have ASD, or whether I’m being an over paranoid parent. I have worried a bit about him since he was a toddler, but as nursery and school never suggested a problem, and he was happy, I never raised it with anyone. Should I mention my concerns or if he had ASD is it more likely someone would have said something by now?

Sorry didn’t mention- I’m taking him to the GP tomorrow about his mental state.

Yes, definitely mention it. Children with ASD often show little sign of it in school, it all comes out when they get home. So school may not have noticed much. And they can be happy in primary but not in secondary because it’s so different.

Definitely mention your concerns.

Thanks. I’ll try and mention it in as tactful a way as I can...

Does he do self guided study at home? If he's that against school then you've gotta get him doing something else, maybe learning to code and build his own video game outside of school? Practising art or animation, just getting him to do something to build towards a career when he's older

No, nekoshiro he does nothing. Re-arranges his Lego. Lies on his bed. Anything I suggest is met with complete resistance. I’m thinking he’d maybe be better off with his father because I’m just not able to get him to do anything.

Definitely mention. There can be quite a lot of overlap between ASD and anxiety/stress.

One of my mums friends daughters was in a similar position to your son. She thrived with 1-2-1 support and smaller classes when she moved on to college. I think it was the stimulus overwhelm which triggered the emotional overwhelm.

Saying flippantly you want to die is different from suicidal actions and plans.. I'd take it seriously by seeing the GP, camhs etc but not over panic.

Do you think he's overwhelmed by the sensory side of being at school? The social interaction? Worried about making mistakes?

Defo mention your concerns. My child developed school anxiety age 8 after previously being very happy in school. She got a cahms assessment and it was actually them who suggested ASD then after I agreed to an assessment in ASD clinic she was diagnosed after several months of tests etc

I saw the GP, who wasn’t much use. However, school phoned before, saying they would refer DS to CYPS. I told his HOY, who has taught DS, about my ASD concerns. To my surprise he said that he definitely has noticed some traits, and that he’d also put in a referral to some autism thingy I can’t remember what. They’ve also referred to social services, and said not to worry about DS missing work as they are sure he will catch up.

The GP turned out to be a waste of time, and he dismissed my ASD concerns because DS made eye contact

I’ve been talking a lot to DS...he finds it difficult to work with the disruption in class, and finds going between classes really hard. He also finds subjects difficult when he can’t see how exactly they relate to a job, and struggles with the concept of general knowledge and achievement as a useful thing. If it’s “boring” he absolutely cannot see why on Earth he has to study it. He’s also finding the journey to school hard because he’s sure that everyone is looking at him in an angry way. He said he doesn’t really understand most of the boys in his school.

He’s been so much happier being off school. Chatty (for him), having a giggle and so much more relaxed. The transformation is amazing, which is a relief, but also a worry as to where do we go from here?