Desperate for tips for dealing with suicidal teen

[joeytheroo789]

Hi,
Posting on behalf of my brilliant sister who's really struggling to know how best to help her nearly 15 yo daughter. She (my niece) ended up in hospital last week having had a suicide attempt which is obviously very distressing for everyone.

For over a year now, she's been refusing school (she goes, but comes home for lunch every day and often doesn't want to go back) and seems to suffer from social anxiety - she has good friends but seems to be overwhelmed by the crowds in the school.

She won't talk with her mum or dad or anyone about what's going on in her head and she hasn't uttered a word to the school pastoral support worker who's supposed to be her point person at school.

She suffers with severe period pain a lot and the lows seem to coincide with her cycle. I have endometriosis and my sister has always had symptoms and I reckon my niece also suffers. The period pain is too much to be normal. A change in the pill has coincided with this most recent crisis.

CAMHS has been useless - despite hospitalisation, they've been left with zero support or options. My sister would pay for therapy but my niece REFUSES point blank to speak to anyone about what's going on in her head. My sister is SO empathetic, compassionate, patient and has tried so hard to understand and help her, as does her dad (they're a great family with loving siblings) but she can go weeks without speaking to either parent except for shouting at them to leave her alone. It's desperate and miserable for them all and having a devastating effect on everyone in the family.

Has anyone been through this who could offer some advice? Maybe on how to work the CAMHS system, the GP, what to fight for (should they be trying for medication at her age), and most importantly HOW can they get her to talk to someone.

Alternatively, did YOU suffer from similar troubles as a teen - what helped you out of that dark place? What would you wish you'd been able to do for your younger self that would have made a difference?

My sister and her husband are so desperate to help her. Any practical advice very gratefully received.

Thank you
x

I very much doubt all is as 'perfect' within the family as they'd like you to believe

What an in helpful post @Loaf90 — why on earth did you bother even typing it?

@joeytheroo789, so sorry for what you and your family are going through.

My initial thoughts:

Has the period pain been assessed by GP?

If your niece is struggling to talk to someone face to face, maybe texting might work? It linking her with mental health helplines who offer text services or online chats - Samaritans do this for example.

Perhaps also a good self help book for teens with low mood/anxiety? Library’s have books on prescription services for this. She may just pick it up one day if it’s lying around in her room.

I sympathise with you all, you must be desperately worried. Hope you and her parents are looking after your well-being too.

*unhelpful post

www.kooth.com/

This is a useful website used a lot by young people in our area.

Sorry to read about your niece.
Have you checked out the Mind website, lots of useful resources there.
Ref period pain, please go back to the GP, mine was very helpful once they stopped telling me I had an STD! I have endo and I find that my PMT can make me think that dying wouldn't be so bad. My GP recommended angust cactus and wow what a difference to my mood.

Regarding the councellor, would you niece be happy to write why she doesn't want to attend?

thanks @mistykoala for some really helpful starting points. I'm not sure if they've found kooth.com but seems a great resource and texting is a good idea. Will try to encourage that.

Thanks too for asking after the adults - my sister and husband really need a support group. Have you found anything good for the parents either online or in person? youngminds.org wasn't helpful (she ended up counselling the call taker...)

re period pain - her GP put her on the pill but there was a national shortage of the one that worked fairly well hence the switch which really didn't help. I suspect she has endometriosis - I do, and reckon my sister does too given her life time of symptoms so it's not a stretch to imagine she has it as well as it runs in families. But at 15, there's not much they'll do about it (which is a scandal in itself although the obvious thing to do is an internal scan which they (rightly) don't like doing on someone so young.) The pill could help, but equally seems to have been very unhelpful recently, and I'm dubious having really struggled with depression whilst on the pill. I've been fine in the 15 years since quitting it. So difficult to know what to suggest except to hold on tight through puberty - a woeful response really.

Thanks for your wisdom. All advice hugely helpful
x
PS thanks too for your response to unhelpful comment above. It's comments like that made me want to post on behalf of my sister so she doesn't need to read herself.

In my area there is a charity called X area carers network and they provide support for the carers in a situation such as your sister.

They are a fantastic charity and if your sister has one locally I would definitely get in touch with them.

There's a condition that causes extreme anxiety and depression in waves and goes with a girl/womans cycle. I heard of a lady in her early 30's suffering with it and she had made two suicide attempts and disappeared a few times but she held down a job and had two kids and no one could work out what it was. Sorry I don't know the name of the condition but it's very treatable and getting the right hormonal treatment is key to leading a healthy life while you have it. If anyone knows the name, that would be good

PMDD is a disorder that causes extreme PMT and mood changes. Drs sometimes prescribe antidepressants for it. Sorry for your sister and her family. You sound very supportive to them.

CAMHS - everything that is agreed with them must be reiterated back in writing with an audit trail. When my dd was ill they were extremely unhelpful. The issue with CAMHS imo is that nurses are the gatekeepers to more qualified therapists/psychiatrists and except in the most extreme cases pin everything on the family and are incapable of looking beyond that.

Your sister is her daughter's best advocate. Your sister needs to find the best practice GP and get them on side. This may be a long road.

Your sister needs to find a good psychiatrist for her dd. Borrow if necessary. Therapy is hit and miss and rather like comfortable shoes you have to try out a few first. Psychiatrist and GP together may be able to get hormones balanced and it may also require gynae input.

My dd needed ad's to get her into a better place before therapy was helpful. Relate are now offering adolescent therapy and were excellent - also good when the young person oerhaps needs a couple of ad hoc sessions.

A psychiatrist will be able to help with assessments for underlying issues too.

At 15 dd developed anxiety and depression and started to self harm through cutting, od's and eating. She also had some gynae problems and now has the implant. Gynae problems were a side issue though that just needed sorting out.

She saw the psychiatrist fortnightly, then monthly for about 7/8 months. Two therapists didn't help much. AD's were useful. Assessments for asd and adhd were the turning point. DD had adhd/ADD and this was the underlying factor.

Five years on she manages her anxiety and depression. Is in her 2nd year at uni and happy.

Sadly op, support, treatment and diagnosis were not available on the NHS. It is a national scandal.

Pm me if you are in Surrey and I can point you to some local initiatives that might help.

Hi @joeytheroo789

I suffered horrendous depression at the same age as your DN and I did also attempt to take my own life at that time.

What helped me
-long term CBT and informal non structured counselling
-moving to college - more respect and subjects I enjoyed
-new friends - made at new college
-getting involved in lots of activities and not being allowed to isolate

I agree with others about perusing the medical angle, I also struggled with my periods (10yrs on not an issue).

I also have endo and struggle although no one would know this. I can also see my dd going down the exact same route and its heartbreaking.
I came on this board to look for help for similar reasons.
My DD loves art and I do think its a good activity for communication expression and just taking your mind off stuff. I'll probably pop out later and get a couple of cheap canvasses. Its not really a solution but I hope it will provide some moments of pleasure.

don't give up on camhs yet - we've been really lucky but live in an area where DBT for teens is now available - it's been around for a long time as very effective for treating people with bpd / similar (often a very unpopular diagnosis, but this treatment very helpful) - specifically helps people to reduce self harm / suicidal ideation. It's now gaining traction in NHS and camhs, I think we're just very lucky that it's started in our area, but would urge you to find out if it exists or might be getting set up near you. Agree with Ontheroses that medication also very very helpful for getting the young person to a place where they can be helped / will accept help. Feminax super strength and also tens machine can be good for awful period pain. (I'm v wary of pill cos research suggests it can make depression worse.) Could your neice have some time off school ? Really made a difference for my dd to have that pressure removed for a while. Depending on how supportive school / local authority are, she may be able to do some studying at home ? Difficult if parents both working full time though I know. Depending on the area, there may be an education centre your neice could attend - obviously much smaller than regular school but specifically help school refusers / young people with mental ill health to continue with studies away from the pressures of mainstream school, and with others experiencing similar problems. Maybe also look into add / asd, which is often masked in girls but can manifest as depression & self harm in adolescence. Good luck to you and your sister. neice and family. It's tough and sh1tty but they will all get through it. Shame that you may all have to really fight for the right support but worth it.

Top tip from DBT skills is 'validation' - which mostly doesn't come very easily to us emotionally uptight brits ! In case it might be interesting or useful for you or your sister, here's a couple of links -
motivationandchange.com/no-really-not-nail/ and about DBT -www.verywellmind.com/dialectical-behavior-therapy-1067402