12 dd self harm

[allthingsred]

I've just found out my 12yo dd has been self harming.
I noticed some scratches on her arms the other day & when asked she said it had happened when she picked up our pets
But today her arms are shredded & tonight she admitted to doing it to herself.
She is a bright popular beautiful girl but she says that when she looks in the mirror she hates herself, shes worried that no one likes her, she feels like people dont listen to her & at home she feels lonley.
I'm just devastated that I didn't see how unhappy she is. At home it's true she is in her room a lot. But I'm constantly asking her to put her phone down & come join in with whatever is happening. I also try to spend 1 on 1 time with her, but she usually just spends the minimal amount of time with me before going out to meet her friends or back on her phone.
As for how she feels about herself. As I said she is genuinely a beautiful kind lovely girl. She's always rushing to meet someone I don't understand how she can not see what the people around her do.
I'm worried & scared & have no clue what to do.

Also during the course of our chat today, it turns out there is a lot of people in her year at school doing the same thing. Her best friend one of them. I don't know if other parents or the school know.
It's made my concerns bigger. I'm genuinely blown away I had no clue she was feeling this way there was no hint at all.
It's scary the amount of people she told me has been or had been doing this at the school I'm worried that all these kids talking to each other is that where she's got the idea to do it from.
Sorry if I sound niave. But where do I begin to help her? Also do I bring up the others to the school? Will the school be bothered with only 2 days left til the end of term? Some of the parents of kids mentioned i know. My dd as begged me not to say anything to them as she will lose her friends but I feel that they should know, except I don't want to add to my dd mental health pressure when her friends all fall out with her for 'telling'

Please no negative comments i need some advice on how to help my dd.

It’s used as a release to get rid of thoughts and what she can’t control. Hormones and others chatting around her about it won’t help. Get her off her phone keep her busy and get a good open two way convo continually going. If your working find some really good activity days for her, if she won’t leave her phone I would be tempted to give it a accidental breakdown which it needs to go away for a few weeks repair. Be there and listen xx

I get the release thing. & have worked with teens that self harm in the past. I just honestly had no idea she was feeling so bad.
She is so popular always laughing with her friends.
I want to take the phone away but don't want to seem like she's being punished for being honest.
Turns out the day she did this to herself her best friend sent her pics of her arms where she had done it.
My dd did it after getting this message, she said seeing what her friend did made her feel useless that she couldn't help her or get her to listen.

Don’t let her think your punishing her let her believe it’s broken, remove battery or if apple take sim out. Act a little dumb saying you don’t know but will get someone to look at. This will create some space away from friends during hols where you can open talks. She probably doing it as friends have and she wants to be the same. Being a individual is hard at this age but that’s what you need to build her up on.