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Recommend a self-help book for 11 year old boy with anxiety/low self esteem

11 replies

WorriedDadOfSon11 · 16/06/2017 11:09

My son is 11 and has anxiety and low self esteem.

On the surface he is doing well at school, and has friends, but he has talked about how he sometimes feels invisible and un-noticed.
He is very sensitive and is easily wound up by any form of teasing.

He is very self-conscious about his height and weight which are absolutely perfectly normal. He is in the top 25th percentile in height...however some of his friends are still a few inches taller and this upsets him especially as somebody has called him 'shorty'!

He's also worried about going to secondary school in September and being the smallest/youngest person there.

He is also overly dependent on/addicted to computer games which we try and restrict to a sensible level. This leads to a lot of stress and conflict which usually results in him and my wife and I getting upset.
He sees our 'controlling' of this situation as being unfair.
Being treated unfairly is a big thing with him. If he doesn't always get control of the remote to watch youtube videos of his computer games then we're being 'unfair' and 'unreasonable'.

He is a bit nerdy/geeky and not really keen on outdoor sporting activities as he claims he's 'no good at them'.

I guess he's going through puberty as well which is probably a big factor ... though he's very reluctant to discuss puberty.

He has started to talk about some of his other feelings and we'd like to try and encourage that as much as possible.

I'm reluctant to take him to see a counseller/therapist just yet as that may reinforce his idea that 'he's not normal' and that there is 'something wrong with him'.

Can anybody recommend a good book or website that we could work through together which would stimulate him to express his thoughts and feelings and enable us to talk about his worries and fears?

Many thanks.

OP posts:
User90602122 · 01/07/2017 13:51

Watching as my younger son sounds quite similar

Rainbows12 · 28/07/2017 18:32

Think good, feel good by Paul Stellard

I have a 12 yo son who has anxiety and low self esteem with little self confidence. It is not easy to find the solutions although we are still searching. The above book has been recommended by a therapist - worth a try.

silasramsbottom · 28/07/2017 18:37

I had an appointment with our local CAMHS service this week and they sent us home with this book. I've had a look and I'm quite hopeful it may help a bit.

Recommend a self-help book for 11 year old boy with anxiety/low self esteem
silasramsbottom · 28/07/2017 18:39

Realised you can't see the author, sorry. It's Dawn huebener.

JigglyTuff · 28/07/2017 18:40

I was going to recommend the Dawn Huebner work book that silas linked to. Highly recommend it

vuvozabepa · 28/07/2017 18:41

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Crumbs1 · 28/07/2017 18:43

I wouldn't get him a book, I'd get him out onto the rugby pitch. Brilliant for confidence building, very inclusive and good exercise. I think at 11 you should be controlling what he's doing. Encouraging him to develop new skills and be more exercise is a great way to build self confidence and resilience.

Rainbows12 · 28/07/2017 20:36

These books offer a good insight for parents trying to understand the irrational fears and worries of an anxious child and provide advice of language to use and appropriate responses that helps the child challenge their worries rather than have them dismissed. It may not solve the problem but will go part of the way to helping.

ifeellikechickentonight · 09/08/2017 20:40

Not a book but the Hey Sigmund website or fb page has some great resources for anxiety for that age group

Floralnomad · 09/08/2017 20:44

I've nothing to recommend book wise , but have you considered getting him into horse riding . It can be expensive but it is so good for confidence building / self esteem and ponies / horses are so good at listening that they really are good for you and from a 'sporting' POV it doesn't matter how tall / thin / short you are as you are all equal .

64PooLane · 03/09/2017 10:58

I was about to recommend the same book that silasramsbottom suggested. Helped our DS (10).

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