PTSD 12 year old dd? Anyone have expeience?

[Lostbeyondwords]

Hi, I have been wondering recently if my dd is suffering some kind of separation anxiety following traumatic events, however something prompted me to look up ptsd in children and a lot of it makes sense considering her current behaviour. I don't want to make something out of nothing, and individually they are all little things so I suppose it's taken a while for me to put them together and think of them collectively.

Sorry if I'm a bit long-winded here

I've noticed things such as:

• disinterest in all activities she used to love (after school clubs - will not go at all now or be involved in anything extra in school time either)
• finding school hard due to lack of support available when needing some time out (has been sent home a few times unable to continue with the day)
• trouble sleeping - will routinely still be awake 4hrs after going to bed
• on particularly bad days, unable/unwilling to get out of bed, very slow and distracted
• needing almost constant validation/attention. If you're not putting yourself out to giver her attention it's not "enough"
• craving lots and lots of cuddles/"I love you" (we've always done this a fair amount anyway but it's ramped up)
• often asking if I'm ok, to prompt asking if she is ok, to which the answer is usually "no"
• avoidance of talking about what happened/people involved/place involved (understandably) except to say "stuff" is on her mind but won't elaborate.
• getting disproportionately upset or angry at the slightest thing
• getting upset if I so much as look disappointed at something she'd done (like leaving rubbish on her floor) to the point of begging me to tell her what she can do to be "better" (there's nothing, honestly, she's fab already and that's what hurts, she's just doing normal pre-teen things)
• personal hygiene has become a small issue of late/generally not being bothered
• very clingy, upset if I need to go out shopping but she doesn't want to come, for example - why can't I just stay with her
• takes upwards of 30mins to say goodnight, every night. Gets sad when I have to leave, and asks me to leave something with her of mine "so part of you is with me". Has to be something new each time though that I've been wearing/holding that day.
• recent almost daily but mostly weekly headaches or stomach aches (unsure how much is real or "faked" as mostly in the middle of the night, or how much is due to just needing to sleep!)
• trouble keeping friends
• talks about wanting to see gp's but mostly when the opportunity arises she's changed her mind (they are not directly involved with the trauma but there is some conflict)

I'm sure there are more...

DD had a therapy assessment for 6 weeks and they would have liked to continue with some recommended sessions (offered a course of around 52, weekly sessions) but dd doesn't want to talk to anyone (says she is fine, despite the above) and so has refused.

I know we'll probably just have to wait and bide our time until she is ready, and I wish so much that the help had been available at the time instead of 5 months later, maybe that would have made a difference. I don't know how to make her feel more....better. I'm supposed to be working but all my thoughts are here today, half in tears, I don't even know how she gets through school.

I'm not even sure what I'm asking actually - does this sound like ptsd to anyone else, have you experience of it, or does it sound like something else entirely? Are we just enabling her continuing trauma by not making her see someone or are we right in letting her lead what happens?

No experience but it does sound as though something is really bothering her. just smother her with love is all I can suggest!

I have no experience of this and don’t want to make light of the situation but if nothing traumatic has happened that you are aware of, could it perhaps be puberty? I changed drastically when puberty hit and became a bit of a nutcase to be honest with you from all the hormone changes. I remember just wanting to sit in my room (in the dark). I became very withdrawn. I was so socially awkward I physically couldn’t speak to a boy or a stranger, no sound would come out. Prior to this I was (and became again) a very confident person. That is a really tough age for people. I remember a lot of silly drama in school with friends being petty which at that age seemed like the end of the world. I am really not trying to make light of it just wondering if that could be a factor.

It certainly could be. Is there any chance you could get her assessed by someone with a specialism in child ptsd? They will be used to working with children who don't want to think or talk about a trauma and will know how to engage her (if that is what's going on)

Cwandry I'm trying to, it's just a bit difficult with working ft, having a ds also as well as pets. Sometimes you just need 5 minutes peace to forget it all and it can be hard to find.

Thanks SammySays I had wondered if that was it a year prior when she got really clingy and literally calling me up to her room every single night after settling. Then we found out about the "traumatic events" and overnight the rest of the behaviour came out and had been this way for the last 8 months. I wish it was puberty

WhatWouldGhengisDo yes I do think that would be a good idea but I don't know where to start. School don't seem overly interested in diagnosis of anything so maybe gp, if she will agree.

A relative had counselling for ptsd and he found it really helpful so I would say it's worth a try. Is there any chance that you can gently explain that this is a situation where you need to make this decision for her and that you need her to trust you and she needs to give it a try?

Are there any charities or groups that can offer advice? We spoke to a charity after a sudden traumatic death in our family and they were really helpful giving advice and tips on things to do and try and would have offered more help if we had needed it.

Wishing you and your dd well 💐

Asking gp for a specialist assessment sounds like a good place to start. If it is ptsd, it's very treatable. to you both

MrsEvedder that's positive to hear, thank you. I could, I did that for the therapy/counselling she has had so far and she agreed to give it a try but came to the conclusion after 6 weeks that she didn't want to talk about it and as lovely as the practitioner was, didn't feel like she was achieving anything so decided she didn't want to go anymore. It was the NSPCC, who were great, I'll see if they have any advice without seeing her.

Thank you Ghengis I will see if the gp can offer anything without seeing dd first, to see what the options/opinions are. I just don't want it to get to the point of being "bad enough" before stepping in (as camhs said the didn't meet the threshhold for help at the time).

Or Genghis, even. Not sure how that one got around autocorrect

My dd is also 12 and has a diagnosis of ptsd as well as multiple other mental health disorders and physical disabilities her story is far too long for me to post but you're welcome to message me or ask me anything x

My DS (whos 17 though) has PTSD with psychotic traits and he displayed some of those trits when younger happy to PM if you wish

Hi,
I also have a 12 year old girl. I'm not sure she has PTSD or not but fits a lot of the symptoms you outlined above. She's always been an anxious child, worried about a lot of things, compared herself to others etc etc but this has increased massively since we were at the Manchester arena last May (hence me wondering anout PTSD). She started secondary school in September which she has struggled with and despite efforts she hasn't really any friends at school. It got to its worse when she started self harming and we are now paying to see a counsellor privately. I think it's helping but she is not always keen to go if she's not "emotionally in the right state of mind for talking". I have just been sat with her as she's been saying how miserable she is with everything etc. It's so hard to pick out what is 'normal' hormonal teenager behaviour and what is/could be something more.

Sorry, that was long and probably of no help but you're not on your own! X

If you don’t have pets but both like dogs Is there a dog shelter near you where you could walk them. The exercise would do you both good and dogs can be a good distraction.

OP do you know what her trauma has been as you dont mention it? I ask because its difficult to say whether it can be PTSD without knowing the nature of the event or the severity. PTSD needs to be handled really carefully because of how dangerous it can be to the sufferer. I would really really try to get her to the therapy sessions. Most practitioners are only allowed near PTSD patients after years of working with less 'at risk' patients. She is a child and cannot know what is best for her. Genuine PTSD is not just something that goes away. Wishing you all the best.