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Dd14 self harming but doesn't want help

1 reply

pasanda · 17/12/2018 13:54

My dd is self harming and has been for a year I think. It has got worse over the last few months and a couple weeks ago she showed me a really deep cut on her arm that she was worried was infected. It wasn't, but it lead me to contact camhs who saw her within 5 days.

She refused to attend the appointment until the morning it was on, then reluctantly came. Said it did nothing to help (to be fair it was just an assessment) and has pretty much told me she doesn't want any help. She doesn't want to stop cutting. She believes she is in control of it and could stop if she wanted to. I have read stuff where she says she hates anyone 'caring'.

It is so hard. She is a troubled, angry teen who so desperately needs help.

But what can I do when she refuses to engage? She would not sign consent at camhs for either her school or her father to know she went. So it's down to me. Which is fine but I am starting to feel real anxiety every day and my heart is palpating ALL the time. I have friends and parents I talk to but really, all I want is for her to access help.

Anyone else had this?

OP posts:
Papergirl1968 · 17/12/2018 23:20

I wish I had some answers for you, pasanda.
My dd, also 14, adopted, lots of issues, has been cutting her arm for a few months.
She goes to cahms three times a week but I don’t know how much it helps, to be honest. I don’t thing she engages very much. She has however been prescribed a low dose of an anti psychotic drug, as she said she was hearing the voice of the devil who told her to do it. It’s early days so not sure if there’s any improvement yet. It’s also possible my dd self harms for attention and as a form of emotional blackmail. And self harm is quite fashionable these days. Not to be flippant, but it seems to be not unusual among girls of this age.
I think you need to tell school and her father with or without her consent to be honest, so they can keep an eye on her while she’s in their care.
The Young Minds website has advice for young people who self harm and parents, and definitely worth a look.
Take care of yourself too because it’s stressful and exhausting, worrying about them and having to be vigilant - offload if you can to a trusted friend or relative Flowers

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