My 13yo son is unwell

[WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat]

My 13yo son has just been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. He's been prescribed 20mg fluoxetine (Prozac) daily. I'm devastated. His Dr/paediatric psychologist says that his depression is not situational, it's purely chemical and neurological. It's causing some psychomotor retardation which manifests in and out of school.

To say I'm gutted is an understatement. I have a clinical background and also suffer from poor mental health myself and I just wish I'd done something about it sooner, when I had a hunch.

I work in emergency medicine and am frontline so see suicide after suicide, the most recent two being a 7yo and a 17yo. I'm literally TERRIFIED.

I just want to wrap him in cotton wool and spend 24/7 with him but not only would that not help, and my shift work wouldn't allow it, most importantly I know that would be the last thing he would want.

I'm truly at a loss as to what to do, he's just so closed off and distant, and so so sad. I don't know what I'm asking really, just for someone's perspective and possibly advice if they've been through similar. This is hard and scary and I don't know what else to say.

(If anyone knows me, please don't bring to rl)

All you can do really is provide lots of love unconditionally and support him. The prozac may have a very good effect. My dd had chemical/neurological depression rather than situational (not that any CAMHS or ED staff took that on board).

Is he having any talking therapies? Also, dd's neurological depression and anxiety were co-morbiditoes with undiagnosed AdHD and as soon as that was medicated the improvement was incredible. With private care it took us 8 months to reach that point however and it was dd who was certain there was an underlying iss which she though was ASD but in fact it was ADHD and as soon as it was diagnosed every piece of the jigsaw fell into place.

I have no experience as a parent but do have experience of undiagnosed childhood depression and anxiety. I found the cognitive effects particularly difficult to deal with. What I wish my parents would have done was take me seriously when I confided in them, took me to see a doctor and helped me make lifestyle changes. Your son is lucky to have you on side and it's great that you're seeking advice. This article is very helpful, particularly these practical tips:

Encouraging daily exercise (this does not have to include an organized sport. Family walks count.)

Supervising any medication (it’s too much to ask a depressed child to manage his own medication)

Make time to talk. Counseling will help your child begin to open up and verbalize feelings; it’s your job to listen and provide unconditional support when your child opens up at home.

Cook healthy meals. Healthy lifestyle choices can help with the treatment process.

Encourage healthy sleep habits

And

There are classroom accommodations that might benefit your child during this time.

Talk to the classroom teacher about the following:

Extended time for lengthy assignments and tests

Breaking down assignments into manageable pieces (this is particularly helpful for kids who appear “overwhelmed”)

Help to create study or homework schedules

Provide copy of class notes (helpful for impaired concentration)

Taking tests in a quiet room, free from distractions

www.psycom.net/childhood-depression

Thank you!

I'm trying so hard to love and support him. I'm probably becoming overbearing. (Not that I don't love and support him unconditionally anyway, but trying to show it).

The dr has said that because he is so deeply depressed and non reactive at present that he doesn't think counselling/talking therapies will be beneficial right now, as there's nothing concrete to work through also, but that hopefully in a couple of months, therapy might become a viable option.

His Dr wants to see him every 6 days just now.

Thank you @Jiggies - I've spoken to the school and they are putting exactly some of those processes in place

We have the healthy eating in hand, the exercise is proving difficult to get him to do. He's completely given up soccer which was his life, and even getting him out of his room is a challenge.

I'd hate to think that he would ever think I don't take him seriously. MH is at the forefront of my mind at the best of times, so when it's my own it's mind blowing but something I know I have to take seriously. It's just really really hard.

This sounds really hard. You sound like you're doing everything you can. As pp's have said taking him seriously is important, which you have done. It sounds like you need to be careful about your own mental health. Is their a real life or online support group for parents of children with mental health issues? You mentioned that you work in emergency medicine. I think you need to let your manager know what is going on. I know you probably don't get to pick what you work on as I'm sure it's very busy. But even if you could just make sure you get time out after dealing with a attempted suicide or mental health related patient.

Dd had cbt at 13 then went on fluoxetine at 14. The first 4-6 weeks is when we told she needed extra monitoring but after that it did help reduce anxiety. She came off it at 18 thanks to her patient gp

My heart goes out to you OP. I was going to use your name but the long version is a bit, well, long; and calling you Coat seems a bit much.

My DS was diagnosed with depression and generalised anxiety disorder at about the same age and put on 20mg fluoxetine. This was after treatment with EMDR for PTSD and unfortunately just as OCD took hold. His dose was upped to 40mg when he both grew and became suicidal at 15. Now at 16.5 he is so much better but I do think the exposure therapy and CBT he had for the OCD really helped.

The number of diagnoses is not my point. The point is that time and medication and treatment with the right therapy at the right time did help.

How are you coping? Blaming yourself isn’t helpful but I get the impulse. Been there and probably will be again. Think of yourself too if you can. I know you said you didn’t want anyone who recognised you to bring it up in RL but do you have anyone to talk to other than here?

Please do not take this as a flippant response, it isn't meant that way and I can't imagine being in your situation. That said, I do suffer from depression and have over the past 6 months found that having a dog has helped massively. Knowing that I have to care for dog means I have to get up, walking has helped massively, and the unconditional affection from dog has changed my world. Could this help him maybe?

I'll try to answer everyone but my short term memory is shot due to stress.

Firstly, thank you for considering my MH, I know I need to be well to be there for my son (and other three sons for that matter). I won't pretend I'm not suffering but I'm dealing as best as I can. My managers are aware. I have no choice but to be front line for incidents, but I have been able to debrief after the young suicides.

Sorry, I'll finish this now and answer again.

I'm glad to hear that there have been success stories with fluoxetine. I was nervous to start him on meds, but considering the possible alternatives made it a no brainer.

We have two dogs who he adores. I think they give him a lot of comfort. Possibly asking him to be responsible for maybe one walk might give him a purpose without too much pressure? Knowing we would do it if he couldn't?

Sorry my name is so ridiculous - it's been mine for a while and I'm used to it, Coat is fine.

I'm coping ok. Mainly by smoking again when I shouldn't be. And I do blame myself - are my faulty genes the reason I've broken him? Rationally I know it's not my actual fault, but it's hard.

Dd is 13...she has asd and just been dx with eupd.... hasn't been at school for months at the moment just about coping with 30 seconds in school office a day to collect work. She has 'expressed a desire to end her life' she self harms is on anti depressants is just so so sad all the time. It's absolutely draining all the time.
I am so scared for her future, one she says she dosn't want anyway...

It's really good that your GP is being proactuve. Has there been a CAMHS referral for specialist suppirt. Where I live they are beyind unhelpful but that isn't the case everywhere and the sooner he's in their system the better as waits can be long.

As others have said it's also important to look after yourself as well. May I venture that if there is a CAMHS referral that it's very important to document every interraction with them and to put in writing everything they offfer confirming timeframes.

@twinkletoedelephant I'm so sorry to hear your daughter is so unwell. I really hope you both get the help you need.

I'm in Australia so no camhs here.

I would put a monitor in place for him everywhere. At school, his teachers can be there to keep an eye on him, at home he has you. And make sure that for the next few months he is being supervised given what you have described. Bedroom checks without him knowing that sort of thing. I would also be minded to keep an eye on his internet use and sites that he visits. He needs a safety net at the moment.

Can you buy him a pet? Something to love like a dog? This made a huge difference to me.

Also his brothers may be able to help in a way that you can’t. Take him for a run or to watch a film.

He needs reminding daily that he wont always feel this way.

Goes with out saying keeping stress and discord to an absolute minimum at home.

for you - I am sorry you are all going through this.

I am sorry. It so horrible when it is our children. We just want to wrap them up and make it better.

It sounds like you are doing all the right things. The good news is that you KNOW what’s going on. So many teens manage to hide depression and potential suicidal thoughts from friends and family.