DS has anger and paranoia

[Smith888]

Hi I am not sure if DS is behaving ok or not. Please help.

DS 12 has has been bullied in two schools, failed by schools tbh as school staff helped initially and then didn't bother with follow up/ victim blamed when it got tough for them. He moved from overseas and feels terribly lonely. He has made friends at new school but never had them home. There are a lot of kids that say nasty things and he finds it difficult to cope. He asked us to move him to a private school and we have found one. He starts in Sept because he insisted he had to complete the year at his current school.

DS became so depressed last year after moving home and being bullied in primary yr 6 he contemplated suicide. HT, who didn't help much with bullying suggested psychotherapist which was fine for awhile and then DS said he no longer needed help. DS refuses any help as "help makes things worse" and in his case he's right it really hasn't brought change. DS was referred to YES (youth support) and put into a group self esteem building session but tbh the kids were in far worse situations that him. One boy was very nasty and rude - not what DS needed - so DS refused to attend again.

So lately my DS spends any time at home listening to meditation/ classical music as it soothes him. He freaked out last night as DH said he had to go to sleep. DS insists he can't sleep without the music. I went to calm him down and he was very rude so I told him off, he grabbed both of my wrists and squeezed them very tight. He said I was going to hit him. I'm concerned he's paranoid. For over a year if we go out he insists everyone is judging him. His Dad can't talk loudly as DS gets abnormally embarrassed. He tells my DH how to behave. He picks on his little brother all the time for behaving like a normal little boy. He says he feels no emotion towards us his family or friends. He has "no feelings", but he agrees he did use to have feelings before.

A month ago he said kids at school have been mocking him about being depressed (it's also turned out he's been unwell) and he was in a terrible state. He insists he is avoiding them and nothing is happening now but his behaviour suggests otherwise. He says he thinks a lot about how those kids are going to die.

DS was also referred to CAMHS a year ago. I have heard nothing. I have called and left messages but no reply....

DS is fine this morning, happy as can be, but if he behaves the way he does now he may not make friends at his new school. We do have a very long holiday planned but I'm not sure it's enough to bring back my lovely boy.

My DS has become very rude, almost having delusions of grandeur. He does not see me or DH as parents. He talks to us as his subordinates. He is mature beyond his years and very knowledgeable. He researches history every day as he wants to better himself. He is smart but it's all a bit excessive. He says he has to to show he's better than those mean kids.

Its possible he is autistic. It's also possible he's having a difficult puberty. But the paranoid comments and increasing anger have me more worried each day...

That sounds so complex and worrying, though part of it sounds like normal teenage emotions.

He needs to find his "tribe" maybe? What is he into hobbywise? He needs something positive in his life, find likeminded people, find something to do that he loves

Yes that's true, part of me thinks we should stay calm and let it be.

He says he has a recurring dream every night where he is surrounded by all the great leaders of the past who tell him he has to make the world a better place. Sometimes he is matter of fact about it and other times he cries because he says he feels overwhelmed by it. He says the world is dying because there is so much evil everywhere.

Talk to a GP about seeing a psychiatrist, if you feel he may have a serious mental health issue. So hard to know what to do, isn't it?

But at home, yes, stay calm but also he really needs to find other things to occupy himself with. Does he have hobbies/interests?

It is impossible to tell, from here, if he is just a bit attention-seeking and unhappy at school, or if it's more serious.

Hope it's nothing serious, but either way, it might be time to check (GP to refer to child psychologist or psychiatrist).

Poor boy, hope he's ok.

I hate to say this, as he is so young... you describing symptoms of schizophrenia. He needs a psychiatric assessment ASAP. I would even take this in with you to get this done. Meanwhile, why does a 12 year old have the power to call the shots in your family? What happens if you say not to him and tel him he’s being ridiculous and his demands are unreasonable, or you are the adults and he will do as he is told? Does he get violent? Does he shout? Throw tantrums? You have another child to protect.

Can you afford private assessment/therapy?

The NHS is absolutely falling apart for lack of funding, and in this instance I can't see you getting the help you need.

I would absolutely pay for it privately.

This all sounds incredibly worrying and I would be going to your GP and pushing very hard for a new referral... or go private if you can.

However, it sounds like he should be very fully and thoroughly assessed for ASD etc. before you get any therapy as without a diagnosis you would be unlikely to be getting the very targeted help you need.

He sounds like a child in a crisis and I would be taking it very seriously.

You could try contacting MIND, the mental health charity, to see if they have any advice.

Hi he was assessed for ASD awhile back by a private clinical psychologist. He has been through all the tests. Clinical Psych thought maybe 2pc Asperger. Nobody else agreed. He used to have diagnosis for dyslexia. He lost it after therapy. Teachers say absolutely no sign of learning disability so hard to tell.

I know about Schizophrenia, I think we are quite a way from that thankfully. My son is bossy buy he doesn't get away with it at all. To add to complexity of this he did have a friend who was suicidal who told him he should self harm (by banging head against wall - he has left thankfully) and another whose mum is a psychiatric nurse so they are both really interested in psychology etc they know all the mental issues etc.