My family hates me and it's making me miserable

[Pastelpilots]

Hey, before I start this I'm not a mum I'm a teenager but I'm posting it here because maybe other adults would be able to give advice. [ ] I have had mental health issues for almost 3 years now (im 14 now) and It's been awful. They still don't know what it is because first they said it's Severe depression then they said it's psychosis and then a personality disorder and atm they're testing for autism. Anyway, during the second year I developed an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and self harm because I had no other ways too cope but from doing that as I didn't have any friends at the time as well and couldn't talk to my family or my mental health services because I didn't feel I could tell anyone or talk too anyone at all. My family knew about the self harm but not the alcohol and too cut a long story short a bottle fell out of my school bag one day and they phoned home. Short after that I started working with an alcohol worker and all that and during that time my relationship with my family dropped. They stopped spending so much time with me and I mostly spent my days after school and the weekend by myself in my room alone crying mostly. They always spent time with my brother and any moment they could they would make comments like "juvenile alcoholic" "I hate you" "fruit loop" "your really messed up in the head" and it really hurt me. After that I started having these uncontrollable angry outbursts where I would hurt them (not severely like a punch) or break items in the house and I would get so angry it would take days to cool down. It was weird because it was like id be depressed and then all of a sudden i could feel the anger coming on and I would not be able to stop it and it would take me days to calm down. The anger would get me arrested multiple times because the police would come to the house and try and restrain me to calm me down but it just made me highly anxious and petrified so I'd hit them to try and get them to let me go. Shortly after that I got arrested again but my parents didn't come too pick me up from custody because they couldnt handle me and I ended up in care for 2 months. It was awful and I got treated like rubbish there and they kept moving me from place to place because I was the same and the houses couldnt handle me. They then said everywhere was full exept for a place 6 hours away so I had to go and live back home. I got on with my parents for 2 weeks and then it started again but it wasn't me who was starting it. My mum would just randomly chip at me and say really unnecessary things. Like I was moving a dvd player up to my room because a friend was coming round (as I made a new group of friends) and she was like "your doing this on purpose to piss everyone off I'm trying to eat here and your picking up your dvd player" like wth and I told her too please leave me alone but she wouldnt leave it. And a different friend came round another day she asked what we both wanted for breakfast and we both said toast please just butter nothing else and my mum knows I hate jam she did my mates what we both wanted and loads of jam on mine brought it up and I said Im sorry but I can't eat it you know I dont like jam and she passed the plate to my mate and then shouted "I dont effing care too bad you get what your given" and threw my plate at the floor and slammed my door. I even asked what her problem was with me and she went, "You've ruined all of our lives, you've made everyone here very ill and your father almost lost his job because you stressed hin out all the time, your brother was petrified of you and had to put a lock on his door (which he wasn't he is 4 years older than me double the size of me, goes to the gym daily and I even heard him saying he put a lock on the door back when I had my drinking problem so I wouldn't steal his alcohol because he doesn't want them to go missing for when he drinks w/ his mates)" I haven't been arrested in months but instead I end up having mental breakdowns where I wont be able to stop crying and Ill just say to my mum and dad please I need to talk to u guys all I want is someone to get this weight off my shoulders and my mum will just go "stop your stressing me out, I'd rather you kick off than do this, shut up, I'm not listening just take ur medication" (I have a medication i can take that pretty much sedates me when I get highly agitated or anxious/upset but it will send me to sleep for at least 15 hours) and my dad will just say "im not listening go away" and walk off. Either a mental breakdown or either we will all be getting on ok and out of the blue one of the 3 will say something nasty to rlly upset and agitate me and ill say "thats very unnecessary I don't appreciate that" and they'll all go "subject closed now why you still going on about it, stop being argumentative" too p me off. It's my brothers birthday tomorrow and I spent 3 hours making a beautiful gift that i even showed my mum and it made her cry with happy tears. And then she has the flipping courage to go to me 3 hours later your acting like a tit again (i was just a little spaced out and sad) don't ruin his birthday tomorrow for the love of god like you ruin everything even though she and dad made me cry on my 13th. Even my brother was sat there and went your pissing me off. Part of me just wants to throw that present in the bin as they obviously don't deserve it but another part of me wants to prove that I'm a nice person and it will make them feel bad the way theve treated me. I feel so outnumbered as its 3 of them against me like my mum can say something horrible and unfair and they will just take her side and if I tell soneone deny the absolute truth. We are starting family therapy but god knows if that will work. And I feel they know I'm vulnerable and get easily upset and scared. What the hell do I do?

Oh chicken, that sounds awful. Do you tell people about what they say? Why not show your key worker or the senco at school what yo wrote?

I'm very sorry to hear you are going through this! You need to talk to someone who you trust about this. Is there a teacher or support worker at your school who you could tell all this to?

Oh sweetheart i am so sorry you are having such a hard time. You do not deserve any of this and it is absolutely not your fault.
Do you have a soc worker or support worker who can help. Your family should be 100% behind you but sadly some families are unable to provide what their chilld needs and yours is obviously one of them.
I am a foster carer and so sorry you were not able to allow yourself to settle anywhere. It will be hsrd for you to trust anyone to meet your emotional needs but there are people who would give you a stable homelife .
There are many children and young people in your position i am sad to say so you are not alone.
And please , please speak to someone to get all the help you can and never forget that non of this is because of you. It does not mean you are worthless , unloveable or a failure. Of course you are not perfect as non of us are but you do not deserve any of this. You sound a lovely, thoughtful person .
Keep talking on here if it helps. Check out the stately homes thread on here . It will open your eyes to others similar experiences and i hope things start to improve for you xxx

Darling, I’m sorry it’s that hard for you. You come across as an articulate, intelligent and troubled teenager.
Believe it or not, this will pass. It’s not final, it’s not the rest of your life. It’s hard, I can hear you.
During teenage years your brain goes through the most complex, amazing and tumultuous changes. It would be hard even without your underlying health problems. The brain is complex and we don’t know anywhere near enough about it. Alcohol and drugs at this age have a big impact on the brain, hence your family and career’s concerns.

Now, practically, what you can do:
Wake up and have a shower. It’s important, YOU’re looking after yourself, even if you feel the others aren’t.
Try and fit a quick run once a day. It doesn’t matter if it’s 5-10-15-30 minutes, whatever you can.
Practice mindfulness. There are apps that you can use. Mindfulness does this: say you’ve just had a row with your mum about the jam. Imagine the row as a cloud. Just look at it drift away, the blue sky is still there, the cloud is still there, and you watch it being taken away by the wind. Don’t do anything about it, just watch the storm cloud drift into the distance. Breathing is also important. When you swim, if you don’t know how to breathe properly, you tire and make a hash out of it. But if you breathe every other stroke, you find a rythm. That’s what mindfulness is all about, try it.

But most of all, know you are not alone in this and this too shall pass.

Oh love,this sounds really tough. I’m sorry you aren’t getting the support you need from your family.

I agree that you should talk to an adult you trust about what’s going on.

Keep posting here as you will receive lots of support. X

Hi Pastel.
How are you doing? I have had you on my mind since i read your post so wanted to just send a virtual hug.
Did you give any thought to telling someone all you said on here ? I really hope so x

Hey thanks for the advice everyone I really do appreciate it and it helps a bit. I don't want to tell a social worker because I'll probably get taken away and they'll live all happy and smug and then they'll visit me and be all nice because workers will be present and as soon as I get back home it will all happen again, I even got "It was so much better when you were gone". I don't really want to be in care at all because ik what the care system is like and ik I won't be able to go to my school and get the gcse's I want, which is very important to me because I have dreams of working in the Military as I already am an army cadet and do training. If the family issues don't get resolved (which I think at this point will be the case) then at least I'll have the money to financially support myself. I don't understand why they have to be like this It's not like I'm an awful, disrespectful teenager; I go to school, I don't get in trouble, I've never done or even want to try drugs, I keep off alcohol, I'm respectful to everyone ( I saw an older guy struggling to open a door and as everyone walked pass I opened the doors for him and asked if he was okay) and I'm not one of those teenagers that have sex with every guy going (I'm a virgin) and talking about that I was on an army camp for 2 days last weekend and there's this really nice boy (he's so genuine, well spoken and respectful) that I've met before and spoke to a bit on a previous training period. We spent quite a bit of time together and I got too know him (he has a dad in the services, he has a younger brother, whereabouts he lives, 12 mins from me, what he likes doing and stuff like that) and we fell in love. He asked me out and as I really like him I said yes and we had the biggest hug and we kissed for a bit (this was my first kiss). We text all the time and are meeting up this Friday for a walk. I asked mum if he could come round later one day (a sleepover) too cuddle up and watch some shows together in my room and spend some more time together and she didn't even think about it and she said "no" straight away. I questioned why and she said, "because your too young" and I asked for more of an explaination and she told me "because your nieve and you will become pregnant because your stupid and you will probably do sexual stuff or he will rape you, for all you know he could be a mass murderer" I answered with, "No, I disagree with you, because 1) I know he's not like that at all and to even prove that we were in control of firearms on the weekend and around knives so if he even was like that he would of hurt someone which he didn't, one of his ex's was even on the camp and told me he is a really nice guy and they split because it wasn't working out so if he had done something bad she would of told me and why would I even want to do stuff like that when people will be in the house. Also we probably wouldn't have sex and if we did I'm smart enough too know too use protection and most teenagers do it now days it will happen at one point in my life anyway" she still said no so I was like okay how about he only comes round in the day and she said "only if you just stay in the living room", which in my opinion I find quite strict, so I was like please please please (she still said no) and then I tried to reason and said "well how about he can come in my room but the door can be open and you still check on us like you would if we were in the living room" and she said no that's it convo closed and then she walked away in a pissy and I put my hand on her shoulder and went, "mum" to tell her that I thought it was unfair that when my brother was 17 he had a 15 year old girlfriend and they spent time in his room daily w/ the door closed and were barely checked on, they even had sex lots of times so loud you could hear it and she said nothing and didn't lecture them but she won't even let me and my bf in a room together with the door open, but before I got too even say that she screamed, "get your fing hands off me you bloody psycho your trying too squeeze the shit out of me" which really frightened me I was scared shtless she always plays the victim. Also it's her birthday next week god knows why I bought her a card, do I bother giving it too her or do I just chuck it and not bother at all with her birthday.

Sweetheart what a sad read. There is some great advice on here, try to take it on board.
Have you looked at the young minds.Org.uk website?
There is a number you can call for urgent help and someone to talk to.
Call free on 0800 1111 child line
Keep posting. Xxx

Hey not sure if you'll see this now but what your experiencing is a reaction to your parents. It sounds to me as though there are what social workers might call attachment issues. This will impact on you in several ways...i know it happened to me when i was your age xxx
It's not easy but you can not change your parents and they are responsible for their behaviour..they are supposed to be the adults in this situation but deep down you are probably aware that they are not treating you or supporting you in positive and nurturing ways that enable you to feel positive about yourself and build your confidence and self esteem.
I think you are amazing! Just the way you have reached out to people on this forum and the intelligent way you have explained your situation is really touching.
You do need some support in all this. I know how hard this can be but there are good people out there who understand. I am not surprised you have tried different ways to numb your pain..we all have rights to a childhood and cruel parents can mean this is denied to some of us. It might be that your own parents did not get what they needed in their childhood and sometimes they just pass this on..

Don't let it colour the rest of your life..you deserve better.
XXXXXX

The other thing i wanted to say to you is that i think your brothers have learnt to be cruel to you as they are allowed to copy your parents behaviour. This happened to me when i was a child.
Sometimes all we can do is get the support for ourselves.
It's usually the nicest one in the family who gets treated this way if you are the scape goat for the rest of them. Believe me you deserve better but when you went into care you pushed others away as you found it too difficult to trust people and am not surprised. Its a very natural reaction to everything you have been through but you need to accept support to sort it out.
Good luck with everything. Will be thinking about you.
Take care
xxxxxx

Hi guys, I've not long since come to the conclusion that my family hate me. When I was born I lost a kidney due to post-natal complications. (& My so-called dad at the time was in the RAF). When they were told this by the doctor, they still accepted me (for which I do respect them). I have as recently as 3 months ago, (I'm 38 now), overheard them saying, "Oh, David is really trying my patience", with my sister saying to "kick him out of the family". This is what I think has now happened. On receipt of my DWP Universal Credit, my mum would say, "Put £300 in my bank account and you have the rest" - roughly £40. Then recently they have been going on holiday ABROAD, while at the same time, they say they "haven't got any money." Just ahead of Christmas, I worked flat out in a temporary role, earning £1,100 on my first paycheck. Learning of this, my mum said, "Oh, put £1,000 in my bank account and you have the rest". Even my sister, who, up until marrying a successful businessman who is HEAD OF THE BUSINESS IN WHICH HE WORKS, has been really nasty towards me, & if I have an altercation with mum, she is mum's human shield. (She never used to be nasty towards me, we used to be EXTREMELY close as Brother and Sister). Also, my dad constantly abused me sexually - not physically, but, psychologically. (eg, if he saw a scene of a naked lady on TV, he would look at me, groan, & say, yes, I can see you). - but he has had combat training as part of his role in the RAF, so, at the time, (my upbringing), retaliation wasn't an option. It's only as of a few months ago that the family have chosen to reject me. Having since flown the nest & living under supported living, I've had no end of problems with anti social behaviour (not on MY part), & I've had so many run-ins with the police, I could probably make friends with them) (although like I said, I've never ever actually been in violation with the law). Dad even said to me on one occasion "I am not your father". Mum would always leave a negative mark on what I tried to achieve. "Oh you can't go out, it's raining, you'll get wet." Don't have it too hot, it'll burn" "You can't go there, you haven't been there before" etc. But when I tried to do anything in the home during my upbringing, the family would always intervene & not advise me of how to do something, but TAKE OVER COMPLETELY, defeating the object of me actually learning the life skill. On that note, I will also state that I do have Asperger's Syndrome. (A form of Autism). I just don't know what to do. I do have a support team where I live, but they keep playing "piggy-in-the-middle" with me, & just keep shifting responsibility on to another staff mem

**continued from previous post!! Member. I just feel like I don't have any options. Any help please, as it's quite a scary prospect.