Should I get dd tested?

[DesperatelySeeking2016]

We have always struggled with dd who is 8. She was hard work as a baby but we put this down to constant illness and tricky as a toddler but aren’t they all. She taught herself to read before starting school and now in year 3 is doIng well academically but oh my goodness she is hard work at home!

She is very temperamental and can get really cross if her brother looks at her. She can be irrational if asked to do things out of the norm and loves to accuse us of not loving her and preferring her brother. She hardly eats anything (marmite, apples, grapes, carrots, fish fingers and macaroni cheese). On the surface she appears to have a good imagination but actually the stories she writes are re-enactments of things she has read and whilst good at coping pictures she cannot draw a picture of her own. She fixates on things so at the moment it is YouTube, lego friends rush and Tom gates but a couple of weeks ago it was YouTube, baby secrets and good night stories for rebel girls.

She is very anxious at home and always says no to everything e.g.
It is time for gymnastics, ‘no i’m not going, you can’t make me go, I hate my life, you’re the worst mummy ever, I wish I never existed’. Eventually she will change and go to her activity and enjoy herself but every time we have to go through the rigmarole of ‘no’. It is exhausting.
We are currently on holiday and everything seems magnified. She is behaving dreadfully and I can’t go on. I don’t feel like anyone will believe me because she generally holds her shit together quite well in front of people but I really feel that she may have ASD and need some guidance as to how to help her (before I kill her!).

I am going through a similar thing with my DS. The school have demanded he is tested for ADHD. It’s interesting how your DD and my DS have the same behaviors yet we are looking for completely different diagnoses.

Well- that may be because ASD usually presents differently in girls than in boys.

ASD isn't a MH issue (though many with ASD have poor emotional/MH too); maybe there would be more practical advice in the Sen boards?

You can go through your GP and camhs service (probably not called that any longer) to get assessment for ASD. I'm afraid the process is rather slow and drawn out.

From what I understand about ASC in girls, it’s s real possibility.

Thanks Haba, I will try that. It is tricky because she is so emotional and anxious and it may just be that she is an anxious child.
I worry about seeking a formal label because this backfired on my friend whose older child was diagnosed with autism (he is high functioning) and he has never forgiven her. But on the other hand I feel that we would be able to manage better if we knew for sure she wasn’t just being bloody difficult for the sake of it!

I work with children with ASC and I have to say that it does sound very much like she fits the ASC profile and I would ask to be referred to a diagnostic clinic. You could also seek support from an OT, SLT, or psychologist that specialises in ASC. If you want help now then you will probably need to go the private route. Treating the anxiety is really important as you don't want it to develop further - pretty much every child I work with has an anxiety disorder alongside ASC. It sounds like you are a really caring parent who just wants to do the best for your dad.

mythical there is a lot of crossover between ASC and ADHD and many children have both. There is also a lot of misdiagnosis out there. My cousin was diagnosed ADHD but really had ASC.

Well- a referral to camhs for anxiety won't be a bad thing, will it?
Some help with that side of things would hopefully improve things at home.

What you also could do is read up about how to support children with ASD, and implement those strategies at home. You're not saying she has ASD, but if those strategies help her, they help her- it doesn't matter what the root cause of the issues are, an improvement is good!
So if she has anxiety around getting out of the house to school in the morning, perhaps have a visual checklist by the front door, with all the steps she needs to do before leaving (brush teeth, shoes on, coat on , pick up bag, etc)? Also- before bed get her to pack everything she needs for the next day into her school bag (so she's not stressing about trying to retrieve her reading book from the back of the sofa or wherever).
Try to make sure she has a place to put all her things in the same place each time, so she knows where they are. (This has been the hardest thing to ingrain in my children- put your X in the same place each time you use it, then you will always know where it is- the usefulness of which is reinforced by their father doing the "where the heck are my keys?" routine every time he leaves the house!)

I think you should. Without a formal diagnosis you’ll struggle to get much help from the school and the education system in general. I know secondary school seems a long way off right now, but the diagnosis process takes a long time. In my (admittedly fairly limited) experience of children with ASD the anxiety gets worse as they get older, especially as they approach and go into puberty. This of course generally coincides with the move to secondary school.

Some secondary schools deal with ASD much better than others. It may be that you think your daughter would be better off at, say, the smaller oversubscribed school on the other side of town rather than the big local comp her primary is a feeder for. Without a diagnosis and an EHCP you’ll have very little chance of getting her into the school you want, with them you’ll stand a good chance, and be well set up if you have to go to appeal.

Okay, the above scenario may not apply to you, but what I’m rather clumsily trying to say is it’s better to get a diagnosis in advance than be trying to get one at the same time as trying to access help for your daughter if she needs it.

That's almost a description of me as a child! I'm autistic, wish I'd been diagnosed when I was younger.