11 year old panic attack. Now, please help.

[MotherOfATeenApprenticeActuary]

My 11 year old DS (year 7) is currently in his second massive panic attack of 24 hours. I’ve not abandoned him to post here his beloved adult brother has him cuddled up in a duvet on the sofa whilst I panic post on here from the kitchen.

He’s always been a very anxious boy and I think a nasty batch of bullying last week (he was chocked by a bigger boy in the pool and his head put under the water. He was unable to breathe and it scared him stupid). I think this has set him up and a series of triggers over the weekend escalated it for him. Last night he was unable to speak, terrified, hyper ventilating until very late when it all sorted itself out. I talked to him that everything was fine and gave him big hugs.

He’s the same now, I have a feeling worrying about it happening again has made it happen again. Non verbal, rocking, hyperventilating and terrified but of nothing specific, What can I do, he looks so scared and I can’t bear if for him. Holding it together for him though obviously. Please help, what can I do?

Grounding exercise.
Deep slow breath in, and slow breath out.
Repeat
Name 5 things can see
4 things can hear
3 things can touch
Deep breath in and slowwwwwwly out

I have no experience so this may be useless advice but can you cuddle him and breathe slowly and deeply in an attempt to get him to do the same. Get him to imagine blowing bubbles out slowly so his breathing slows down?

5 things he can see
4 things he can feel
3 things he can hear
2 things he can smell
1 thing to focus on.
Tell him to do this in his mind first, then verbalize when he is ready.

Some also find rubbing the triceps with opposite arms, up and down is grounding.

Breathe in for two counts shorter than breathing out. Start with in for 3 and out for 5, then gradually increase.

My dd finds this book helpful when she finds anxiety is building as a way of nipping it in the bud
www.amazon.co.uk/No-Worries-Mindful-Kids-sometimes/dp/1787410870?tag=mumsnetforum-21

I found the following advice on the nhs site. This is written as if to the person having the attack but will still work for your son.

"Panic attacks always pass and the symptoms are not a sign of anything harmful happening," he says. "Tell yourself that the symptoms you're experiencing are caused by anxiety."

He says don't look for distractions. "Ride out the attack. Try to keep doing things. If possible, don't leave the situation until the anxiety has subsided."

"Confront your fear. If you don't run away from it, you're giving yourself a chance to discover that nothing's going to happen."

As the anxiety begins to pass, start to focus on your surroundings and continue to do what you were doing before.

"If you're having a short, sudden panic attack, it can be helpful to have someone with you, reassuring you that it will pass and the symptoms are nothing to worry about," says Professor Salkovskis.

Breathing exercise for panic attacks
If you're breathing quickly during a panic attack, doing a breathing exercise can ease your other symptoms. Try this:

Breathe in as slowly, deeply and gently as you can, through your nose.
Breathe out slowly, deeply and gently through your mouth.
Some people find it helpful to count steadily from 1 to 5 on each in-breath and each out-breath.
Close your eyes and focus on your breathing.
You should start to feel better in a few minutes. You may feel tired afterwards.

Visit the No Panic website for another breathing exercise to calm panic.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/coping-with-panic-attacks/

Paper bag can help as it focuses the breathing in and out (fill the bag then empty it slowly). It’s the shallow breathing that is the immediate problem.

Try to distract him to being him out of the attack - get him to make eye contact and try to hold it. You could ask him to write down what he is feeling - this takes rue focus from internal to external.

He will feel drained and exhausted (probably lightheaded too) when he starts to calm down.

Bastard bullies.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. The five things is very helpful, he is trying his best but I know personally how you can feel so stuck in the feeling. I've been doing the hugging and slow breathing as it worked last night but not so much today yet.

Going now as being on the internet not helping him even if it helps me. will be back.

Bless him -sending you 💐🍫☕️
You can self refer to mind.

Just wanted to send positive thoughts your way. Hope he is feeling better soon and

Lots of good advice already about calming his breathing.

Take him to the GP.

My DS found counting helpful - count the windows in the room, count the books in the room etc. That and telling himself it was a panic attack and would pass.

It's an exhausting time of year. My younger DS has woken in the night sobbing two nights on the trot, and slept with his light on. Roll on the holiday.

Oh yeah - I find it really helps my dd if I quiz her on her times tables! Any school facts he needs to learn that you could use3?

CHUGGING A MIINI CAN OF LEMONADE! His big brother gave him a can and dared him to chug it as a distraction but it was like turning a switch. The cold and fizzy must have hit the right spot. That or the giant burp it caused.

The counting 5 things etc was brilliant, going to have a proper look at everything you've all posted. GP appointment will be made ASAP, he's been such an anxious little boy his whole life but never like this. It's funny because to look at him he is the golden child, clever, sporty, popular but on the inside he is just scared of his shadow.

Smart brother! Distraction and some sugar. Good lad.

He is an excellent big brother although I think contributing to some of the unease as he's back from uni for Christmas which is another 'change' to add to the tippy tippy scales. Amazingly for a teen with ASD and some other issues he is one of the most empathic people I've ever met, don't know how I'd have done the evening without him.

He was off school today (up until midnight the night before panicking) but want to send him tomorrow before that gets built into a big thing. I have a small plan if anyone wants to tell me if it would work? I'm going to drive him in so he doesn't have the stress of the bus. Talk to his head of year if possible, the school is normally amazing and/or the SENCO who looked after his older brother all through school and is wonderful. I've told him to go to the school nurse if he starts to panic (he brought up the possibility, I didn't want to put it in his head!) but he won't leave a lesson because he won't like people looking at him. I've said I'll do him a little note he can show to the teacher explaining he's having a panic but he's not keen on the idea.

Times tables is a brilliant idea Crapper, will definitely work that in next time (fingers crossed there isn't one but I'm guessing this will be a thing for now).

Just re-reading the thread as there is so much great info on here (DS is in a lovely soothing bath before bed). The Mind website is excellent, we live pretty rurally so not sure there will be a therapist round here but will have a good search. Bought the book, he did try and write and draw a picture as suggested but got swept off by another big wave of whatever it is courses through you (adrenaline? I don't like it anyway.)

If the bullying is happening at school then I would not send him in. I would suggest that he needs some help from the GP. Yes it's useful to face your fears but in a safe and controlled manner. Not by putting yourself into a situation where you feel unsafe and out of control, that will make things worse.

My DS has some anxiety issues and school have given him an SOS card. He can show it any lesson and can leave without question to go to the pastoral office. Having it is enough and he’s only used it once in 3 terms.

Maybe ask the school if they something similar. I’m sorry for you and your DS. It’s horrible to see them going through it

I would suggest looking at some mindfulness or meditation videos on YouTube for children. I find meditation videos extremely useful for helping me to manage anxiety.

My heart is thumping but it does that when I run past, I am ok. My face feels hot but it does when I'm in the sun, I am ok. Etc God, hope he's OK poor thing.

The Calm app has a free breathing feature. I used it myself, and have used it on a few teens at work, who have found it helpful.

This may sound silly but lying on your back with your legs in the air (easier resting them along a wall) really helps get my racing heart under control after a few minutes.

There are lots of calming audio apps - my DD got into them when she was struggling at the poing of going to sleep / scared of the dark , and they help her by giving her mind something else to think about . Not sure if they would work in a full blown attack but worth a try- as would maybe listening to music ? That helped a teen I dealt with at school a couple of times who had severe attacks. Also I found some helpful thoughts online to discuss in a calm moment about what is going on during an attack- which helped DD as she is a very rational practical sort most of the time. It said that your body has tipped into a physical panic mode for whatever reason and then your mind listens to your body and follows it into that panic, and now your body is responding to the panic in your mind and round it goes , the physical and mental states reinforcing each other. It suggested forcibly uncurling, stretching out, breathing deeply help because they break the feedback loop. ‘How can I be afraid if I have an open posture?’ ‘ How can I be afraid if my breathing is slow?’.

Op, do you keep switching names?

Glad you (both of you) have found a solution.

Noo, not swapping names (now totally outed myself - who in this world has a teenager who wants to be an actuary, not many bloody people that's who!)

Thank you for all your help, I've finally (hopefully) got him settled after the lovely soothing bath tipped into another of the bloody things. I don't have anyone else to talk to right now so you lot are my saviours!

The bullying isn't occurring at school, it was but he's gone to a different secondary to the bully and is flying at school finally, really loving it, he's anxious to get back and see his friends thankfully. The bully is at a club we attend out of school where I would say sod it and not go back but DS is actually a national champion at our somewhat niche sport so would be a bit cutting your nose off give up. Trust me the bully and/or parent of same won't be leaving either so it's just one of those stupid horrible things you have to put up with when you live somewhere there aren't a lot of people. That sounds shit doesn't it, I should really keep him away from it but he's a double national champion which considering how he lives in a permanent state of anxiety is absolutely amazing and gives him some confidence. He channels his anxiety into performance and he has a LOT of anxiety!

I like the tipping upside down idea, he was actually trying a few yoga shoulder stands when he was really panicking but didn't have the puff, I'll get my roll thing out if he needs it and prop him up a wall.

I'll get him some apps, even if they don't work when full blown they'll probably reduce the risk of a repeat and make the challenging bedtime moment easier.

Thank you, typing it all out is reducing my heart-rate too. I think I've done my best to suck out all the scared into me!