Anyone here with experience of Pathological Demand Avoidance?

[MassivePottedGeranium]

I am pretty sure that ds2, 9, has this. He's had interventions from LEA at school in year 2 and year 4 (one to one sessions over a period of 6 or so weeks at a time) to see if they could identify anything but he is very very good at masking his behaviour with adults one on one and both times there was no recommended course of action or anything more than a shrug of the shoulders when I asked what we could do next. His teachers recognise the issue to a certain extent but don't seem to see him as an individual, just a set of problems for their class.

I know from a little bit of research that this is a fairly new branch of the Autism spectrum and just wonder if there is anyone out there who has experience of it? My lovely tender little ds is missing out on so much that 9 year olds could be involved in and my heart breaks for him :(

Yes, I have two who present with demand avoidance.
As a start, have a browse of the PDA Society website, it has loads of information and resources.
There are various strategies, such as fewer demands, allowing him to have control when possible (and appropriate). The book The Explosive Child is excellent, and helps to teach the child and adult how to collaborate. I've heard there are low arousal techniques by Bo Elven (on YouTube I believe) which work very well with PDA.
We also find the 5 point scale very helpful, it allowed us to learn how to spot the tiny signs of impending meltdown so we could use various strategies (mostly sensory) to help calm the situation down.

Thanks for replying Joy. What I'm really struggling with too is that there is ds1 (13) and ds3 (3) in the mix and I don't know how I can possibly put in place the parenting strategies ds2 needs and deserves to help him (and us all) cope, alongside how I do it for the other two! Brain a bit fried. Single working mum here and feeling like I'm failing all three of them.

The strategies can be used across the board, and can be helpful for all children.
It is difficult to manage the needs of more children at the same time, and can be very hard work, but hopefully using strategies that suit ds2 better may ease the load a bit?

If you're on FB there are a few PDA groups which you might find helpful for day to day support.

You have my utmost empathy. I have 4 dc, I'm not a single mother, and it's impossible sometimes. 💐💐