DS age 6 not coping with anger

[MinervaMermaid]

I can't believe I am writing this. But thought I'd set it out here for anyone else's advice or experience.

My gorgeous 6 year old boy is going through a horrible phase.. I hope it's a phase... of getting extremely angry whenever something doesn't go his way. Very hard for him to get out of it once he gets there.. examples this morning I dropped him into school 2 mins before the bell rang and he had a conniption because there was no time for him to have a play with his friends before school. I made his packed lunch for school and he was thrashing about as he wanted the other shape pasta. He is very competitive on everything- will push his 3 year old sister out of his way running up the stairs so as to be first to brush his teeth. Will go crazy if she brushes her teeth first.

So far so tantrummy 6 year old. However in past couple of months he has started to "hurt" himself when he gets really angry or upset if he's in trouble. Last night he "carpet burned" his forehead after being in trouble for being cruel to little sister. He has also scraped and punched himself repeatedly so as to make a red mark on two occasions in recent weeks.

We talk about it after calmly, he promises not to hurt himself. But keeps happening. What do I do here? How do I help him?

Thanks

Honestly OP it sounds as though there's something more than just anger going on here.

It sounds a little like anxiety/OCD.

The not liking things to be different from how he likes or expects them to be can be linked to anxiety and the routine of wanting to brush his teeth first, have the "right" pasta are also reminding me of a friend's son who had help from CAMHS for similar.

How is his sleep?

Funny you mention sleep.. we are having him checked for sleep apnoea at the moment. I don't think he ever gets into a deep sleep so definitely think that affects his moods.

We haven't really had any OCD type issues before... regarding things being different... it's like he just nearly wants to get angry over small things like it's becoming a habit for him. Honestly, it's like living with what I imagine to be an abusive man. Looking for things to lash out at us.

Obviously then he is like an angel at other times. He's an absolute sweetheart for example if I let him come downstairs for a cuddle and some supper after his sister has fallen asleep.

Thank you so much for replying. I actually burst out crying after posting my OP- didn't realise how much it had been upsetting me until I posted.

This sounds very like my almost 8 year old son. Please get help for him ASAP and don’t wait like I did as it will get worse.

We are now getting help through school and we are just about to start the process of a formal diagnosis.

We strongly believe he has an anxiety disorder.

I know how hard and frustrating it can be, I just wish I had asked for some help sooner instead of waiting until the whole family was at breaking point. Xx

The outbursts over tiny things is classic of this too. Our support worker described it as being like a bottle of coke. They build up the feelings of anxiety all day and then the smallest little thing can make them explode.

I would discuss with school, any emotional issues comes under special needs so senco maybe able to help. Other thing to look out for is ASD, anger, self-harming, needing to do things in a certain order can be signs but difficult to say without more input. My son got incorrectly diagnosed with anxiety and they think its now ASD but the lady said its very hard to tell the difference. I would say as they get older it gets easier to spot. When mine was 10 he happily went to school with 15 teddies each day, totally oblivious, he would dance to certain numbers etc. Mine has very specific likes with food, the shape of pasta could well bother him. ASD kids often tend to only eat very plain and often separated food like plain bread, plain pasta, plain rice.

Thanks everyone for replying. I did speak with his teacher who has been so helpful and supportive. That very day she sent us home a letter to say she had spoken with him asking how he feels when he is angry. It's ok to be angry. Safe things we can do when we feel angry eg scream our head off! Try to push down a wall. But we can't hurt ourselves, others or property.
She has also sent us home some worksheets to do with him to help identify and articulate his anger etc.

She does think it is a phase he is going through but we are both going to watch carefully over next few weeks and months to see if there is anything more...

Thank you all. This parenting stuff can be such hard work.

Hi, I read your post with interest as my own 7 year old boy is going through something very similar.
My mum who is a psychologist bought me a book called The Explosive Child which we have found really helpful on dealing with his outbursts. Good luck and big hugs to you. I know how horrible it is xx