In the dark about dd's mental health

[stokeytiger]

My dd's school informed us a few months ago that she had been talking to friends about anxiety and depression and was having suicidal thoughts. She's 14 and always seems happy at home, she happily goes to school and has good friends. We had no idea she was feeling this way.

After several conversations on the phone with CAMHS and a Dr's referal she is now seeing a clinical psychologist. I realise she was lucky getting relatively quick appointments.

My problem is that she completely refuses to talk to her dad or myself about how she is feeling or why she is feeling this way. We were adviced by CAMHS not to push her to talk to us. The psychologist will not tell us any information about their meetings other than he feels she is not in immediate danger of self harming.

Is this normal to be kept completely in the dark about your child's mental health? I am obviously going out of my mind with worry, but don't want to do anything that might make her feel worse.

I've been in your dds place, and don't push it too much! Just because she's not telling doesn't mean she wants to keep it from you or that it's anything sinister, she may just feel awkward or she may not really understand herself. She's just working this all out for herself, she may not understand it enough to share or she may not feel comfortable talking about it, it doesn't mean she won't ever talk about it just not right now.
All you can do if be there when she does need you which I'm sure you are

I found with CAMHS that they wouldn’t discuss it once my child was over 13, which was really difficult as I didn’t know how to support him, and knew damn well he wasn’t being really truthful in the sessions.
I understand the need for the child to be able to talk openly, but I don’t think it’s helpful to completely shut the parent out.

Thanks froglou, I'm sorry that you were in a similar situation, hopefully you found your way through it. Did you eventually find it easier to talk to people?
What you have said is what I have been telling myself for months now, but it's difficult to always remain stoical about it. Of course, I will, for her sake.

Many sympathies NC4Now, not knowing how to support them is the biggest problem. It's all you want to do. My daughter is due to go on a school trip abroad for a week, but how can I allow this without knowing about her mental health. Guess I'll just worry myself sick for a week though.

Oh this attitude annoys me. CAMHS don't seem to understand how important communication is.

At least your dd is getting support. When our dd needed it, CAMHS refused any support to a 16 year old who was cutting and taking small overdoses. They did suggest I could find a counsellor off the internet though.

Due to CAMHS refusing to orovide NHS services we appointed a consultant psychiatrist and she did share enough information for us to support dd. Is this an option for you?

I did! But it's difficult to explain Things when you don't really understand them, hopefully camhs will help her to do so! Once she understands it better she won't feel so awkward about talking about it and it'll come naturally!

I do understand the frustration around keep parents slightly in the dark but it's all about letting them have a "safe space" they can work things out before they start to face them properly. I hope that makes sense!