Think this might be long (and I'm not sure how to explain it properly), please be kind!
DD has had a horrible year or so. Moved school as she was being bullied which was a great move as the new school was lovely, but triggered a major bout of anxiety where she couldn't leave DH or I to go to school or to bed. With the help of a psychologist, and also DH spending HOURS working with the book 'What to do when you worry too much' she's doing loads better now (3 steps forward, 1 step back sort of thing)
When I'm not there (so she's just with DH and her sister), she's mostly happy, smiling, cartwheeling everywhere. I work a bit on the weekends so there are loads of examples of the current problem - the minute I get in the door she's sad and clingy.
I've seen the quote of something like you're their safe space, so they hold it in all day and let it out when you're there but it's so hard to deal with. DH has been fabulous at helping her through the last year (and working through her issues has meant lots of honest conversations), so I don't think she play acts happy for him, but it's exasperating for him to see his happy girl deflate when I get in.
I think it's important to validate feelings so if she ever says she's sad I give her support and reassurance, but in a 'validate it and move on' sort of way, rather than a 'lets sit for half an hour and discuss how sad you are' sort of way.
For instance, she's been doing swimming lessons for about 4 weeks now while I'm at work and while she wasn't keen to go initially had said she'd been enjoying it and according to DH looked happy enough. This Sunday I could go for the first time, she looked desperately sad the whole session and afterwards is saying she hates everything about it and doesn't want to go. It felt like she was sad because I was there as opposed to there being anything wrong with swimming?
I think it's unconscious on her part (I don't think she's playing us intentionally or anything), but would love to put a stop to it. It's really getting me down that I hear about how great and happy she's been all day, then I come home to sighing and sad faces/tears.
I'm currently having CBT for an unrelated issue and can see how it could potentially really help her, but also it's quite an effortful process (I'm engaged in getting over my issues but she's 10 and I'm not sure she'd be up for it), but wondered if there's anything DH and I can do with our behaviour?
I'm not sure I've explained that very well so thanks for sticking with me if you've got this far xx
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Child mental health
I seem to bring out the sadness in my anxious 10 year old DD
3 replies
Plipplops · 09/10/2019 11:53
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