preteen DS 'horrible thoughts' about death

[thewalrus]

Hello,
DS, in Y6, has started having 'horrible thoughts' about members of the family dying. They seem to come in 'waves', he'll suddenly be overwhelmed with them and start crying. It's been going on for a couple of weeks. It's only in the last few days he's been able to tell me what the thoughts are, as he didn't want to share them. It's happening several times a day and is very distressing for him (and obviously to a lesser extent for us).
I've done some online research etc, and we are trying containing visualisations (e.g. popping a balloon with the thoughts in), which helps a bit. Any other suggestions/comments/experiences?
I've found lots of resources for working with anxiety online, but not sure if it's quite the same thing.
DH experienced similar at a similar age, but that's a complication rather than a help as he found it very debilitating and had episodes of depression as a teenager and young adult.
Thanks for reading and for any advice.

I think that Mindfulness is a very powerful tool for young people. You can learn more about it by just googling the phrase "Mindfulness and preteens" or "Mindfulness and children"

It's a form of easy meditation and it's now being taught in schools in the UK.

Another important point is that of exercise and fresh air. Being in and around trees and nature is proven to improve mental health...does he get plenty of this? If he does get some, look at ways to increase it.

Diet...make sure he's eating a good diet with no processed foods...or few.

And online activity...has he been watching things which might have scared him?

Oh...and what I think he's experiencing are "intrusive thoughts" which are linked to anxiety and also to OCD.

childmind.org/article/how-to-help-kids-worried-about-bad-thoughts/

This link recommends Cognitive Behaviour Therapy which I have heard has great results.

Thanks for all your thoughts, HennyPenny.

Generally diet, exercise, sleep etc all good - he could definitely spend less time on screens though. As far as I know, he hasn't seen anything scary online (we have parental controls on and screens only available in main family room, though I realise this doesn't catch everything).

Due to my job, I've read a fair bit about OCD/anxiety in children, I think you're probably right that some of the same strategies will be helpful, I'd just like to know if there's any specific advice about this type of thought as I imagine it's fairly common.

Could it be a sort of separation anxiety? I remember a child in school with me (in the 70s!) having these thoughts that her Mum would die whilst she was at school. Horrible for them of course...is it related to separation anxiety do you think?

I have recently had a similar experience with my DS (9). Please go and see your GP. My DS has been diagnosed with OCD caused by anxiety. You should also speak to his school about anything that could be making him anxious. We've seen a child psychologist who has recommended using a 1 minute hourglass every time he has a bad thought. He has to wait until the sand has run through before he tells me what he's been thinking. Sometimes he has forgotten what it was by then. Good luck.

Also a slightly different perspective - not wanting to minimise at all, but dcs also need reassuring that it is normal to feel feelings. Especially re death - it is sad that loved ones die, and it is scary to think about that. But it's also important to keep that sadness and those fears in proportion. Grown ups feel sad and scared sometimes too, and these are some ways we cope with those feelings / we can reassure you that those feelings aren't there all the time. Philippa Perry's brilliant book explains about parents being a 'container' for children's feelings - important to name the feeling, and not be scared of acknowledging difficult feelings. www.amazon.co.uk/Book-Wish-Your-Parents-Children/dp/0241250994/ref=asc_df_0241250994/?hvlocphy=9046044&linkCode=df0&hvptwo&psc=1&psc=1&hvnetw=g&hvadid=310856639426&hvpone&hvlocint&th=1&hvpos=1o1&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl&hvqmt&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&hvtargid=aud-857761465096:pla-652389659738&hvrand=7564872970308954056

Thanks for the replies to this. I haven't been on here for ages - not least because DS' horrible thoughts stopped as suddenly as they started and he had been perfectly happy (within the normal ups and downs of life) ever since.

I second your recommendation, @soberish. It's a very useful book.