Meeting with toddlers teachers has me questioning if my son has underlying issues

[Thismumbakes]

Hi, new user here, didnt want to use fb as theres alot of biased oppinions there. I need some clear advise from other mums who dont know me at all.

A bit of background on my son. Hes almost 4 (in april) at his 2 year review no major concerns were raised other than his lack of speech, he didnt talk at all by 2 years old, they suggested nursery which i did do, he was there from 2 years old until the summer term after his 3rd birthday so 18months, they helped alot and its the nursery attached to my older kids school so a familiar place he was used to going to. He liked going but id weekly (and still often am 2 years on) called in over him hurting or hitting a child either on purpose or by just being too rough. His speech came on a little but they struggled massivly to understand him. He moved up to the schools foundation 1 unit for half a day each day in september 2017. In november i was called in for a meeting, they told me he was behind in counting and other areas but that he was making some progress, they asked my permission to refer him to speech and language therapy as theyre still struggeling to understand him and hes becoming very fustrated and hitting out when hes not understood. I said yes of course that was fine, i understand him but even other close family members struggle, i sometimes do but not often. End of jan yhis year we got our first app for speech therapy but couldnt go as son was very unwell. Its been rearranged, last tueaday his teachers asked if they could have a meeting with me to discuss his progress later that week and if i could get his hearing checked. I said yes. This is when i started to wonder why. Ive never had meetings like this with my older 2 kids.

I went to the meeting and they sat me down and said that they think maybe he needs his hearing checked coz he constantly shouts, complains he cant hear things and has the sound on things turned up loud, and somtimes i think hes ignoring me but he might just not be hearing me now i think about it. Anyway they also said he still is struggling quite abit with numbers, hes almost 4 and can not count to 5, if im honest he cant get past 2. He either says 1, 2 lots n lots. Or 1,2,1,2,1,2,1,2,1,2. The teachers also said that theyve noticed he doesnt name animals properly. For exapmle if you show him a duck he will point and say quack, you tell him no its a duck it says quack he still says quack. Same for other animals. They also said theyve noticed some fixated behaviours on some things, atm its dinosaurs, it used to be bin trucks, before that motorbikes. He sometimes takes the toys from school he likes such as their dinosaurs, but it used to be motorbikes ect, or he would insist on taking his in with him, they also noted his certaun ways with clothes, few months ago all the tags out of his clothes had to be cut out coz he would pull at clothes crying about the tag, and it feeling funny. Now its socks, ive given up trying to get him to wear them now tbh, he moans about the seam in them and will just kick widly until his shoes are off and he will take his socks off.

Another thing his teachers expressed was is comunication with his peers needs work, he wants to join in with kids but often barges into a game and is rough, the other kids dont want to do that and he doesnt quite get it. Though they did say he does emjpys the role playing areas (we have them at home and he does play with his siters at home with their toy kitchens ect) theyve told me theyve been taking him out of class and working on sharing him and a teacher, how to offer it and ask for it nicely instead of taking, then hes asked to pick a class mate to join them, he often picks the same boy. He still needs help with it tho theyve said) hes been having one to one in school since he moved up in september.

Theyve asked my permission to have someone else come in and work with him if his speech and language and hearing test dont explain why hes behind in things. They said some letters like initials but i cant for the life of me remember what they was coming in to help him. They asked if i had any questions and i just asked them outright "apart from the speech thing are you teachers questioning if theres somthing else coz i just assumed he was abit naughty at times and his clothing and dinsaours was just his little personality. But obviously you see more kids than me even tho im his mum you see it more type of thing" they replied with "it is a possibility that we would explore after hes had his hearing tested and some speech therapy, were not saying it is or it isnt but its a avenue we can go down if it comes to it"

Im starting to think that they think theres somthing up with him but dont want to say it to me or if theyre not sure yet.

Well it sounds like he might have some developmental delays. They might not be thinking of anything specific at this point though. It sounds like they’re doing all they can to investigate it though. The person coming in could be an EP? = educational psychologist. They will help assess him and try to work out what’s going on. It doesn’t mean there is something ‘wrong’ with him though so don’t panic about the ‘psychologist’ bit - they will just be qualified to identify specific learning needs/difficulties and advise on how to help him. Could also have been SPLD? = specific learning difficulties - which is a term that covers things like dyslexia, dyspraxia, adhd etc.

Hi OP, it's not my area of knowledge but I don't want to read and run. It does sound to me as though they think something might be slowing his development. It also sounds as though they are putting a huge amount of effort into helping him so it seems like they know what they are doing.

It may just be that different children develop differently, or there may be a reason for any behaviour of his that they think is unusual. I'd say you're doing exactly the right thing by talking to them, taking their advice and getting all the tests done that they are suggesting. Good luck with finding out whether there is anything to be concerned about and with helping him if there is.

Thanks for replying. Theyve deffo confirmed hes behind and has speech and communication problems. Im not bothered if there is a underlying reason hes behind or anything i jist feel terrible that ive not noticed untio now tbh! I lmew he was behind but didnt realise how much, i asked if he will be going full time in september and they said yes but he will still be having the one to one support from the teachers. But the teachers do seem very keen on getting him some extra support and its them whove come to me so im glad that theyve picked up on it while hes young, its a good school i cant moan at them one but theyre fab tbh x

The school sound excellent, acting on concerns and getti g appropriate outside help, yet not self-diagnosing when not qualified. I imagine that in the backs of their minds (f the hearing tests turn up nothing) they may be wondering about some sort of social communication disorder, developmental delay or ASD. Obsessions with one category of thing (bin lorries, motorcycles) can be a feature of both neurotypical development and ASD.

Hope you get some answers soon.

Just wanted to upsdate and say thanks for the replies. Seems as tho suspicions were correct. We had our first session with the speech and language therapist that the school have privatly brought in for my son (he also has nhs funded speech and language therapy at our local doctors, he we supposed to have his first session with the drs 3 weeks ago but had chicken pox so its been re arranged for next week) the session in school lasted a hour, she was lovely and did various activities with him, then took him back to class and then just me and her had a talk, she raised a concern that he made little to no eye contact with her while doing the activities, and also that his attention was hard to get and maintain, but his understanding of instructions is higher than his teachers had expressed to her before she seen us, she went over a few other things that the teachers had told her about that she had noticed in the session too. His speech level is of a 2 year old which we already knew but understanding of speech is of a 3 year 6month old. Hes 3years and 11 months so a little behind but not loads. She asked about hearing and i told her hes already booked into the local hospital for a hearing test and another appt with the ent dr (weve seen him before over my sons epic and frequent nosebleeds)

Anyway shes asked my permission to referr him to a educational psychology peadictrican. Ive looked on the nhs website and its a doctor who assesses if a child has somthing like asd, autism or aspergers, adhd ect. She said she would watch him and do notes on him throughout the rest of that day while he was in school and ill have the report back next week. A copy of the report is going with the referral to the educational psychology peadictrican and info from the teachers reports on his development and their work with him trying to help him play with children ect rather than alongside or moving away wich is what he currently does.

So after only a hour of meeting my son shes referring him, its deffo confirmed that there could be somthing underlying with him if someone who doesnt know him is picking up on things.

I can only honestly say im so thankful to my kids school. Can not fault them, theyve been amazing in supporting my son and helping him!