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Child mental health

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17 year old daughter struggling with anxiety and school, please help.

11 replies

Cheekycherry99 · 30/07/2017 22:24

My 17 year old DD has been struggling with anxiety for the past 2 years or so. She sets high/ unrealistic expectations for herself and feels disappointed and like she has let everyone down if these have not been achieved. Initially the anxiety was fairly mild with overthinking and nausea, however in the last academic year it has become terrible. She suffers regular panic attacks at school and a full range of anxiety symptoms. This has lead to her skipping full days of classes (attending school but refusing class) or having to leave class halfway through due to a panic attack. She often suffers severe nausea in the mornings to the point where she is retching and something brings up a clear liquid (tmi). She is often dizzy and shaky also. She has been attending CBT for the last year and hasn't found it very effective due to the irregularity of sessions and working her self up into feeling sick beforehand. We went to the GP and she was prescribed beta blockers to help with the anxiety symptoms and she was offered anti depressants as she also shows signs of depression i.e self harm, suicidal thoughts, mood swings, affected sleep, tearfulness and feeling worthless etc but she refused the medication. My worry is that when she goes back to school at the end of August it's all going to get worse again, what should I do??

OP posts:
Cheekycherry99 · 30/07/2017 22:40

Anyone??

OP posts:
annandale · 30/07/2017 22:46

Sorry not too expert but didn't want to read and run. Is the school helpful, what ideas do they have? Is she able to employ or even describe any CBT tools she can use when things are bad? Is she trying anything like mindfulness, breathing/relaxation work? Do you think she is getting worse, and if so would she look again at a short course of meds to help her access the CBT?

Cheekycherry99 · 30/07/2017 22:55

Thanks for your reply. The school have offered her a place to go to beside the medical room if she feels that she is too anxious to attend class. However my daughter feels that by not attending classes she is annoying teachers and all those around her increasing the anxiety she is feeling. The majority of her teachers are supportive, they allowed her to move seats etc so that she was closer to the door so that she could leave with minimal disruption. In CBT so far she has explored various breathing techniques and the use of apps on her phone such as 'Calm' etc. She feels that her depression is getting worse but is hesitant to use anti depressants as she worries about how family members etc will view her. She is already embarrassed enough to be taking the propranolol.

OP posts:
recklessgran · 30/07/2017 23:00

OP sorry but I'm not an expert and not sure that my post will even be helpful - just didn't want to read and run. I do have some similar experience with my own DD. First of all I suggest you phone MIND who I found very supportive and helpful. It is a sad fact that mental health seems to be the "poor relation" in terms of NHS funding so in my experience it is difficult to get help and awful as a parent not to be able to "fix" things for your DD.
I also think that I would phone her G.P. and express your concern or even make an appointment and go with DD to discuss further help. I know that legally the G.P. can't discuss your daughter with you without her permission but I urge you to keep fighting her corner as she is too fragile to do this herself. Does your DD have friends? Does she actually enjoy whatever she is studying? Can she tell you what it is that is making her so anxious? So sorry, but I'm sure you know there is no quick fix but please get as much help as you can for your lovely girl. I really feel for you as it is so lonely and hard to watch especially if she is reluctant to accept the help offered. Sending hugs and a hand hold to you OP.

Cheekycherry99 · 30/07/2017 23:12

Thanks reckless, yes she seems to have a good group of friends at school. However she feels like she doesn't fit in with the majority of her year and is under immense pressure to 'keep up' with them. Most of them are driving and she's too nervous to even begin lessons etc. She also enjoys her subjects at school, she is smart and does all science A levels and wants to study Radiography at university, so obviously she needs to be attending as many classes as possible.
How is your daughter now? X

OP posts:
MotherofA · 30/07/2017 23:19

I was a mess as a teen , anxiety , severe insomnia and paranoia . I would wake at 2am and get my uniform on thinking it was time for school then not get back to sleep . I would cry hysterically because I couldn't sleep .
Sadly I didn't have any parental help . However , I knew I didn't want to take any medication for this and sought help in other ways .
I have still had times of severe anxiety / dark periods (including now as I just had a baby ) .
The ways I have managed my problems are by reading books about self help / positivity and also being conscious but not obsessive over diet and lifestyle . Some books which I read and still go back to now are :
You can heal your life by Louise Hay (get the one with the beautiful art work , it's so much nicer to read )
The Power by Rhonda Byrne

I also bought cds to help me by Louise Hay and Doreen Virtue. These are meditation type cds and truly help .
I have read a lot about the medications prescribed for these issues and I do not believe they are a cure imo.
Wishing your daughter all the best in recovering 🌸

Rainbows12 · 30/07/2017 23:30

You are not alone with riding the highs and lows of parenting an anxious child. I do not have any meaningful advice really but having been present at many cbt sessions I have learnt to adopt some of the strategies myself when it comes to my worry about DS. I try to only deal with the hear and now. I have to pull myself back every day to stop me worrying about next week, month, year and the rest of his life so I know it is not easy. I focus on the successes of the day. Today DS went out for an hour with a friend and sat with the family for 20 mins after chatting. Today was a good day. Tomorrow we can try to build on that. I have managed to put a couple of things in place for the first couple of days back at school - someone specifically scooping DS up from bus and walking into school for registration (just to cause a small distraction and hopefully make it easier). Similarly I have a couple of boys looking out for DS at breaks and lunchtime. Once DS is in class he stays, it's just making sure he arrives without getting sidetracked to medical room. It is such a worry and so hard to feel like any progress is being made. Keep going with the therapy. We are still waiting to get sessions in the diary and have rejected medication at this stage but that's not to say we won't consider it if we need it. Stay strong and focussed for you DD and try not to let your own worries run riot - take each day as it comes if you can.

recklessgran · 30/07/2017 23:50

OP, believe it or not the DD in question is in her final year of medical school now. Simply a brilliant girl with extremely high standards and in some ways her own worst enemy as she does FAR more than anyone would consider reasonable. She was a bit "different" at school because she was so driven and ambitious but not due to any kind of pressure from us I might add. [Funny about the driving - our DD has only just passed her test as was too anxious to have driving lessons at 17 like her sisters.] She is still quite anxious or "highly strung" but has found her own way of dealing with it. We are very proud of the lovely young lady she has become but I do still worry about her of course. I'm sure she will make a great doctor though. Hope your DD achieves her ambitions - our DD was much better once she had her university place and was on the way to achieving her goal. x.

abc3210 · 01/08/2017 00:16

Hi OP. I can relate to how your daughter is feeling as I went through something similar. I was attending university when it really kicked off. I tried Cbt and counselling but it continued to rule my life. I was crippled with fear, panic and anxiety. Thankfully I finally agreed to go on medication. After two weeks I began to feel so much better. I could never have continued my education without them. They made such a positive impact on my life. You're daughter shouldn't have to explain herself to anyone, it's nobody's business. It's not that uncommon to go on a temporary course of medication and it sounds like the sensible thing to do when she is struggling so much. She's lucky to have a mom like you that she can openly talk to Flowers

NipInTheAir · 01/08/2017 21:46

Have you thought about a referral to a psychiatrist. You will of course have to pay. Has the GP not offered CAMHS?

Babypythagorus · 01/08/2017 21:49

Have you thought about interhigh? Online secondary school. I've seen threads on here where ppl seem v happy with it for their anxious kids.

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