Managing year 11 homework and mental health (possible ADD). Help!

[RedRug1972]

I'm re posting this as I posted in 'staffroom' and think it would be better here:

Hi, DD is in year 11 and I'm worried about her. I'm honestly very empathetic in real life, but for brevity's sake I'm going to summarise the issue in quite blunt terms rather than writea heart felt post.

DD suffers from low mood and is prone to self harm when overwhelmed. She is bright but part way through a CAMHS assessment for ADD (she's not got the 'H). I can't see this being finalised or any support being put in place any time soon so I'm trying to liaise with school and support DD without much guidance.

A main issue currently is that DD puts her head in the sand with homework and gets more and more behind. When I try to support her with routines, she will often say she has no work as she cannot face doing it. She is very, very anxious and when she's behind, not doing the homework is an avoidant behaviour rather than 'laziness'. She also misses loads of instructions as she zones out and not all teachers use their online platform.

On top of this, she often leaves key items at school so is unable to do the homework- there is plenty of work that cannot be done on line (eg art or practise papers/ booklets) plus she will say she has no homework / has everything she needs but this turns out not to be the case.

What on earth do I do? I'm now micro- managing her quite a bit as left to her own devices she did no work at home for ages.

In her darker moments I worry for her safety IYSWIM and so with this in the background, I am loathe to put any academic pressure on her and we absolutely are not pressuring her at all about grades.

Also, she does quite a few extra curricular things after school (eg dance) as these are her passions and seem to boost her mental health. She refuses to drop any of these but then is too tired for homework, even if she's remembered that she has it!

I'm just looking for some advice with these issues, really. Hope someone can help. She's struggling to get through the day as it is and homework is just a tipping point for her, it seems.

No advice, but loads of empathy. My dd sounds exactly the same as yours, y11, awaiting assessment for autism.
Mine refuses to go to school when she is overwhelmed and is utterly foul to everyone in the family permanently so is very isolated at home too.
I will watch this thread with interest.

Cathf, thank you for replying. I'm sorry to hear about your dd. good luck with the assessment process. We have the Jekyl and Hyde teen personality at the moment so she is sometimes fouls but not always!

I sometimes wonder if I should just ask the school not to give her any homework and take full responsibility for any impact on her GCSEs. I'm all for revision a bit closer to the GCSEs but I'm not sure I'm convinced it's in her interests to actually do the homework. Oh and she doesn't slepp well so is tired too- so a full day at school, then more and more work....

No, mine does not sleep either. She is often up all night - literally - and asleep all day. I think this might sometimes be the trigger for school refusal, as she just feels so tired, but she will never discuss the reason with me and just orders me out of her bedroom.
To top it all, she refuses to eat anything - and I do mean anything - I cook, and survives on snacks and junk food.
So a perfect storm for constant low mood really, and a never-ending vicious circle of strops and arguments.
My daughter is very much an 'all or nothing' person, so she plans to do six hours of revision each night (even though everyone has told her it's far too much) but when she fails do do the full six hours, says there's no point in doing anything at all.
All in all, a complete nightmare, and I can't help but wonder, even if we do get the autism diagnosis, then what?