Aspergers

[Doofy]

So after 5 years of mental health referrals and fighting my 12 year old daughter has been diagnosed as ASD aspergers. Just wanted to hear from other parents and how you cope? I've always found her behaviour challenging and difficult to cope with. I'm not going to use this as an excuse for any bad behaviour but I feel totally out of my depth

Get in contact with local or national ASD/ aspergers charities/ organisations. The national autistic society website is a good starting point

Well done for sticking through everything. Littleguggi makes a good point - the national autistic society has some brilliant strategies for coping and they also have an autism helpline! The Special Needs Jungle is also a very good point of call for discussing coping strategies with other parents. There are lots of support networks which can help, I hope you find some useful coping strategies.

Girl with the curly hair on Facebook/ website has good advice/ books etc

Thank you I'll certainly look into those x

I second well done - girls are so often not diagnosed and then develop secondary MH conditions that cannot be successfully treated because of this underlying cause.

My DS was diagnosed when he was 9, it's not been easy but I've learned that you sometimes need to take a step back & let them get on with it. I found meltdowns the hardest thing to deal with, when your child is laid on the floor screaming, bashing their head on the floor or is hitting & kicking you it's hard not to react, you need to be picking up cues that your child is heading for a meltdown, 9 times out of 10 it's when their senses are overloaded, my DS used to meltdown when he came home from school, he had kept a lid on his emotions all day at school all day & was like a bottle of pop that had been shook up, take the top off & it will go everywhere. I learned to not expect too much from him for a couple of hours after school, it was best to go home & let him chill & calm down, he would often go off to his room & play or even fall asleep. I would leave getting tea until he had calmed down, give him a drink & a snack on the way home as when his blood sugar dropped his behaviour dropped as well. Bedtime was also a battle, some nights he was still running wild at midnight, he didn't sleep at all some nights, the worse night I had with him, the less chance of me getting him to school the next day & if I got him to school, he would collapse when he came home the next night, fall asleep, wake up at midnight & be running around all night. The only way I managed was to try & have a strict routine, from 7.00 things quietening down, no video games or electronics, dimming the lights, pjs, reading a book, a hot drink. It was harder in summer, the light nights were murder. It's all trial & error you just have to find what works best for you & your child, go on the newly diagnosed parents courses if your hospital does them, make use of the autism team for support at school, talk to other parents of autistic children.

Thank you for your support everyone and @nat6999 my dd is the same at school and pops when she is home, thank you for your advice, hopefully I'll notice her triggers more xx

My son was diagnosed at twelve too, he is 15 now. He used to have the most appalling violent meltdowns but that has completely stopped now.

This was in part thanks to camhs doing some CBT using a traffic light system where he was encouraged to stop, think and do. Also some work with him on anxiety which was the driving factor behind them.

I also read the explosive child and stopped punishing him for his meltdowns, recognising that as he was overwhelmed with remorse after because he already knew it was wrong, but at that point in time could not stop himself. Instead we worked in him being able to recognise on a scale of one to ten how anxious he was feeling and also worked on ways for him to self soothe and eventually take responsibility for that.

We have other problems now, and although his meltdowns stopped his anxiety actually worsened and he is on medication. But the meltdowns were horrendous so I feel that his other issues, although bad, are not as stressful to deal with.

Does your local authority have an autism team? I attended a course run by them which was very helpful, and they also did some one to one work with both me and my son.

I would also say 'pick your battles' is an even more apt phrase with an autistic child. So ds has to go to camhs appointments without fail but does not always have to tidy up his room if he has had a stressful day.

And you are not out of your depth. You have been parenting a child with autism for twelve years already. It's hard but it is a bit easier with a diagnosis. I find people take me more seriously when I say DS can't cope with things.

And don't be afraid to ask for adjustments. I had to ask if there was a spare room we could wait in in A and E once because DS was really struggling in the waiting room. The staff couldn't have been nicer and I think it's good to show DS that it's ok to say I can't cope with this, I need an adjustment to be able to do it. It's what he's going to have to do for the rest of his life.

My son is 6 and I am growing increasingly concerned that he is showing asd traits - I think would be aspergers. Can I ask how you started the diagnosis timeline? Did you speak to his school first or the doctors? I think his school will think I am bonkers as he functions ok at school - he's a very able child and I think he is masking at school.

Hi, yes that's how my daughter started. Kept it all very quiet at school and exploded at home. It's been a long journey, starting with doctors, and I got the school involved after a while who helped me with refferals to Cahms. It's not an easy journey but you know your child. Don't give up

Does anyone know any main stream aspergers friendly secondary schools in Havering? Thanks