I'm struggling. I have two children from a previous relationship, two children with my husband. They all live with us. DS (14) has Aspergers. He's been hard work his whole life but is pretty settled and doing well now. He is hard to reach, emotionally, and can be cruel and grumpy to his siblings (execpt the littlest one - a toddler). DD (16) has recently been diagnosed with anxiety and OCD. Last year she took an overdose of paracetamol. My primary school aged DS is a very sensitive boy, prone to dark and sad thoughts - these are enhanced since the overdose. All the younger siblings were in the house when DD took the overdose, my 14yo DS has to call my husband to get him to race back from work as the ambulance came. She was pshyically fine, no lasting physical damage. She was petulant with the doctors, if anything, and this confused me. She is having regular therapy. Anxiety and OCD and related issues are all she talks about. I guess this is normal, as it feels like a huge part of her, but I worry that she's defining herself through this, and becoming Anxiety Girl (she talks about it endlessly with her friends) when there is a lot more to her than this.
Can I be honest? There is a part of me that is angry for the effect her actions had, the dark cloud it's put over her brother. I'm frustrated that every time one issue is improved with the help of therapy, another emerges. I'm scared for my DD, scared that this defines her, scared that she will do it again. I'm also very scared for my sensitive little boy (9). DD (as the eldest) had to adjust to her brother's aspergers. We've all had to make changes and the middle boy (9) has often born the brunt of his cruelty. DD feels that 14yo DS with Asperger's condition is seen as more important. It isn't, but it is one that will be with him his whole life, whereas she can overcome anxiety. It feels like she doesn't want to, on some level. I'm not writing this out very well, it sounds like I don't believe her and I do. My husband is still angry at the effect her suicide attempt had on the other kids. He thinks it's a cry for attention, it's a busy house. There are a lot of really fucking big plates to keep spinning, and I'm worried they're all going to smash. I'm so scared.