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Toddler self harm please help

2 replies

lightbulbooo · 10/02/2019 01:28

I'm absolutely terrified for my DD2. She is almost 3yo and is the most amazing and loving child but she's recently started with some really worrying behaviour and honestly I'm struggling to deal with it.
She has started to go into insane fits of rage that can last anything from 30 mins to an hour and half. She screams constantly non stop, it's not just a tantrum scream it's a blood curdling scream. She hits herself on the head, scratches her face, pulls chunks of hair out and bites her hands and arms. Yesterday she broke the skin on her hand and was bleeding from her bites.
She wont be consoled or comforted and if you try to touch her or restrain her she stiffenes and fights and collapses to the floor. It's very intense and not like any normal tantrum I've ever seen before. There doesn't seem to be one specific thing that triggers it and it's not related to one specific person or place. It's happened with grandparents and with me and in lots of different places and times.
Yesterdays episode was because we had ran out of tomatoes so she couldn't have any with her lunch. A few days before was because she wanted to take the dog into her nanas house but I had to take him to the vets. A few times it's been because of the general stresses of getting ready for the school run to take her big sister to school or pick her up. With her nana it was because she didn't want to get in the buggy to go to the supermarket.
She stranges thing is how quickly she snaps out of it. She can go from full blown psycho rage to "I'm happy now" in literally just one second with nothing in particular that pulls her out of it.
The only thing I have ever experienced that I can liken it to is a night terror, but during the day. Seems to be triggered by any stressful situation (to a two year old).
When she snaps out of it she is absolutely exhausted and just wants to cuddle and goes to sleep.
She isn't stunted developmentally, she is actually quite advanced with speaking and communicating in general and doesn't have any autistic traits. Shes very chatty and friendly with people.
I've tried just ignoring it and waiting it out but the self harming is getting quite serious so I've had to start restraining her sometimes. I've tried offering cuddles and food and tried distraction and absolutely nothing will bring her out of it until she decides it's time.
It's really starting to worry me and I was wondering if anyone else had experienced anything similar?
She has a doctors appointment booked but its still two weeks away.
I'm sorry for such a long post xx

OP posts:
Isadora2007 · 10/02/2019 01:47

It sounds quite normal to me. All you can really do is try to keep her safe (provide soft area to safely throw herself around in or restrain calmly while repeating something soothing over and over. Perhaps as she is quite bright her intelligence is ahead of her emotional development so she is almost expecting too much of herself or others could be. It could just be that she cannot manage the very strong emotions sometimes. I remember one of my daughters being similar at this age and I was pregnant too so I just lay next to her and howled as well one day.
It certainly isn’t a mental health issue. But look up Janet Lansbury blog posts and gentle parenting websites to help you to help her with her emotion-based development and language. And try not to worry or over-react. She need you to reassure her that her feelings may be overwhelming to her but that you can and will cope.

Oceanbliss · 10/02/2019 02:02

Agree with Isadora2007. If your firstborn wasn't like that then I can understand why you're a bit shocked and concerned. Every child has their own unique temperament and personality traits.

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