Again, why do people assume the worst-case scenario or spout opinions about which I have not provided information?
I came to use Mumsnet for support yet all I have so far received is criticism from people assuming facts. Why not assume I am a reasonable parent and only allow my children at houses of known people. Why not assume the child is accompanied to their friends house? Why not ask for information if you are having to make assumptions?
- The house our child was at is a house of a close friend and was part of a pre-arranged visit.
- He is accompanied when visiting friends’ houses.
- Visits are pre-arranged and as parents we confirm when children have arrived if they are visiting a house alone that is a visible walk away, or if the older children are given responsibility to walk alone to a house out of eye-sight.
- We live on a closed parkway where houses are visible around a green.
If you had read the thread you would understand why we chose tonfirst approach the wife. I do not want confrontation, arriving at someone’s door with our child to potentially make the situation worse.
Mumsnet appears to have fallen foul of allowing anonymity to create a culture of small-minded bullies.
My original post is regarding a situation that has occurred, I was not asking for advice on the reasons for it occurring. You may state that the circumstances are related but they are not. A neighbour visiting another house, or even my house, is something that is impossible to safe guard against unless we do not open the doors. But it is not this that I asked for help regarding.
I placed the post in this mental health related topic because that is the closest the topic search suggested.
We as a family have been through a year of deaths, cancer diagnosis and trauma. Unrelated to simply allowing our children to play at friends houses, I feel the need to say that because I imagine I am lining myself up for yet more criticism: “why is your child away from your side if you have had such trauma” etc.
My child’s mental health is sensitive as it stands, without this altercation occurring. When considering what tonshare in the post, I had thought to myself “surely I don’t need to go into all the nooks and crannies of our lives because Mumsnet is a place of support, where I will be given the benefit of the doubt”.
How wrong I was.
Unfortunately, because Mumsnet is anonymous the replies you get are close to bullying. But it doesn’t need to be like this. Because of my cancer diagnosis I have been a member of a closed Facebook group, where people bare their real names and it therefore attracts honest decent people that do not hide behind pseudonyms. Just in the same way that people these days get caught out for fat-shaming or criticising people’s lifestyles, I too am calling out those of you that replied as small minded bullies.
You can reply with what you want, I shan’t be reading it because after posting this message I will be deleting my Mumsnet account (or disabling/changing my email to a dummy address or equivalent).
I hope, but doubt, you are open-minded enough to read this and step back from your plastic courtroom of an office chair and think to yourself “jeeez, that poor family are dealing with a lot and had just asked for a little bit of advice in the face of starting to get their lives back together to then have to suffer the stupidity of an adult that sees fit to accuse their child of stealing without first asking the children to explain what has happened”.
I regret ever thinking Mumsnet was a place where parents come to help one another and realise all those reports I read regarding it’s bully-culture are correct.
Goodbye, I hope you are sitting there with a smug look on your face, pleased in the knowledge that you have contributed to me stepping ever so slightly further back from recovering.
You won. If you weren’t intending on winning, then you proved to me that I am approaching the situation incorrectlyand I should parent my children completely differently.
Cheers!